Losing Confidence | Teen Ink

Losing Confidence

February 14, 2013
By KristenNoel ELITE, Mooresville, North Carolina
KristenNoel ELITE, Mooresville, North Carolina
134 articles 0 photos 27 comments

My mind goes blank; I begin to stare-
Into the vast emptiness, looking everywhere.
I stare off into space; I begin to zone.
Always forgotten, forever alone.

I slip into nonexistence, my mind is filled with sorrow.
I feel as if I don’t exist; will I live to see tomorrow?
I think of my past; I deeply reminisce.
I’m out of my mind, I’m losing confidence.

Will my mind abject itself; will I fade away?
Will I ever live to see a brighter day?
I’m confused and I’m worried; I’m really concerned.
I feel as if my mind is dead, as if my soul is burned.

You see, I can’t be happy; I don’t know what it means.
I’m depressed, I’m hurting myself; I only want good dreams.
That doesn’t happen though; I’m always upset.
I have bad thoughts in my mind and soul, at night I have bad threats.

My mind tells me to shut down but my heart says don’t do wrong.
I have chronic depression that lasts far too long.
Thoughts go through my mind; do people love me?
Am I supposed to suffer and live life miserably?

I try to improve myself; this works to no avail.
I try to gain self esteem, but every time I fail.
It’s hard to be who I want to be; it’s hard to be me.
I’m depressed until I see your face; I can’t ever be happy.

I put on a fake smile; I wear a facade.
It seems as if when I’m depressed, everyone applauds.
Because no one truly understands all I have been through.
I just wish the day would come when my depression is abused, too.

I feel as if I’m broken, as if I fell apart.
I feel as if I’m invisible, living with no heart.
I feel as if I’m overlooked, as if I fade away.
I feel as if I’m out of my mind; I wish confidence would stay.

You see, in my life I’ve experienced too much warfare.
I’m falling back into depression, no one even cares.
It’s as if my smile is gone, the sunlight faded into the clouds.
This severely broken girl wants to scream out loud.

And yesterday I did scream, louder than ever before.
It shook the entire room and slammed the kitchen door.
But then I didn’t care because I was so in fear.
I want to make this perspicuous, I want to make this clear.

I’m living day to day, going through the motions.
I cry myself a river, now there are six oceans.
I want to gain my mind, I want to gain control.
I want to feel complete; I want to have my soul.

I want to feel my mind gain back my own sense.
I wish one day I would acquire some confidence.
I wish that one day I wouldn’t lose my mind.
I wouldn’t count on it though because it happens all the time.

It’s not as if I can stop it, or make it regulate.
It’s not as if the world is love; I can’t erase the hate-
That builds up in everyone, that exists in the air.
I honestly think that no one really cares.

Why should they, I’m only a human; it’s not like I have notions.
I’m only human, I couldn’t possibly have a heart full of emotions.
Because, seriously I’m only human; that’s what the birth certificate said.
Apparently depression is nothing; I’m only human; we all bleed red.



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This article has 2 comments.


on Jun. 2 2015 at 10:35 pm
KristenNoel ELITE, Mooresville, North Carolina
134 articles 0 photos 27 comments
@AllSoPlayfulWhenYouDemonize You have truly made my day, I can't even explain how happy I am now!:) I typically only write about my emotions, and I'm just so happy you loved this poem!!! I've never thought of myself as talented before, really- it means so much. I'm so glad I have a fan, and someone who loves my writing. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

on Jun. 1 2015 at 11:42 am
AllSoPlayfulWhenYouDemonize BRONZE, Richmond, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 228 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Our passion is our strength.&quot; <br /> -Billie Joe Armstrong

Wow, I really love this. You captured so much emotion. It's beautiful @KristenNoel! You've got so much talent(: I love your work.