My heart is trying to pop,
burst out of its iron shell,
concealing me,
disguising the real me,
hiding me,
from scorn,
judgment,
disapproval.

I want to break free,
fly,
but I am afraid of falling.
I am camouflaged,
blending in.
Until my environment changes,
I am invisible.

But then I step from desert to sea.
The muted orange is now brilliant gold.
The shell cracks,
heart pulsing,
showing the world who I am.

A girl who sings when no one is listening,
delights in dancing like no one is watching,
loves and cherishes her family more than anything,
wants to protect her little sisters,
guard them from hardships,
tears,
fear.

You don’t see me now.
I am a klutz,
tripping and spilling,
falling and laughing.
Sometimes I speak without thinking,
then guilt overtakes me.

You see the confident me.
The me who laughs off being told this seat is saved,
who will talk to 500 people without fear.
You see the girl that wouldn’t dream of breaking the rules.
Who laughs in a shiny way,
pinging like plastic glass.

I am petrified of failure,
of disappointing those I love.
I strive for the best,
but sometimes it’s not enough.

My tears are not delicate.
They’re body wracking sobs,
appearing when I’m unsure.
They leave me with a blotchy face,
shaking hands,
choking breath.

My family sees the me you don’t.
They laugh with my moments of spacyness,
tease me about my mistakes,
and adore me because of them.

My friends see the me that gets tired,
wanting to give up,
They see the girl who can run into a tree while skiing,
or overturn her hot cocoa.

I am not an angel.
I am like a devil with horns and a halo,
a paradox.
I love roller coasters,
and hate heights.
I’ll panic at the sight of a spider,
and jump off a cliff into frigid mountain waters.

I want to shine,
show the true me,
not the artificial,
metallic,
pseudo,
phony me.
I want exhibit my determination,
like the Mona Lisa of my soul,
the rainbow of my life!

I want to show my radiance,
luminescence.
I want to parade the real me!