It’s officially been 10 years
10 years since I was 4
10 years since I saw you alive
10 years that I don’t remember that well
10 years that I don’t go a day without wishing you were here
10 years since everyone was together
10 years since there were no arguments over who got what
10 years since I had warm chocolate milk every morning
10 years since I spent the night
10 years that have been good
10 years of crying
10 years that I’m still not over it
10 years of going to the cemetery with a blanket to keep those cold winters warm
10 years of not understanding
10 years of just stories
10 years of memories
10 years of pictures I wish I had
10 years of home movies
10 years of love that I want
10 years of finally understanding why mom makes dad call his parents so often
10 years of just driving by
10 years of growing up without you
10 years of more military service from some of us


These 10 years have not been easy
These 10 years I’ve wondered who you were
Finally after 10 years I understand who that was in the big bed in the front of the room
Finally after 10 years I understand why everyone was hugging
Finally after 10 years I understand why we sat in the back of the room and not in the front with the rest of the family
Finally after 10 years this is all making sense to me.