When the sunlight begins to fade
and fluorescent lighting sheds
store-bought depression
over my sentimental mess of a bedroom
this is when I think of you

Sadness lodges itself in my throat
tries to choke me
tries to kill me
when my eyes give way
when the dams break
and saline glides down my face

I utter your name
around a thousand curses
for what you did
for who you are
for being my abuser
rather than my brother

Music floods my ears
sad, solemn music
the kind that makes you think,
"Maybe I've had enough,
maybe I should end it now."
but for some reason, I stay

Your only miles away
with a life better than my own
and I wonder if you think of me
and cry this way
but why would you?
you're happy to be gone

But as the sunlight begins to fade
and fluorescent lighting sheds
store-bought depression
over my sentimental mess of a bedroom
this is when I begin to miss you