Scars fade,
but memories don’t.
Haunting images from dark, lonely nights
fill my vision.
I try to forget,
but the pain sinks in.
Disbelief washes over me.
How could i have that to myself?
I remember the pain again
and it’s not so easy to ask why anymore.

Emotions overtook my body,
my mind was swallowed up whole.
I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak.
I had to let it out so,
I reached for the pencil
and dragged it through my skin
over and over
until a word was etched into my skin.
I dug deeper and deeper until I was sure the word would be visible.
It was wrong, I knew that,
but it felt better.
Something had escaped.
I could breathe a little easier,
for awhile,
but then it came back
and I did it again.
I cut the word into my arm same as before just inch above the last time.
No blood, just the rise of flesh and scars
and, again i feel relief for a fleeting period of time.

My whole self is being swallowed by self hate,
but this time i’ll be different
I don’t cut through my skin.
I set the emotions free,
and slowly, days, months, years later,
I start to feel better.
The days don’t hurt as much.
The scars are fading and the memories make me stronger.