It’s just a Wednesday morning
And we are taking our scheduled Trigonometry test
When I hear screaming from the room next door
Now, deep down I know that it’s just some group of kids
Having fun with their teacher
Some kids just yelling for no reason what so ever
Kids just having fun
But these faint screams take me somewhere else
A place I have never personally had to experience
They pull me into a sea of petrified screaming
And the crisp sound of lives being taken
Every shot silences another forever
I can just imagine the anticipation, as the gunman gets closer
I can hear the screams closer now
And I think about how the Sandy Brook Elementary students
Must have felt
They wouldn’t have even known what was going on
In grades K-4, you still think the world is harmless
You may have experienced the occasional loss of a grandparent
Or perhaps a broken bone here and there
But you don’t even fathom the idea
That people shoot others for no reason
So to see a man killing their friends, their teachers…
I can just imagine the little girl covering herself in her friend’s blood to survive
The last thing they will ever be able to help her with
I can imagine her reaching into their blood
While looking into their dark and glazed eyes
Trying not to make a sound, trying not to feel guilty
Because she has to use their blood for her own survival
Just knowing there is nothing left for her to do for her friends
I imagine the teacher who sacrificed her life for her students
I see Victoria Soto, or Ms. Soto, as they would call her,
Frantically hiding her kids in the cabinets to make sure they stay secure
And not even once thinking about her own safety
I see the 52-year-old aid taking the bullet for a group of students
Not even hesitating or contemplating what will happen when that bullet
Breaks the skin and ricochets within
All I see are acts of selflessness to save these children who have yet to see the world
Who have yet to grow, to live, and to be
I see a little child get shot and feel the pain of their twin in the next room
What was once a life long partner will now forever be just a memory
An invisible friend when they were growing up,
Because they didn’t last long enough to remember
I see the teacher who glances out of her room just in time to save the life
Of the six year old boy just bringing the attendance down to the office
I see the fear in his eyes, the confusion
As the teacher grabs his arm and pulls him inside
But I don’t see what happens to them
Did they live through this tragedy?
Or did her saving his life risk the whole room?
I don’t know
All I can see are little six year olds bleeding out on the floor
Because of this monster
I see the six teachers bodies sprawled on top of their students
In a failed attempt to save their lives
I see 20 little headstones who never made it to the teenage years
20 little angels who will never get the chance to fall in love
never go to college, get a job, or have children of their own
20 little Sandy Angels who have just blown away in the wind
and I see 6 labeled adults who never got to grow old
so many unspent nights with their loved ones
and so many grieving families
all who can learn from their relatives
the saviors of this time
I see so many angels and my eyes are filling with tears,
Until I look up at the clock and remember
That I am safe
That the screams in the next room are just people having a good time
I remember that those angels will be taken care of by the universe and are in good hands
And it is only then that I am able to take the rest of my trig test
And hours later I know that I will have my little 6-year-old brother to hold
And I will hold him while I sing, “You are my Sunshine”
And my eyes will tear up when I get to “Please don’t take my sunshine away”
Because now I am thinking about all of the people who have to bury their sunshine and live
Behind a curtain of gray skies
They have to live with the rain clouds clinging in their eyes
And always looming above their heads
I know many parents have a funeral to attend
And I should be grateful, no, I am grateful,
That I still have my little first grade brother in my arms
Because those people don’t get that chance today,
The only time they can sing to their little angels are through prayer now
So I hold my brother close, and although he is an angel
I am so grateful that he is not a Sandy Angel