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mortified driving
My first time driving floods through me
and I recall transforming into a replica of a video game
in fact, I calmly believed I was clutching a controller in my dainty palms
attempting to steer, attempting to avoid that crash
I parked the car in drive
the wheels felt like the curling of my wrist on the game remote
the wheels were chalk on pavement
so effortlessly and never over looked
and when I parked the vehicle in rear
my heart did not follow
I marked perfect between the boundary lines
though my shadow was thousands of feet off like a golf ball rolling into rivers
I twisted and maneuvered around city poles
i circled my life in a separate collapsing universe
I actually stirred that maybe I'll be going somewhere in life
since I now know how to drive
maybe I won't be in the somber sceneries I imagine myself in
but that thought absentmindedly drained from my ears like fluids
and before I started the ignition
I evoked when I was dumbfounded the way that twenty-year old beside me drove
I was more of bewildered and couldn't retain my astonishment
but confessions like that make me adamant and upset
I was entirely seduced with his driving
for being a poor schoolgirl never around boys with a license
feelings of promiscuity erupted in me
and suddenly I was a sweltering volcano
careless if we were in the front seat or planet oblivion
the aching of him solace, numb, and leaned back on the seat with a hand steering
sculpts me as such a lustful painting
thirsting, battling to emerge out of my picture frame
how your eyes as bullets aimed straight beyond
but your mind was seeping somewhere else pertaining me
at times I am fear that locks my senses deep in coffins
how my senses undyingly jolt my structure racing alive
because my prognostications always match up with what the reality and truth are
and that ability has not gotten me in good places
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