He bursts through my door and I am startled awake
Violently he jabs a finger into my chest and sneers

Why?
…Why?
……Why?

But on the third inquiry, his mask of anger, a father’s facade, melts away
And instead he now gets on his knees and weeps
The pills in my stomach, like little cocoons, burst into butterflies
And I stare at my feet, refusing to let a single tear drop, refusing to cry

Before me is a full grown man, a survivor of cancer, a man that finds it hard
To even breathe
To even eat
To even sleep
To even live
To even go on
But on he goes

Before me is a father, breaking down, bawling, trembling
Rasping desperate pleases
Begging me to stop
Begging me to stop
Begging me to please stop
Pleading for a response, for a reason for his son’s pain
A pain deep enough to birth a single thought
"I want to die"

And he shakes his son and he shakes
Until my very bones start to ache
Until my very heart starts to ache
Until I want to run away forever
And wish that he had a better
Goddam son than I am
But I am unable to find a reason
All I find in me is a few promises
Already broken from the beginning

And he leaves my room believing
Believing
Believing
That maybe one day his son will be better

And I continue staring at my feet
And I cry a river of perfect lies