According to her,
we aren't even supposed to speak.
She believes I should go about my day,
forgetting more and more about you.
Truthfully,
I don't WANT to forget you.
I like those memories,
replaying inside my head.
I know you don't deserve me,
I know you don't care,
about the gentle forgiveness I gave you.
Sometimes I cry,
because I'm sick of you
ripping out my heart,
and stepping on it again,
and again.
All because of her,
you can't kiss me like you used to.
You can't hold my hand and tell me everything will be okay when I'm scared like you used to.
No more running your fingers through my hair when we'd lay together.
I feel like all of it was one big lie,
or a dream.
The way you'd smother me in compliments.
I loved it.
The way we'd hold our faces so close together,
just looking into each others eyes and laughing.
I miss it.
When I cry about you now,
I feel like my tears belong to you.
Along with my heart.
I can't help myself from stumbling upon people like you.
Because of her,
I feel like sometimes,
you can't even look at me.
I still get some cute texts,
saying how indescribably beautiful my eyes are.
But it will never be the same.
In a way,
I deserve this.
I am way too used to getting who I want.
Every time I see you,
I notice more about you,
taking it all in.
Then I feel like I'm falling deeper,
and deeper into something that will be even harder to get out of.
I feel like giving up sometimes,
I want to be done trying.
So one day,
if you ask me what my feelings are about you,
I would read you this poem,
and pour my heart out to you.