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the past
I’ve never really had a home,
Just places to lay my head.
Was pretty much on my own,
No one noticed when I bled.
Had no hope,
Just alcohol and dope,
I thought it would never stop,
As I drank it, drop by drop.
Would always run away,
No one would listen to what I had to say.
I just wanted to talk and play,
With a friend, for just one day.
I just wanted to feel love,
And see what it was all about,
Was there a God up above?
I was beginning to doubt.
Nothing ever came with ease,
No matter how much I begged,
I would even say “please?”
Just to get shoved in bed.
I was taught to be good on my back,
And on my knees as well.
I was told if I wasn’t a good girl,
I would surely go to hell.
I took the hits and got bruised,
For I knew if I’d fight back, I’d lose.
I kept the scars, that still remain,
It’s a wonder, how I’ve kept sane.
I still see their faces,
When I close my eyes.
When I go to certain places,
I can still remember how I cried.
I was just a little girl,
When life first bled from deep inside.
For years after, I still sat and cried.
For that day, a part of me had died.
I needed some direction,
My life needed some correction.
Cutting became my obsession,
It would teach me a lifelong lesson.
As time went by,
Things were getting better,
The rain on my parade,
Was becoming sunnier weather.
I became stronger,
And wiser too.
But still hid the pain deep inside,
So nobody knew.
Though there’s still some rain,
It’s sunny most days,
So I sit and enjoy,
Basking in the rays.
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