I don't understand. | Teen Ink

I don't understand.

March 9, 2014
By StephanieKristine SILVER, Westville, New Jersey
StephanieKristine SILVER, Westville, New Jersey
8 articles 5 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Fall down seven times, stand up eight.


I don't understand
why you say you love me
when you can barely talk to me.
I don't understand
why I should continue to call you daddy
when you don't show me that affection.
I don't understand
why I should continue to reach out to you
when you barely respond to my messages.
I don't understand
why I should make that effort
when you have moved on with your life.
I don't understand
why you want me to come visit
when you're the one who left first,
not me.
I don't understand
why you don't try as hard
as everyone else.

You do understand,
that my life is difficult, now,
because I don't have my father
with me.
You do understand,
that nothing is the same
because you left.
You do understand
that I'm terrified,
t e r r i f i e d
of letting myself fall in love
because you fell out of it
after 17 years,
and just let it go
without a fight?
You do understand,
that I've become more prone
to have a seizure
because I'm stuck with all the weight
that you couldn't carry with mother
when you were with her.
You do understand
that all I really want for
my sweet 16,
is my father to come
and make our lives all better again?

You do understand,
that I just miss my father.


The author's comments:
I was just recently trying to make conversation with my father after a year or two, and it didn't work. All I got was a two word response for a lot of the things that I've said. I've tried telling him about my writings, I've sent him a link to a poem off of here, and I got nothing. I tried explaining about how I was feeling after a seizure I recently had.. and I even tried talking to him about my problems, but it just doesn't seem like he cared at all, and Here I was, fighting to have my dad back in my life. I guess I'll resort back to reading books with my sad songs like "Breathe Me" by Sia which is always okay. But, I still wish my dad was here to celebrate my sweet 16th with me... instead of being in Florida with his new family.

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