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Guilt
April 7, 2014
I am an internal dismay,
Found among the debris of his soul;
Unable to hide in the anorak of marvel,
I hinder the fragile mind and forsake the loner
Not letting him slumber, but disappear off gaiety.
Being the rationale for his wrong,
but not one for the right,
I kill his conscience
And let him see the dark sides of his spirit.
I lead him to the “Pleasure-free zone”
but that pass- is just the one he earned!
I know, I know, I am the one who troubles;
But if he could be a sound learner,
I could be the best lesson he learnt-
The lesson he’d never forget learning from.
There’s yet something good about me!
I could give him back all that he ruined,
and never let him lose the riches he gained!
© Mark P. Woodside, NY
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This article has 5 comments.
Trace.C.Schuelke PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 20 2014 at 11:40 am
This piece definitely has an entrancing, almost mythic vibe to it, and will certainly captivate readers in its language and thematic feel. However, the overuse of dialect in the opening can also be detrimental for the reader. Washing a piece in copious amounts of advanced language (at least without rhythm or flow to it) will, in most cases, will wash out the purpose or meaning with it. The stanza no longer has the feeling it should, instead, it just has words. So I would perhaps go back through and revise, not to dumb down your piece, but to make it more accessible for readers while also adding rhythm and flow. It could end up as something marvelous then.
living_in_grey said...
on Apr. 11 2014 at 3:38 pm
i really enjoyed reading this! great job!
Nerdydragon SILVER said...
on Apr. 9 2014 at 1:55 pm
Very nice, I liked it! :)
Roy.M.Hunter GOLD said...
on Apr. 9 2014 at 9:20 am
Your poem was awsome,I loved it.
skydancer666 GOLD said...
on Apr. 9 2014 at 7:33 am
i like this keep up the good work and i really can relate to this =)
