Calm and quiet I lay… still in my bed… thinking… waiting… too tired to sleep… so I dream… A bright light and I look over… then a sound and I wake… but only for the moment… “yes you most definitely are but for your sake I hope you’re not, the emotional roller coaster will be hard for everyone… just try to have fun and enjoy being with him.” I can’t hold my stomach in anymore… I can’t pick up heavy things… I’m growing all over and the pain follows but it’s not the pain that hurts… it’s never a good idea to listen to “Stan” by Eminem ft. Dido when you’re in my situation… still feel the pain of that video… we are growing together but changing in different ways… as we mature we have to remember that we have to re learn each other as well. Quality time as a family is what I wait for this weekend… to relax and sleep in… because they always say you should never wake people like us… out of control… sick… sensitive in many ways… but still loving … still caring… and still me… for the most part… my past ate away at my mind… my body… my strength… and my heart… now I’m searching for these broken pieces just to be ok for you … I’m a wreck… a bomb waiting to blow but yet each night light my flame and let it blow… of course when you’re not looking… so that in the morning I’ll be ok when I put the flame out… that mysteriously lights itself in the middle of the night… they thought they took everything I had but they forgot to take my passion to love and be loved… and I do love for I love all animals… I love our ones that grow… and I Love you… for I wouldn’t be here without you… or at least I wouldn’t want to be here… but I am here and while I’m here I will try my hardest to make not only us… but mostly myself… better… stronger… happier… for you… and my… ours… your… family… I may be too far along to not keep them… but I know well make it work… no matter how much we grow... grow together and never forget people change as they mature and that’s always a good thing… Let us grow and change… as well as them… I am happy… so I sit and wait to be with you and create a future we want and have… Do I dare ask? ... What will happen now? ... Watch the waterfall flow… and wait for the answers in The Waters of My Soul…