I'm not broken.
I'm not fragile goods that you need to handle with caution.
Don't avoid me in dodgeball,
hit me with the ball as hard as you can...
or maybe not that hard, wouldn't want to
"Break" my other knee.

When the PE coach says to break off into teams,
my palms start to sweat and I look down at the concrete
and hope that one of my friends will
remember how good I was at guarding the flag last time,
and maybe pick me,
but I'm usually last.
The captain says,
"well, I guess you're on this team",
so I walk over, my feet feeling heavy
and pulled towards the ground.

I never even break a sweat
in the 80 degree weather
because I get to stay in the shade
guarding the flag,
a position that is far from desired.
I guess it’s my team's tactic to keep
all their weaknesses tucked away.

When we were doing relay races
my teammates suggested I sit out
because I couldn't run fast,
and they asked for a head start
because the "cripple" was on their team.
Funny story, I was faster than one of those boys,
but if we lose, I'm the one that gets blamed.

Yet, everyone seems really sympathetic
when I need a buddy to ride
the elevator down to Spanish.

My friends would joke and ask if I had
any other shoes besides these,
but the newest styles don't always go
with a knee brace.
And the canvas tops on converse sneakers
weren't always good enough to support my leg,
which still threatens to
give out beneath me
every single step I take.

Sometimes I still wear my knee brace
even when it's not necessary
because it can be scary
To walk on my own two feet
without my crutches to support me.
I fuel the fire that I so desperately
try to extinguish,
resisting and wanting
Simultaneously.

Because my injury has always been there
like a cushion to fall back on,
so when we do lose the race,
I can say: “Hey, I can’t help
that I’m crippled, don’t blame me.”

It's hard to break the habit.
I excuse myself out of half the things I could do,
because what if I’m still the slowest runner in my class
And it's been almost a year since my surgery?
What will I say then?
What if I'm never good enough?

So maybe I am broken,
but I'm not doing too much to fit all of my
pieces back together.