Why do I still torture myself with memories of you?
His smell lingers in the air and on my sheets but I still think about how your skin smelled beneath my cheek
He comes in quietly at night as though he's sneaking into my head to interrupt my dreams of how you used to hold me close when I slept
He leaves and it reminds me of how you left and never returned, but he keeps coming back like rain in the middle of April
I watch him sleep, eyes closed and peaceful, the way one watches TV reruns while wishing for something better to come on
I watch him move, his skin glistening from the moonlight, and his body is just not the right size to fit the mold my eyes made for you
When he talks, I hear his words like nails on a chalkboard and though I laugh at his jokes, he never notices that my smile never reaches my eyes
I know you would have noticed because you loved both my eyes and smile and I wish he would look at me the way you did instead of scattered glances
I ignore the cries of the cats we wanted, when in reality they were what he wanted and I wish I could be something he wanted almost as much as it makes me sick to my stomach knowing I was once what you wanted
I wake up in the morning wearing his shirt
but it doesnt fit the way yours did and the
Aeropastle tag scratches the back of my
neck Even his eyes, pretty as can be, do not hold the ocean like yours did, they just reflect
the emptiness in me that you left behind
My brain tries to memorize him while my heart tries to forget you
I can't remember how he tastes from night to night, but your taste is still on my tongue from the last time you may have loved me
It just doesn't feel right or fair to him or myself to play this game where no one wins but everyone loses a friend but I'll keep playing until I lose the past or I destroy the future