I don't quite know the reason why but I have been dreading this for months now.
The moment when I would wake up one beautiful sunday morning to find the sky grey with colour, that same colour that fills my heart with love and lust, and brings a subtle shimmer to my eyes.
The leaves.
Those same leaves that only a short while ago embellished the air with shade, protecting me from outside harm. These leaves adorn the earth now in an array of new patterns.
Autumn.
The most magical time of the year. My favorite season.
The golden, dry, crisp leaves lay scattered around my new domain, their presence fills me with old memories, memories that I have thought would weaken me. Would take me back to the darkness which has almost consumed me on many an occasion.
But not today. Not this time fore I look out to the world with a new set of eyes, a new perspective which grasps a new reality. My darling is gone, and I miss him more than a mother yearns for her fallen son, he left at a time when I thought my world was going to fall apart. Would shatter and crash upon the nadir of my mind.
But this is not so. I realized that he will never leave me, he has always been at my side and now he lies under a concrete statue and freshly packed earth. Beneath those graceful golden leaves outside my bedroom window. Where he shall rest until I am able to join him.
I am where I was meant to be, I was not here a year ago and next year I shall be somewhere else but I am here now and that is all that matters.