Imitatio Dei | Teen Ink

Imitatio Dei

June 9, 2014
By lalalalisaa BRONZE, Rochester, New York
lalalalisaa BRONZE, Rochester, New York
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I was always an unusual girl.<br /> My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean, and if I said I didn&#039;t plan for it to turn out this way I&rsquo;d be lying.<br /> Because I was born to be the other woman.<br /> I belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.<br /> Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn&#039;t even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.&quot;


Bare bones cowering beneath pale skin,
you declared it made me beautiful.
We were condemned
by heavy metal and Tarantino films,
but I never had a problem with that, or the bruises
left in constellations on my thighs from bite marks.
They reminded me of stamps
doled out by dance teachers after class,
and I wore them proudly every morning.

Manic madman freed from jail
laughing, the night you asked me
what I thought the world was spiraling for and
what I thought my cellular composition meant.
A noxious smile slithered up the corners of your face
devising clever ways to determine our compatibility,
and you must have decided that we were.
I held tight to your headboard as it shook
hiding a face flushed red
that you didn't notice, and never would.

Jesu juva

On Easter
you showed me what to do with
pretty white powder
and I became an author, crafting stories in my head
of what I’d tell my mother I spent the holiday doing.
While we were chemically resurrected,
somewhere in the dizzied night
church bells rang, and my grandmother prayed.

“November Rain” at
4am
and even you couldn't erase from memory
the way yellow leaves fell like secrets.
I considered evaporating
but it wouldn't have mattered,
because either way I woke up alone.
Eighteen years of Sundays spent kneeling in perfectly lined pews and still,
I knew nothing of religion before you.

Ignis aurum probat


The author's comments:
Never worship someone so far up on a pedestal that you lose yourself in the process.

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