Songs run through my head
As I try to figure out
My last words
Not for this world
For I have come to accept
The love and hate I have for it
And the many shades in between
But the last words
For this journal
Journal, journey
I have immortalized
My journey (in this notebook)
Or part of it.
But I have let it define Me
for far too long.
I decide I have to let go.
Little by little
Farther and farther away
I have to stay each day
from those days
I sometimes regret.
I have found what I was looking for
After all this time.
Yet still
So afraid, so very afraid.
Of losing them
Are they afraid
of Losing me?
Yes, of course
I realize I am right.
And now, the smoke and mirrors
Have disappeared
There are many sides of me
That I still have to figure out
But only one me
In the mirror.
The voices in my head have been
sedated, never to awaken again
I hope.
Afraid, so afraid.
It's good . . .
To be afraid.
The thought strikes me
Yet comforts me.
I'd love to explain
But a magician
Never tells her tricks' secrets
My only trick -
To know how to live
Finally
Not just survive
But live.