After him, it felt as if she was left in the cold.
All she wanted was to feel wanted.
All she needed was to feel needed.
She bought the cheapest kind of love with her bod
Their touch brought pink to her cheeks
But nothing to her soul
Feeling their lips, their skin, their heat
She could almost imagine everything was okay
But only he could make her feel loved.
After him, her demons came out of hibernation.
To taunt and torture her in her pain.
She tried to smother them in alcohol;
With the taste of the bitter drink
Burning down her throat
Her thoughts began to blur
But the voices only grew louder
Shedding tears of hopelessness
All she could think of was how his light had expelled the creatures before.
After him, she knew she would never be good enough
The first one to ever take a second glance,
Refuses to look anymore.
Breathing in the smoke of the pipe,
She felt the memories fade;
Exhaling, she let the sweet gases hide her pain
Her troubles dissipated and her heart began to float.
But the high wore off too soon, and she craved for more.
After him, the urges overwhelmed her
She wanted to rid the world of herself
She knew she didn’t deserve this life
To heal her soul
She baptized herself in liquid ecstasy
She pierced the rivers of her veins with the needle
And pumped in the glimmer of hope
This time, her mind went blank
And all sensations were beautiful
Yet when she woke up to find herself on the bathroom floor,
With all the shattered pieces of her heart cutting into her skin
She grew a desperation for more of that escape.
She let her desire take control
She lost herself to the pain and then to the addiction.
The demons attacked and she fought with artificial happiness
Then the drugs engulfed her, and she surrendered.
The girl who once was, is gone
But maybe that is what she wanted all along.