Unaware.
Diving deep,
acting before I speak -
who am I?

Looking back, realized:
I’m everything I hated
everything I despised
but still I sneak a smile
with those shifty eyes of mine.

What happened?
Where is that girl?
So sweet, innocent, and kind -
now corrupt and “fun;”
where’s that virgin mind?

How far is too far
before she disappears.
Dive deep, deep,
deeper -
will she float?
or drown in her tears?

One simple kiss
now a devil’s servant -
hiding in hypocrisy,
lying through her mask.

She almost fools herself
but feels empty inside
so relies on guilty pleasures
to give her that high ride.

She knows better
but she’s just a teen.
“Time of her life:”
how much can it mean?

She dives deep
only to suffer;
people screw up
even her lover.

To think, to conform;
to rationalize, to perform?
Who is the audience-
is it an audience of one?

Life is a lie-
“love.”
Does it exist?
Or are the desperate merely
wasting their time?
Am I?
Should I worry?
Should I frown?
And pretend I’m not around?

Around the influence?
But I am
and I am unaware,
undecided about me.

Good girl gone,
where am I?
Who am I?
Still not wrong.

I’m in too far-
too deep to return.
But does He forgive?
So what? Everyone does.

“Be the best.”
But is that what I want?
Or these false friends, false fun,
until my diploma comes?

Confused, lost.
He really messed me up.
Head over heels, I was.
He murdered everything-
everything I’ve ever been.


And he hasn’t looked back
because he’s fallen
into the status quo
(the stereotype I’m considering.)

But is it worth it?
Is there an in-between?
What’s the big deal?
I want to be me.

Unaware.
Diving deep,
acting before I speak -

who am I?