I sit in silence... type..backspace.. type..then backspace again. Nothing seems right, no words could put into place what I feel nor what I've felt. I'm sorry to say but I've lost who I am; perhaps I never really knew but for now I feel more lost than I've ever been. Heartbreak through heartbreak I've learned a few things, I've struggled and cried. In the mist of it all I've grown scared, scared to trust and most importantly to fall. All I've ever wanted was to find someone who's as dedicated and as interested as I am. I want someone who I don't have to worry about. I want to trust without having doubt and fall without regret. To smile without later feeling guilty. Most importantly all I want is to be understood, no yelling, no cheating, no being taken advantage of, no crying. I want to get to know someone's inner thoughts, their secrets, fears and everything in-between. Maybe I watch too many movies and gather all these pathetic hopes up but then again Maybe They're What's saving me from loving wrongly.. I mean I have before and It's been such a tragic thing. But somehow I feel like there could possibly be a guy who for once won't get tired of me or lose feelings, who would be there not only for a couple of months but years. I'm tired of having the most dumbest mentality and telling myself not to get attached because they'll leave..but as always they always do and the same cycle repeats itself. It's as though I enjoy getting hurt. I guess the good times are worth the pain