I’m writing a poem about you.

Why?

Because I’m sad,

And mad,

And upset,

And depressed,

And tears are running down my face

Caused by the disgrace

Of being cast off

Again.

...And now I’m even more sad

because this poem is so bad...

I blame you.

I can’t tell you how I feel.

I don’t know what I feel.

Except this weight

In my chest

That makes it hard to breathe.

It is so heavy.

I cannot move

From this spot on the floor

Where I have been sitting

And stewing

And seeping

For too long.

I can’t lift my limbs.

The weight tugs at my mouth.

Yet something escapes

A noise I shouldn’t be able to make.

It grows and fills my ears

Bringing on tears

Which fall thick and fast.

There is a pressure in my nose

It’s kind of gross

I hate the sound it makes when blowing into a tissue.

It’s the sound of defeat.

As if I’m seeking your pity.

Congratulations.

You made me cry.

Bastard.

I’m sorry

I didn’t mean that.

But you used to be so sweet.

What happened?

What changed?

Did I make you this way?

With my nagging

And my bragging

And all my negative qualities.

I know I kind of suck.

I took advantage of you

I manipulated you

But I loved you.

Always in my heart.

Was that not enough?

And all along I thought you were the naive one.

I sometimes hate myself

And what I did to you.

But you did bad things too.

Remember?

I do.

Wait,

That was a lie.

You were an angel.

And I pushed you off your cloud.

I pushed you to do things

You never wanted to do

And prodded you to say things

That did not come from you

And poked you to feel things

That you should never have been exposed to.

My sweet angel.

Dear god,

What did I do to you?

I’m trying to reform.

To make amends.

Please.

Find your wings.

I’m letting you go.

Fly away.

I’m sitting alone

On the floor

Still unable to move.

I let you go

And you left me

With the sense

Of your lips on the tip of my nose.

And the feeling grows

With your arms around me

But I still feel free

As my chest rises

And falls

Against the weight of your love

Which anchors me.

My safeguard.

But I’m trying to think differently

To make is easier

For me at least.

Maybe that weight wasn’t holding me.

It was crushing me.

Breaking me down until I was left with nothing

But my insecurity.

Gravity to your weight on my life.

But now that weight has lifted.

Yet, I’m still on the ground.

Wait,

Maybe my wings are just pinned down.

Yes there they are!

(I knew I had to have some too)

(It’s not just you)

Just give them a minute

They need to breathe

Take it all in.

Okay,

I’m not blaming you

But they are a little bent

From time spent

Underneath you

And your crushing weight.

It’s okay.

My first few flights might be crooked

But they will straighten themselves out.

I might make more than a few miscalculations

On my path

(I’m pretty bad at math)

Among other things

But like my droopy wings

I will learn to love my insecurities.

They won’t stop me from flying any more.

And neither will you.

(But this isn’t a “f*** you”.)

Ours was a love story for the ages.

And I will always love you.

Safe flight.