I have carried the weight of the world on my shoulders.

When the world came crashing down only to be held up by my small frame, and strong will.

The weight of the grief from being told at twelve years old by my grandfather that he had cancer,

And he didn’t know if he would make it to next Christmas, and I can’t tell anyone.

The struggles I faced every day because he told me not to.

The pain when I failed to be there for him, and I missed his last few months alive.

I’ve carried some weight on my shoulders...

I’ve carried some trauma in my life.

When I was too young to know what was right, and what was wrong…

The secrets I kept because it was just between us.

The secrets I kept because I was scared of them.

The lies I told myself to make each time seem not so wrong in my mind.

The shame I felt every day because I was too scared to say no more…

I’ve carried trauma through my life...

I’ve carried secrets in my life.

Not because I didn’t know how to tell,

But because I didn’t have anyone to tell.

With a lack of support and secret hate that people had for me,

How would I tell without just being brushed off?

I couldn’t trust anyone, because how do you trust when you know they don’t care?

When secrets become overwhelming and no one will listen when you cry out in the night.

I’ve carried secrets through life...

I’ve carried pain in my life.

When I gave my all, but was still never good enough.

Became everything they ever wanted,

And was still treated like garbage.

When you give your all….

And you are finally enough,

But it’s not the right time and you have to leave everything behind…

Only to start fresh where no one likes you…

I’ve carried pain in my life…

I’ve carried jealousy in my life.

When I only wanted someone to listen,

But there was always someone more important than me.

When I only wanted comfort but someone else was more in need.

I’d work myself to death helping someone…

And get nothing in return.

I’ve carried jealousy in my life.

I’ve carried joy in my life.

Where I was finally good enough at the right time.

Where I had no secrets.

I had someone there to talk to me and comfort me.

When he takes away the pain.

Where he wipes out my bad memories because he is finally mine.

Where I never come in second place,

Because I’m his number One.

I’ve carried joy in my life.

I’ve carried myself through life.

Where others needed me more,

And I could be there for them.

I could help me,

and help them too.

I don’t have to worry about pleasing people,

Because I know who is important,

And who just uses me.
I’ve carried myself through life.