I don’t believe in God,
But I’ve got no one else to pray to.
You see,
At night,
I often say,
“In case you didn’t hear me,
I’m trying this again.”
I pray at 2 AM when I’ve yet to fall asleep,
And I pray in the mirror when I don’t like what I see.
I know some people pray for a new job, a new car.
Little children pray for no toys and no homework,
And families bless their dinner on more nights than not.

I’m not praying for something shiny or new,
But I guess I don’t know if I ever had it.
I check the mail box two times a day,
Praying in my heart someone will send it my way.
I kneel in the shower when I don’t feel clean.
Sometimes I pray for someone to please save me,
But I’d save myself if I just had one thing.
I pray for my sanity.
I pray for my sanity.

Sometimes when I pray,
I hear the word “no,”
And it echoes across my damaged soul.
I said “No!”
But he took it as yes.
In the dark,
His hands tracing my collarbone,
His poisonous caress.
His tongue down my throat was the kiss of death.
We were just twelve and it was so dark.
He was tracing the outlines,
Lips, neck, and breasts,
Down past my stomach, across my hips,
Thighs, underwear, and well, you can guess.
I couldn’t scream.
He had stolen from me what I had left.
He took more than just my innocence.

I’m not praying for something shiny or new,
But I guess I don’t know if I ever had it.
I check the mail box two times a day,
Praying in my heart someone will send it my way.
I kneel in the shower when I don’t feel clean.
Sometimes I pray for someone to please save me,
But I’d save myself if I just had one thing.
I pray for my sanity.
I pray for my sanity.

That day on the bridge,
When I wanted to die,
I prayed for my sanity, not for my life,
And I screamed profanities
Because I was told
That impurities rot in Hell for eternity,
But Hell was already here.
What is one more lifetime to burn?
PTSD has burnt my everything.
It’s the hushed whispers of “SHH! Don’t tell!”
It’s the reliving of everything you want to forget.
It’s the fire of flashbacks and burning regret.
It’s everything you couldn’t say in the dark.
It’s the loss of your sanity!
I want to find my sanity!

I’m not praying for something shiny or new,
But I guess I don’t know if I ever had it.
I check the mail box two times a day,
Praying in my heart someone will send it my way.
I kneel in the shower when I don’t feel clean.
Sometimes I pray for someone to please save me,
But I’d save myself if I just had one thing.
I pray for my sanity.
I pray for my sanity.

You know,
I’d gladly live in Hell
If I could just have my sanity.