Smoke filled air and

rotten lungs,

bleeding wrists everything

falls

apart, what is the point

when there's nothing I can do?

you're gone

it's out of my control

out of

my sweaty desperate hands-

they can't piece this together what

happened to forever

you said so,

you said

nothing could ever change.

fool

naive and ignorant, oblivious

moron.

what more did I need?

a blow to my stomach

knocks to my head

posters held parading to my

footsteps but nothing would have 

helped

'cause sometimes

it's not up to you.

there's nothing you can do.

I know that, now.

But please, don't paint illusions

of daisy meadows

sunshine skies

green grass growing

laughing kids running-

let me be

let me spoil my lungs

let me smoke my cigarette in hopes

that it wil be the last.

just let me,

please.