Her

i lost Her.
Not that i hadn’t already
but it just
hit me.
The feel of Her skin
Her iridescent eyes
i miss them.

Oh
sorry…i forgot you were listening.
i should probably tell you She isn’t real.
Well…
She kind of is
but only to me.
Well to others too
but i-i see Her different.
Most people can touch Her.
i can’t.

i wish i knew how sleep felt.
i only sleep minutes at a time with hours of consciousness in-between.
i wouldn't want anything else.
it hurts but it suits me
pain.

Well
let me tell you about Her.
Her skin was cool
it almost felt dead
but that might have just been my own skin.
It feels like that most of the time.

i always got lost in Her eyes.
They were my one escape
but i only saw the two of them for minutes at a time.
The time between those minutes felt like seconds of eternity.
We’re in one of those seconds now
but you probably don’t care.
She didn’t.

She always kept her distance.
i don’t know if She didn’t like me but that didn’t really matter.
i loved her.
i love her.

Well enough about Her.
Here’s a little bit about me.
My nights last longer than most people’s lives
but i think it only feels like that to me.
Sometimes i scratch.
Not like an itch scratch but more of a digging.
i like the blood that stains my fingers.
It warms them.

i cry a lot.
Tears fall out before i think of a reason why they should.
She said it was sweet.
i said it was suicide.

Suicide.
i used to think of that word
but it just doesn’t make much sense to me now.
i wouldn’t be here when she came back.
Sh-she will come back.

It’s almost morning now.
This happens a lot.
My mind wanders but
when i remember to sleep
I’m already in my car going to school.

School.
I always have to put make up on.
I do a good job considering no one has noticed, you know,
the lines of broken skin.
The swollen eyes.

They also don’t know we’re not together anymore.
i didn’t tell anyone cause i was embarrassed.
She left me.
Now i have to wear makeup.

It seems as if when i walk in the school i blink and
It’s over.
I’m already back in my car headed home.
Safe.
Not really though.
I’m the one that’s done most of the damage.

i-i didn’t realize how late it was.
It’s-it’s night again and
she might come back
so I-I’m gonna go now.
I wouldn’t want to miss her.

Thanks for listening
She won’t
they won’t
i won’t.

At least screens don’t judge
cause if they did
I’d have no one to talk to.

i-i hope she comes.
i hope she comes.
i hope she comes.

It sure would fix a lot.