Bittersweet smiles we exchanged that day.
I was happy but on the verge of breaking down.
You had tears but I could tell you were pleased.
That was the last time I’d shared a happy moment with you.
Even then, it was bittersweet.
My dreams were not nightmares, but certainly weren’t pleasant that night.
They were of you, of course.
How can a person invade my mind?
I am not letting you in, but there you are.
You are breaking and entering, but I will not call for help.
My mood could only be described as a color.
An off gray tinged with blue I suppose.
You were beautifully hideous tone of pale pink.
It made me sick.
And I do not want a cure.
The feeling that is created deep behind the bars of your ribs,
The feeling of a song that makes you sit and stare.
The feeling of melancholic delight, joy clashing with despair.
The feeling of wondering what is out there, beyond your eyes. All I’ve ever known.
Your voice is music that I listen to every day.
My doctor said I’m going deaf.
You are a child laughing with friends, while gunshots fire a block away.
You are the only child that does not stop playing.
I am done with you, I think.
You are done with me, I know.
I don’t want it to be done, but it must. I only end what suffers.
It suffers, it suffers, it suffered.
Bittersweet smiles we exchanged that morning, the sun barely lighting the Earth.
I was happy, but on the verge of breaking down.
You were weeping, but I could tell you were pleased.
The embrace of the empty space where you should be is a cold one.
But it’s an embrace nonetheless.
An embrace I never got from you.