I hang over the abyss now. The pit void of all feeling. I see the people who came before me in it. They swirl in circles, moving without care or forethought. They gave up so long ago that they can’t even remember what it was like to feel alive – to feel a connection to anything. Every so often they bump into one another and argue nonchalantly, speaking insults and destroying any hope of relation or friendship. They may exist within the void, but the truth of it all is, the void really exists within them. They say it’s easier. They say they like it, but you can see the truth within their eyes. The pain… the longing… the desire to be something more than a shell of a human being. The weeping is silent, yet it can still be heard. In their minds they believe nothing can hurt them in their apathy. The reality of it all is that they hurt themselves. Not always emotionally either. Physical pain tattoos their bodies in their failed and secretive attempts to feel something again without leaving the abyss.
How did they come to fall into this emptiness? Were they hurt long ago? The silent screams leave unanswered questions in the wake of their sound waves. I must make a choice now. The pit wants me to be a part of it, as well as it a part of me. The normal world offers sorrow and pain. It forces you to question why you should care about it, if it doesn’t care about you. Did you have a great day? Did your day seem never-ending and torturous? The normal world just looks on. People are selfish and greedy, and ones that are wonderful and lifegiving are few in quantity.
And so, the void cries out to me, “HOW CAN YOU BE ANNOYED IF YOU DON’T CARE? IF YOU SIMPLY BLOCK IT OUT… IF YOU JUST DON’T LET ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU THEY CAN NEVER HURT YOU!”
It makes a fine offer, but I must pass. I’ve seen the mistakes of others, and how their apathy consumed them to the point where it was difficult to consider them in any way human. It pained me to see them that way and of course they didn’t care.
I may care too little at times, but I can never fully block out how I feel. Those who’ve given in to the abyss think their relationship with it is mutualistic, but it is nothing but parasitic. It carefully seeks out its prey and traps them with lies and promises. It contains them with the fear of the normal world. The fear of what hurt them in the first place. Teaching them that the pain of isolation is not as bad as the pain of emotion.