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Affectionate Darkness
September 5, 2010
Your light is darkness
Shining brighter than anything,
In your heart so cold
© Susannah B., Greenwich, CT
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 1 comment.
37 articles 4 photos 193 comments
Alright, so first off: the second line should have seven syllables. Yours has eight.
The third line reads awkwardly...I think it should be, "In a heart so cold", because we already know whose heart you are talking about.
I like the contrast between the descriptions, how the person being described is blindingly dark.
Perhaps this just wasn't meant to be a haiku...it reads really weirdly. Three stars because I enjoyed the imagery, but the form is off.