Sometimes I wonder what happened.

I go back to look at old messages.

When did you start using my deadname?

I am sad.

How did you make me feel that way?

I wanted that feeling for so long.

I think you abused it.

Abused me.

I am crying.

I put on Joji and cry.

I know you didn’t like him…

Is it because of that?

Because I listen to somber,

Dignified,

And heart touching music?

I am sleeping.

The dream I once had of you and me…

Has turned.

Turned into a nightmare.

I am frozen.

Sleep paralysis,

Haunts me.

I am dead.

I scraped till there was nothing.

Till there was no one.

I am dead.

Where did I go wrong?

You wrap your arms around me.

Blush.

Where did I go wrong?

I kissed your aching arms.

Where did I go wrong?

I am rotting.

I go back to look at old messages.

I go back to look at old messages.

I go back to look at old messages.

I go back to look at old messages.

…

Where did I go wrong.

I realize.

I see where I went wrong.

No.

No I dont.

Yes.

Yes I do.

I fell for you.

Believed you loved me too.

For you said.

Said you were afraid,

If someone were to take me from you.

Called me sweet.

I realized.

You complimented me.

No one ever compliments me.

Calls me sweet.

Laughs with me.

Spends hours talking about nothing.

It was something different.

It was a lie.

It was all fake.

I am dead.

I DON’T WANT TO BE FRIENDS.

I WANT TO BE LOVERS.

I WANT YOU TO WANT ME,

THE WAY I WANT YOU.

I am sorry.

I think of my ex.

He treated me kind.

Gave me compliments.

Just like you.

But as soon as I opened up,

He left.

Just like you.

I am naive.

I am weak.

I am Jay.