I Ask Myself | Teen Ink

I Ask Myself

January 16, 2011
By Anonymous

Sometimes I wonder if you do
If you do really know who I am
If you really can call yourself my friend
I wonder if if I were in pain
Would you care enough to ask if I wanna stay
Cause lately I don't see you around anywhere

I ask myself thousand of questions
Only wishing you were here to hear
I look out the window every day
Just to find that this is the end

I start blaming myself for being quiet
But then I know that you're the one to blame
Cause if you showed me you cared about me
I'm sure I'd say 'stay here with me'
I think I'm the only one who needs help here
And you don't ever try to understand
You'd rather not notice that I am the one
Who hides her tears behind the don't-care face

Sometimes when I'm in my bedroom
I spend all my time imagining you and me
Talking and talking forever
Cause all of these little things that destroy and build me
I wish you knew them so you can say
'Kate you are the strongest person I've met'

I ask myself thousand of questions
Terrified that the answers aren't there
So I'm sitting here and writing this song
To let you know that I'm not myself

I start blaming myself for being quiet
But then I know that you're the one to blame
Cause if you showed me you cared about me
I'm sure I'd say 'stay here with me'
I think I'm the only one who needs help here
And you don't ever try to understand
You'd rather not notice that I am the one
Who hides her tears behind the don't-care face

What you should know is that
I never say those three words: 'I love you' cause I'm too scared of being left
When you ask me 'how can you smile all day?', I think of the nights I cry in my bed
I'm always afraid of speaking what I think cause I'm too scared of being laughed at
That's how I lost myself in this life and now I'm just looking for a friend
Cause you don't want to see my real face

I start blaming myself for being quiet
But then I know that you're the one to blame
Cause if you showed me you cared about me
I'm sure I'd say 'stay here with me'
I think I'm the only one who needs help here
And you don't ever try to understand
You'd rather not notice that I am the one
Who hides her tears behind the don't-care face

I ask myself thousand of questions
And I still don't know how to answer
I don't wanna end up like you all say I will
Cause you don't deserve to see me break


The author's comments:
I have my problems, real problems. Not ones like 'omg, I don't know how to show him I like him', but more like 'someone who should've been my role model since I was born, has become someone who ruined my life and who I never want to be like'. Nobody knows about it. I realized my friends who I have been with for 9 years now are not my real friends cause they come to me when they have a problem and they don't give a f*** when I need help. I wrote this to one of them.

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