i close my eyes

as my thoughts

begin to take over.

And they're all

about him.

the first boy i

ever loved.

we were young,

so painfully young,

and had no idea what

we were getting into.

Two years older than i,

he was everything.

And i loved him,

and him, I.

I loved everything

about him.

The simple way

our lips molded together,

like two lost puzzle peices

finally finding each other.

The careful way

he caressed my face,

as he whispered sweet

nothings in my ear.

Even now,

with him so far gone,

I can still

feel the shiver of excitement

run down my spine,

at the mention of his name.

And he knew

how to make

every problem

dissapear.

We were so happy,

for so long,

and i was so

blissfully unaware

of the problems

that lie ahead.

He was my everything.

And i tried my best to

show my appreciation.

He was my first,

and when he left me,

i swore to be my last.

Sometimes,

When i'm not thinking

about how much i loved him,

My stomach knots

in pain,

remembering his "Bad" days.

He wasn't perfect,

but to this day,

I still love him.

But no one quite

gets over thier first love,

do they?

So i promised to forget him,

To never speak of him

again.

And for a while,

it worked.

But now,

I Am so confused.

This cant happen again,

I'm caught in a

Whirl-wind of emotions.

There is a new man

in my life.

One that seems perfect.

But it's a recipe

for disaster.

I think i love him,

but i can't risk it.

Can't risk the pain,

Can't risk the heartache.

Even though we're older,

love at our age

can't last,

..... right?

A quick kiss

from this new....

"friend",

would solve everything.

but it's too late now.

He told me he loved me,

and i denied his

invitation.

Surely if he loved me,

he would be waiting.

But that would be

selfish of me.

And besides,

no one can

make me feel

the way that

that first boy did.

No one can

drive me as crazy,

haunt my dreams

more wickedly,

kiss me more

passionatly,

or love me

the way he did.

My mind tells me

to be practical.

"high school love

won't last"

I shouldn't waste

my time.

And getting hurt

again just isn't

worth it.

But my heart

screams out to me

in anguish everytime

i see him

"Kiss him!'

but i am weak,

and have lost my

chance at love.

I gave too much

of myself away.

And now,

it's safe to say,

The boy has won.