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The Mental Battle of Optimism and Pessimism
I'm breathing but my hearts not beating.
Everything and nothing is all I'm feeling.
"What's wrong with you?"
A sentence I can't get out of my head..
I could name a few..
Not that you'd care for a word I've said..
I have anger issues,
I'm half dead.
Impulsive and repulsive,
My whole existence is flawed.
Optimistic but I'm a fraud.
I'm annoying when I'm not helpful.
I feel like I'm going insane but I'm still trying to be careful
Wallowing in self loathe.
Tryna figure out how I got so cold?
Cause I tell ya, I used to be sweet like honey.
I guess growing up with a lack of money,
distorted my mind and made it kinda funny?
But that's the thing, ain't it?
Grow up to believe being rich is the greatest.
Money over everything, ain't that what they say?
If you're not high class then you're not worth the time of day.
Half of me wants you to see the harsh reality,
Half of me just wants to send you to a happy fantasy.
But if I could do either, I would choose neither.
Cause then you'd be like me.
Sane with malfunctioning brain.
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This was maybe one of my hardest thoughts I tried to put into words. There are days that I "feel everything and nothing" so to try and make it into a poem was so incredibly difficult for me. I had these great bits and pieces but when it came to trying to end it, that was the hardest part of the whole thing. Also, I really do have anger issues and it makes me feel even worse when I get mad over nothing and people ask me what's wrong. Why? Because that's just it. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know why I get so angry over every little thing... So it's hard to be asked the same question over and over and never have an answer.