Is it bad that......

I cant get over things,

My pain brings back memories,

My twisted thoughts eat at me,

Time to admit that I have.... some issues.....

Ive been trying to,

Come around and listen,

To the advice they be given,

But they havent..... been through...

Anything that I have,

Now all I have....Are issues....

Growing up,

I was misused,

Growing up,

I was abused,

Always in trouble,

Wrongfully accused,

For things I wouldnt even think to do,

It was just me and my bro so the punishment was double,

The questions were so subtle,

Never believed me when I spoke the truth,

They'd ask and ask,

I'd repeat and repeat,

End up whipping my a**,

Then beat beyond belief,

Sitten in a cold room,

Plastic baby matress and a sheet,

Wasnt long enough to cover my feet,

Electricity turned off,

Dad spent the money on heroine and methamphetamine,

So there goes the heat,

All the food went rotten,

We had nothing to eat,

Had my brother until I fell asleep,

He ran away and they stopped searching after a week,

So all I had was me,

I was locked in a room,

I had nothing to do,

Bars on the window so I couldnt escape,

Just sat there watching the snow fall all day,

Guess I had a good view,

I missed my girlfriend,

I hope she missed me too,

I missed my aunt and my cousins,

Wished my mom was there,

But she wasnt,

At the time I thought she didnt give a crap,

There was a point in time when I thought she wasnt coming back,

Tried my best to relax,

Pretended I was in a studio getting ready to record another track,

Then he opened the door,

Threw a bucket at me,

Saying "this is where you s***,

This is where you sleep,

This is where you piss,

This is where you puke and it better not stink",

[2x]

Is it bad that.....

I unintentionally get angry,

That I let peoples mean words phase me,

I know I have....Some issues....

I dont know how to deal with them,

I never did,

They would never let me forget,

That I have.....Some issues...

My minds not right,

Ive said that so many times in my life,

They say as time passes,

Everything will change,

I had wounds,

My wounds healed but my scars still remain,

To me they are a reminder of my old days,

How I was taken advantage of at a young age,

Getting beat,

By a bucket full of my own s***,

By his belt and his fists,

Sometimes I wished I didnt exist,

I was so depressed,

I wanted to take a knife to the shoulder and run it down to my finger tips,

Couldnt do a slit across the wrist,

Wouldnt work for me,

It would just hurt and cause attention and Id just bleed,

Id ask God,"Why am I in this situation?",

"What did I do to deserve this hatred?",

I was so cold I was always shaken,

I was numb physically and emotionally,

My heart was broken and the remains were taken,

Till this day I dont trust a soul,

I have no problem letting people go,

I may be mixed up,

And emotionally f***ed,

But its the way I was forced to grow,

Is it bad that.....

I get jealous of other families,

Holding hands,

Living life so happily,

I want that so bad for me,

I understand I have.....Some issues...

I know what it is,

Like Others I just want happiness,

But God why is it so hard to get,

Its all Ive ever wanted since I was a kid,

It just dont make sense.....

All I have....Are issues.....