Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise: it's not that I don't want to, it's just that I can't | Teen Ink

Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise: it's not that I don't want to, it's just that I can't

June 16, 2023
By Zoie0518 SILVER, Jinan, Other
Zoie0518 SILVER, Jinan, Other
9 articles 11 photos 0 comments

"This is a book.You dare not read it, but this is my life, and you let me live." This is the original words of the author Lin Yihan. In the novel, she is named Fang Siqi. She had a beautiful appearance, a rich family background, and outstanding talent. She was stunning to look at, came from a wealthy family, and was incredibly talented. She was originally a white rose growing freely in the sun, but she was trampled, withered and rotted. She was once a beautiful white rose, but after being crushed, she withered and died.
 
From the first day Li Guohua sexually assaulted her, she felt deep pain. From the age of 14 until the end of high school, this is how every day goes.  When she asked her parents, they not only did not believe, but also criticized the behavior of girls, believing that such a relationship was fundamentally the reason for girls. Siqi thought: In the story of sex education, her parents were absent from school, but they thought that they had not started school yet. She gradually became desperate and numb.  She convinced herself that the instructor was showing his affection for her by torturing her. She went completely insane after she artificially made herself fall in love with her teacher.  In the real world, Fang Siqi ended her life at the age of 26.
 
She is like a teenage girl. She has love, hatred, tenderness and desire, but these vivid emotions are deprived by a demon. Whenever she refuses the male classmate's confession, she will be mistaken lofty. Only she knows the desolation in her heart, which is a broken place and will never sprout. What is deprived is the body, but also the ability to love and be loved. For countless days and nights, she felt regretful and hated her appearance.  She often reflected on the idea that this kind of tragedy would never befall me if I had an average appearance, and that I would go on to lead a perfectly normal life. This, however, is not the case.
 
After reading this book, I felt sad and indignant. Lin Yihan tore off the fig leaf with amazing words and insight, as well as strength and courage. With her own experience and even her life, she told us the dark side of the world. I can't imagine how many girls are treated like this at a flower-like age. How many Li Guohua are there? Who take pleasure in the rape of the little girl ? Even these demons did not get the punishment they deserved in the end, and the girls gave their all.
 
Finally At long last, I saw a video of Lin Yihan's wedding speech. It was supposed to be a happy day, but the girl flatly told her experience. I can't imagine the world of people with depression. They lose their right to happiness, their enthusiasm for life, and finally lose their enthusiasm for life. Countless times of illness made her unable to study and concentrate. When other students were sitting in the classroom to study, she unconsciously came to the side of the road and woke up unconsciously in despair in the hospital bed. She was unable to take the exam due to her condition, and her teacher questioned her desperation simply because she was dressed beautifully and not like a mental patient.
 
She said, it's not that I don't want to, but that I can't. For her, death is more like a releaseIt means the end,also the start,the rebirth.In heaven, she is still the fresh white rose.
 
 
 
 


The author's comments:

The book review of Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise— an aesthetic literacy masterpiece about an abnormal love


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