Listen to Leslie
I do not know what it is with people abusing others. Especially abusing people that they "loved" so dearly. What goes through people’s minds when they are committing abusive actions? This is a question that nobody can truthfully answer. Abuse leaves a profound, yet terrible stamp on a victim's life. It sadly comes in several forms. One of them is domestic violence: a form that includes violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving a spouse or partner. In itself, domestic violence comes in many ways: whether it be through voice, rape, punching, smacking, slapping, holding a gun or knife at point, etc. Domestic violence takes away from a person's personality and physical structure. Sufferer of abuse, Leslie Morgan Steiner put up with a lot of her husband's psychotic behavior. Not only was she blamed for causing the harmful torture to herself, but Leslie was physically hurt in the situation. Nobody seemed to understand what she was going through, her mind was shattered, and she was left with marks on her own skin. Crazy Love by Leslie Morgan Steiner expresses perfect examples of domestic violence throughout the book.
In complete honesty, nobody understands the truth of domestic violence unless they are in the situation. It is different to hear someone get yelled at rather than be the one yelled at, or see someone get smacked across the face as opposed to being the one smacked. In the biography, Crazy Love, Steiner's friends kept telling her to leave Conor and get away from him as soon as possible. But for Leslie, this was not all that easy. "I wished she could see, feel, how much I loved him. She’d understand then," (page 87), she says. Her problem was that she truly loved him and thought that he would get better, but he never did. It is hard for a victim to drop everything and move on. "... maybe the next time you came across a woman in an abusive relationship, instead of asking why anyone stays with a man who beats her, you’d have the empathy and courage to help her on her way," (page 2), says Steiner. She explains that instead of pretending one understands the situation, they can realize that the situation is harder than believed, and they can support rather than question. At some point in time, a victim believes their significant other is nothing but perfect. Eventually, abuse kicks in. Although the miscreant practically destroys the victim, the victim still feels a sort of attachment to the perpetrator. Remembering all the memories they have had, the places they have been, the cars or homes they have bought, keeps them attached like a piece of gum to a shoe. Whether or not a victim eventually gives up on their—lover, destroyer, perpetrator, abuser, or murderer—is essentially up to them.
Meanwhile, as a victim stays with a transgressor, the sinner damages the victim's body. There are several different forms of domestic violence. If a person is punched or smacked they may have a black eye or bruises on their body. If they were held up to knife point, they may have cuts on their skin. A victim may be raped, which causes body damage. On top of all of that they may be left pregnant with a child. Some victims may even be killed or close to it. For example, Leslie was punched, smacked, held at gunpoint, etc. She was left on the ground unconscious after being attacked by her lovely, one-and-only, Conor. She wasn’t just left with "battle scars", but she was also left with “post-traumatic stress disorder” from the situation. Not only is the body harmed, but the mind is harmed as well as the body.
Something that is rarely understood is how a victim's mind and social life is devastated. The victim will most likely have a memory of what the malefactor had done to them, "But I can’t deny that our story is part of me, my life, who I am. It’s taken me years to understand the particular, dangerous chink in my self-esteem that let Conor slip in," (page 321), says Leslie. The victim will remember all the times they have been yelled at, punched, smacked, hit, raped, or nearly killed. Leslie Steiner was nearly killed by her husband when he put a gun to her head. She had been hit multiple times to the point where she was on the ground unconscious, once again. Even after moving on from her husband and starting a family with someone new, Steiner still has the memory of everything Conor did to her. Not only does a victim stick with the memory of their abuses, but they also become anxious. In or out of the situation with the wrongdoer, they become scared. If they are out of the situation, they are frightened of their ex-partner coming back to hurt them or even fearful of being hurt by their new lover. If they are in the situation, they are afraid of making their significant other angry or mad. They are afraid of being hit, raped, kicked, and thrown... again. “I was terrified of Conor. Being afraid had become my normal state. I was always tensed for my next mistake, his next attack. The only person I was hiding the truth from was myself,” (page 205), says Steiner. Victims tend to be oblivious to the fact that their lover is slowly destroying them. They want to believe that it will all be okay, but it won’t. Once something happens once, it has a chance of happening again. If they are out of the situation, they are terrified of their ex-partner coming back to hurt them or even petrified of being hurt by their new lover. Like Steiner, a victim may also develop the thought of the abuse being all their fault; they had done something to cause the abuse to start, but usually, this is not the case. The victim has no fault in it.
“Any love that you feel at this point may be used against you in the future. Studies have shown that in divorce, the craziest person always wins, regardless of who was harmed most by the relationship. Do you understand that although it takes only five minutes to get married, to get divorced can take years, cost you your life savings, destroy your friendships and family relationships, and forever undermine your emotional health and faith in humanity? Do you realize that you are blind with love and hope right now, and can’t possibly know what you’re doing?” (Page 300).
The abuser goes overboard and loses control of their actions to the point that they just absolutely scar the victim for life.
The fact that an innocent human being must go through all this awful trouble because a certain someone says so, is ridiculous. As terrible as it sounds, domestic violence terminates a person inside-out for a majority of their life. Whether it be verbally, mentally, emotionally, or any other form, it still causes a massive amount of harm to the victim. It is sad to say but we never know when we will find an abusive person in our lives. As Leslie Morgan Steiner said, “We all have secrets we don’t reveal the first time we cross paths with others,” (page 2). When you truly love someone, it is nearly impossible to ever let go. A victim will always have their abuser in the back of their mind regardless of whatever happens. Like Leslie loved Conor, didn’t want to move on, and eventually had to let go; one must put herself first, her happiness first, because being happy is one of the most essential things in life. “Hey, it’s up to you to decide the outcome here. It’s okay if you want to give up right now. Him or you. Your choice,” (page 252), said Leslie Morgan Steiner, survivor of domestic violence and life-threatening abuse.