Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for the various awards shows to clutter up your television set. It's time for us to ask the infamous question: Who votes for these awards, and why weren't they fired last year? This year's awards season started with the American Music Awards. If they were any indication of the upcoming awards shows, then I'm selling my television set. In case you fell asleep halfway through, which I wished I had, here's how they went.

The show started off with Michael Jackson lip syncing the title track from his album "Dangerous," which happens to be his lowest selling album ever. However, having Michael Jackson actually there was enough to earn him three awards. These awards included favorite pop rock album and some new Michael Jackson international music award. I tend to ask myself whose favorite album? There was also a 9-minute video displaying hysterical fans at his concerts. I couldn't quite tell if they were just mad they wasted the money on a ticket or if they were just upset that he didn't bring his monkey.

Michael Jackson wasn't the only flaw in the show, in fact, he was beat out of one of the awards by none other than the pre-pubescent rap duo Kriss Kross. They also beat out Arrested Development [see review above], a band with some creativity and talent, but what can you expect from an awards show that gave at least three awards to the New Kids on the Block?

The show also seemed to have problems with getting bands placed in the proper categories. Pearl Jam received the best new pop rock band. So does this put Pearl Jam in the same category as Wilson Phillips? Somehow I just can't see Eddie Vedder doing a duo with China Phillips. k.d. lang was given the award for best new adult contemporary artist. She's been around for eight years. So maybe next year they'll give it to the Grateful Dead. Another interesting event was Motley Crue giving the award for best country single. Even more surprising was that the recipient Billy Ray Cyrus was followed on stage by Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks. (I suspect Alvin was hoping to win.)

The American Music Awards proved more than ever that awards shows mean nothing. Still I'd like to know who does decide who wins. Maybe Alvin will get a Grammy, but I think I'll just put on my walkman and shut off the TV because quite frankly I'd rather not know. n