Characters:
Brad: Obnoxious Vice President of Express; in his late 20’s, 6 feet tall, thick New York accent
Edward: President of Express; Nice, Late 40’s, thick New York accent
Tina: 21 year-old paid intern; Gorgeous, not the smartest tool in the shed
O’Connor: Head of Human Resources, Very Sympathetic

Setting: In a Conference Room at the top of the Empire State building

Edward: All right, is everyone here? (Sits down)
Brad & O’Connor: Yes sir. (Sits down)
Edward: Ok, good. So today we’re here to make some big decisions. I want to make this meeting brief, quick, and to the point. It’s time to make some cuts around here. We all know it. This company hasn’t been making the big bucks like it used to in years.
Brad: What are you suggesting boss?
O’Connor: He wants to fire some more people. Ya know to save some money, some mullah, some cha-ching. (Makes money gesture).
Edward: Exactly. For some reason when the other employees see that their jobs are on the line it gives them some sort of spark in their eye that not even money could buy.
Brad: Ohhhh I see. It’s just like what we did during the big stock market crash in 2008. Ah, that was such a good idea. At one point I thought you were even going to fire me. (Laughs in a joking manner)
Edward: Well I’m glad you two know what I mean so the only question left to ask is—
O’Connor: Who to fire first?
Edward: Yes. Who to fire first? I’ve been pondering some names all morning that come to mind and I think you two could agree with me on some of them.
Brad: All right so who’s up first on the chopping block?
Edward: Greg Morris.
Brad: Isn’t that the guy in the mail room? (Scratches head)
Edward: Why yes it is. He’s late just about every day. Mixes up mail and could barely tie his shoes without breaking something. This guy’s gotta go.
O’Connor: I think you guys are being a little over the top. I mean he can’t be that bad. I’ve met his wife and kids before too. He really needs this job. Maybe he’s just had a hard time lately.
Brad: Everyday though? I don’t think I can remember a time when he hasn’t been late to something.
O’Connor: He drops his kids off at school first before work.
Brad: Excuses, Excuses is what I think. (Says to self) This guy needs to get his priorities straight.
Edward: I guess you’re right, O’Connor, but it’s hard times. I’ll give him one month to shape up.
O’Connor: Thank you, that’s all that I ask.
Brad: Fine. (Crosses arms in dismay) Then who’s next?
Edward: Richard Lockwood.
Brad: Oh my lord. Don’t get me started on how much that guy lives up to his first name.
Edward: Brad, C’mon we’re in a meeting have some class…however, that guy is kind of a tool.
O’Connor: I really have no comment on this guy. Like on paper he’s been doing a pretty good job in the management department, but he isn’t exactly best person to the employees.
Brad: Not the best? Remember whom we’re talking about here O’Connor. This is the guy who on Monday’s goes around and tells everyone how amazing his weekend was on his yacht and how many women he took to dinner, when obviously nobody cares.
Edward: He’s done that to me before too, but I don’t think we can fire him if he just isn’t well liked. The last thing we want here is a lawsuit.
O’Connor: Ok, then how many more names do you have because we have to fire someone?
Brad: Yeah, this is taking way too much time, boss. Why don’t we just fire people who are late to work today? Make it kind of luck of the draw thing.
O’Connor: So first come, first serve? (Sarcastically) Are you kidding me?
Edward: Yeah…Brad that’s pretty messed up.
Brad: Well I’m sorry. But to make an omelet you have to break a few eggs. Am I right or wrong?
Edward: (Shakes head in disappointment, then sighs) moving on gentlemen.
O’Connor: What about that new guy that’s been working here for like six months already. What’s his name? Trevor—
Brad: Don’t you dare bring up Trevor Winsor.
Edward: Agreed. Trevor’s going places.
O’Connor: What? You’re joking right? He barely even—
Brad: Shhh
O’Connor: He barely—
Brad: Shh
O’Connor: Really? We’re adult—
Brad: Tah Shh
O’Connor: Bosssssssss?
Edward: I like Trevor and he tends to throw and pay for our office parties. Remember New Years last year?
O’Connor: I don’t think any of us remember, boss. (Says in a questionable tone)
Edward: Exactly. It was just that good.
O’Connor: Wow. Well then if not him then who. We have to agree on someone.
Brad: What about that Tina?
Edward: Who’s Tina? (In a questionable tone)
O’Connor: (Flips through to papers on desk) Tina Billetz… 5’6
Edward: A-huh
O’Connor: 21 years old
Edward: You have my attention
O’Connor: … Paid Intern… and she just started working here about four months ago. (Continues looking through her file)
Edward: She’s not ringing any bells in here right now (points to head)
Brad: Yoga pants boss.
Edward: Oh, Tinaaaaaaa. I know whom we’re talking about now. Why would we fire her?
O’Connor: Um I don’t know if you’re going to like this but this is why. (Hands him the finance bill that’s linked to her company card)
Edward: Oh No! We’re being robbed little by little every day.

Brad: Whoa that’s a lot of zeros on her card. (Peers over shoulder)
O’Connor: If you follow the pattern she takes out a thousand dollars at least every three days and doesn’t deposit any of it back in.

Edward: (Presses button on phone for intercom of building)

Brad: Boss? What are you doing?
Tina Billetz please come to Conference Room
A… Now. (Releases button)



(Enters Tina)
Tina: Yes sir?
Edward: Pack you’re stuff out of your desk and leave this instant.
Tina: Did I do something wrong?
Edward: Don’t give me that crap. Leave before the police arrive. I’m being merciful and giving you a head start. (Stand up out of chair) Now leave! Your fired Tina.
Tina: (Scurries out of room in tears)
Brad & O’Connor: (Looking at each other) Boss?
Edward: (Slowly sits back down) I’m sorry. But it had to be done. No one cheats me out of my own money. This place should be back up and running like it used to in no time.
O’Connor: Anything we can do?
Edward: That’s ok. The problems solved gentlemen. It’s time for lunch anyway. Meeting Adjourned. (Gavel Sound)
(Edward exits conference room)
O’Connor: That’s the last time I cover for you Brad! (Slams hand on table) How many more poor interns have to be fired because you need a new hundred dollar shirt every other day! 3! 5! 10!
Brad: Ok…Ok… I’ll make some cuts to my clothing fund from now on.
O’Connor: Thanks, that’s all I ever wanted. Want to go out to lunch before Boss cancels her card?
Brad: I was just thinking the same thing.
(Brad and O’Connor exit)