Setting: Stage is set up as a principal’s office. One side of the stage has the principal’s desk and chair and the other side has two smaller, wooden chairs. Sitting in one of the wooden chairs is Augustus. Augustus is a mischievous, 17-year-old senior in high school. His stature is on the smaller side. He has dark brown eyes, brown hair that cuts a bowl shape on top of his head, and a smile that shows he thinks he knows more than everyone else. Standing over him, with a glare, is his furious principal.

AUGUSTUS: Well, ya see, Pops, I had to do it. I know what you’re thinking: “You’ve gone too far this time Augustus.” Nobody HAS (with emphasis) to cheat on their pre-calculus final and then pass the answer sheet to the rest of the class. I would like to say that, first of all, you can never go too far. And second of all, in this instance, (he holds one finger up, as to prove a point) in this one very important instance, it had to be done. I’m sorry to say it, but there was no other way (he shifts in his chair as to get more comfortable, then he waits a minute and looks back at the principal who is still glaring at him). Would ya quit with that, Pops? It’s freakin’ me out. (beat) Alright, alright, you want an explanation, I get it. Well Pops, I have a perfectly reasonable one and I’m going to break it down step-by-step (slowly) for such a well-rounded guy like yourself (gives him a smirk). Ya see Pops, I did what I did. Not for myself, (holds hand over his heart as he says this) but for the bettering of our community. (Spreads his hands in an opening motion). I don’t condone cheating on finals, nor do I condone ANY (emphasis) cheating, for that matter. But I do believe in bettering these very halls of Lincoln High. (Principal rolls his eyes and puts a hand over his forehead.) Ya see Pops, my best friend’s girlfriend’s brother’s cousin’s sister knows this guy who saw this kid who heard from this girl that if you scored a one-hundred percent on your final, it would raise your grade by five points; and if everyone in my class could raise their grade by five points, then that could lead to higher GPAs, scholarships, and nice colleges! How could I possibly be expected to sit around and let this opportunity pass me by? But naturally, I wasn’t going to perform this act of deceit without confirming my sources first. So, I found my best friend’s girlfriend’s brother’s cousin’s sister who knows the guy who saw the kid who heard from the girl and she herself (emphasis) confirmed that in fact, a 100% would raise your grade at least five points. Right away, I knew it had to be done, but not for me. No sir (shaking his pointer finger back and forth), not for me, but dare I say, for the bettering of all humanity (looks off into the distance.)

(Augustus smiles at the principal) Now I know what your next question is. How did I get the answer sheet to the test? Well Pops, believe it or not, there’s a very simple explanation for that too. Ya see, it just happened to fall in my backpack. I know, crazy, right? Well anyway, I was walking out of school one day last week and that very paper fell out of my pack. I, being the curious fella I am, picked it up and saw right away what it was. Don’t ask me, I have no idea how it ended up in my possession. (Principal gives him a contemptuous look) But how could I possibly be expected to let an opportunity to help out my classmates just fly by? And in fact Pops, ninety-four percent of the senior class has reported that their GPAs have been raised after ace-ing that pre-calculus final. (beat)

It’s people like me that the world needs more of. People who are willing to do whatever it takes to help others out. Ya see Pops, I had to do it. So, instead of calling my parents, or worse, expelling me (scared look), what I think you’re searching for (slowly), well Pops, is two little words: thank (beat) you.(Crosses his arms, smiles, and the lights go black.)