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Happiness is Overrated
April 14, 2015
Summary:
Auburn Reed is your average senior wallflower. She is just another fish in the rough waters of life. However, it is her fears that set her apart. Well, her fear.
Cherophobia.
Happiness is virtually a disease to Auburn ever since a traumatic event struck her life four years before. This fear has kept her feeling alone and separated. Well, it used to.
AC Dawson might just be able to give Auburn pure happiness, but will his own conflicts tear them both apart?
Macey M.
Happiness is Overrated
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This book has 15 comments.
kingofwriters BRONZE said...
on Jun. 27 2015 at 9:32 pm
My feedback for this is on the thread!
I like the idea, and your style is great. You really sucked me into the story! The only thing I would suggest would be to hold off a little on the reveal about your character's probia. It just didn't feel very realistic for your protagonist to tell someone she had just met something so personal. Other than that I thought it was fantastic :)
simple_effect SILVER said...
on May. 25 2015 at 9:22 pm
Thanks for your advice! Much appreciated!
simple_effect SILVER said...
on May. 25 2015 at 2:53 pm
You don't know how grateful I am for your critique. Honestly! So sorry about the tenses, don't know why I'm doing that. And thanks for everything, I'll work with what you said.
uncomfortableBrunette SILVER said...
on May. 23 2015 at 9:22 am
THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! I love the description and the way you handled the characters phobia, although, she laughs at one point in this chapter, and isn't laughing sort of a happy thing? I have no idea whether it would be considered a happy thing in this situation or not. Also I agree with Beila, the phone conversation seemed just a little bit staged. Other than that it was really good! I hope you plan on publishing it some day!
:) This is one of those "one step forward, one step back" kind of moments. Yes, you gave us more Auburn! She's awesome, and she has a real family, and her sister's got a name, and I'm totally connected to her now. But... what happened to the dialogue? The phone conversation felt staged, like you were pushing the characters to say lines rather than just letting them talk. The end of the chapter would have been fabulous longer- we needed more natural banter between the two. I'm bummed to say that because the dialogue is really what got me hooked on the story in the last chapter. I guess just keep working and making every detail believable. Also, still mixing tenses- I know you said you're still in the writing/editing process, but I can't help pointing it out. And finally, I like the idea of the last sentence, but it was missing a little of the BANG! that a last sentence needs. Play with it; is there a more powerful way to say it? Overall, I'm excited for Chapter 3! More Auburn and AC!!!
simple_effect SILVER said...
on May. 1 2015 at 4:57 pm
Haha thank you very much! And to answer your whole happy-or-not-happy thing: She sometimes feels happiness, but as soon as she does, she has a minor to severe panic attack. It is possible for her to be happy, but it has almost become impossible since her body and mind have pushed it away for so long. Thanks again!
Can I just say I love odd phobias and mental disorders? Because I do. This is amazing, very well written. I especially liked how nobody believed her. I feel bad for Auburn, really--does the fact she's afraid of happiness means she's never happy? I'd just like to ask, sorry for being ignorant. Anyway, love the story! Hope you update this soon.
simple_effect SILVER said...
on Apr. 27 2015 at 9:32 pm
That stuff on Auburn is extremely helpful, so thank you so so so so much for that! Sorry about the tenses, I haven't fully re-read all of it (since I have more in progress). To be honest, AC is my favorite character as well :). I really appreciate all of the constructive criticism and the compliments! Thank you so much!
Your concept is both brilliant and unique. You could really take this idea far. I love AC's character, though I'm not sure if I'm sold on Auburn (although I love her name). I think you have to work extra hard to make her believable because the whole concept of cherophobia seems so bizarre to must of us on Teen Ink (I assume). I think hearing more of her thoughts outside of the panic attack could help. In other words, ground her in reality before you make her different; otherwise, it's hard to relate to her. Also, watch your tenses at the very beginning! However, I love the dialogue, the setting is both strangely unexpected and entirely appropriate, and the action between Auburn and AC is purely enjoyable to read. That last bit has me hooked! I feel like I'm the one holding the Oreo-- I want to hear more of what AC has to say. :)
simple_effect SILVER said...
on Apr. 26 2015 at 8:34 am
Thanks! I'll keep adding chapters!
simple_effect SILVER said...
on Apr. 25 2015 at 2:35 pm
Sorry about the Reilly/Riley thing! Didn't even realize! Thanks so much anyway, and I'm glad you liked it!
This is building up to something, I can tell. I like the idea; it's really unique, I've never heard of anyone who's actually afraid of happiness. I'd guess that AC is going to change that just by being nice. I like it, it's good! My only comment: decide whether you want to spell AC's brother's name as Riley or Reilly, 'cause you used both. Aside from that, I will be looking for the "more to come"! :)
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Favorite Quote:
"They only let you be this happy when they're preparing to take something from you." -Khaled Hosseini, the Kite Runner.