Jerry’s Authentic Italian Cuisine 
‘HELP WANTED,” a huge neon sign illuminated the window of Jerry’s Authentic Italian Cuisine.  
“Hey, if I work here, don’t I get free food?” Alan asks, turning to his friend Dave. 
“Yea, but you’ll probably end up dead or in jail because Jerry is actually an Italian mafia boss. Literally the entire town knows that,” Dave responded. 
“Nah, I’m sure he’s a really nice guy. You shouldn’t spread rumors DAVE.” 
Alan went inside and inquired about the position, despite Dave’s valid protest. Within the week, Alan has a steady job at Jerry’s. All is well for the first two weeks, and Alan starts to enjoy his regular paycheck and free Italian food. His boss is a really nice older guy whose face is always red from laughing and smiling.  
“How could anyone think Jerry is anything other than a nice old guy?” Alan wonders.  
But, under that jolly uncle type persona Jerry puts forward is something far more sinister than anyone could have ever suspected. 
Alan had been working for Jerry for about two months before some very sketchy coincidences began to occur. For starters, when he would open up in the morning, there always seemed to be a chalky residue on the counters that wasn’t there when he closed the night before. Of course, Alan just attributed it to a late baker who used flour to make bread rolls after closing. Of course, he never seemed to not notice that the substance was far too powdery and flaky to be used in baking. He also noticed three cracks in one of the walls that just so happened to be in the shape of a poorly hidden door. Obviously, this had to be the work of a rowdy kid who got ahold of a steak knife, and Jerry just hadn’t paid to have it fixed yet. Had he done a little investigation, he would’ve uncovered a small compartment that held millions of dollars’ worth that had been obtained in some not so legal ways, along with hundreds counterfeit bills. Sadly, Alan respected other peoples space and doesn’t like to snoop. HE even saw an entire semi-automatic weapon hidden under Jerry’s desk in his office. Did Alan think to ask about it or even just go directly to the police with this information? No, he assumed that Jerry had it for protection. He did, after all, own the most popular restaurant in town, and there had been some burglaries recently. Dave, on the other hand, kept insisting that Alan go to the police and get help, but, of course, Alan was insistent that there was nothing sinister was happening at Jerry’s Italian. 
This all changed one day when, after closing up and going home, Alan realized he had left his wallet at work. He decided to walk back and get it since he had a key. When he was just down the street, though, he noticed the lights on in the back, and a large truck and two black SUVs parked by the kitchen. Thinking that maybe this was a burglary, Alan approached quietly to get a better look. He did not think to call the police, which would be his downfall. He silently went inside and saw two men loading large bricks of that powdery substance he had found earlier. Alan also saw a very well-dressed man who looked to be in his late fifties. As the man turned, Alan gasped loudly as he realized it was his beloved boss Jerry. This gave away his position, and before he could escape, the two large men grabbed him and tied him up. When Jerry came to see what the commotion was and saw his young employee looking as confused as he ever did, Jerry offered him a sheepish grin and began to explain himself. 
“Hello Alan. I’m so sorry you had the terrible luck of stumbling upon my night job.” 
“Jerry, what’s going on? Why did these guys tie me up? Can you tell them I work here that it’s ok they can let me go?” Alan begged. 
“Sorry Alan, but that’s not going to be possible. You see, I can't let you go because I know you're a good person and you'll go straight to the police with this discovery of yours. My name is not jerry, my real identity is Francesco Bianchi.” Jerry paused to let the revelation resonate with Alan, who looked up blankly. 
“Um, no I'm drawing a blank. Am I supposed to know that name? Are you like some actor or athlete or something? I don’t really watch sports, im more of an x-box guy to be honest.” 
“No. I'm not an actor. I'm the infamous mob boss, the one who sends the severed limbs of my enemies to their loved ones?” 
“No, not ringing any bells, sorry,” Alan replied. 
“Well,” Jerry continued. “No matter, your mother will know my name in a few days when a box containing what's left of your body is delivered to her door.” 
“Wait, is that gonna be in the next few days? Because she’s actually out of town right now so she might not be able to pick that up until maybe Friday or Saturday.” Alan asked. 
Jerry stared at him in muted stupor. How had this idiot manage to uncover his entire operation when an entire department in the DEA hadn’t been able to, he wondered. 
However, our unlikely hero had actually been using his reputation as a moron to his advantage and had been actually loosening the ropes around his hands the entire time. While Jerry was distracted, he pulled his hands free and jumped up to hit the guard closest to him. This made the guard discharge his weapon, shooting the other in the leg. Alan bolted for the door and remembered, that he had asked Dave to pick him up. Jerry tried to run after him but tripped over his guard. As Alan jumped in Daves car, he yelled at Dave to floor it. On the way to the police station Alan explained what was going on. 
“Hey, so big news, Jerry isn’t Jerry! He’s actually some gangster named Francesco or something. Isn’t that crazy? I barely made it out of there alive!” 
Dave looked at his friend, unimpressed by this discovery, and decided now wasn’t the time for an ‘I told you so.’ 
They made it to the police station without further incident, and Alan gave his statement to the police. Thankfully, the gangsters were still falling over themselves and the police were able to pick them up, and actually dismantled the entire operation that night. Alan received a medal for his ‘help’ and was a celebrated town hero. He decided that maybe the work force wasn’t his calling, so he moved into David’s basement and played video games for a living. As much as David wanted to say that ‘that isn’t a real job,’ Alan payed all of his bills on time, and had enough for leisure, and he wasn’t in anymore delicate situations. So, in the end everyone got what they deserved, and Alan spent his time happily staying out of any town drama.