Days like these you wish you weren’t such a gullible person and didn’t fall for fraudulent people who only had ill intentions. This situation seems a bit too familiar from your point of you. The kind of situation where you can’t tell if you’re in the right or if you’re in the wrong, solely because he convinced you that you were the villain for wanting space and self-reflection on past mistakes as if it were a crime. As if his hoax tears were a form of currency that could pay off the time you devoted to his every need and the “currency” that you also shed. ¨What would I say if I had the chance? Or should I say what could I sputter out before it would be turned against me and aimed like a spear; it would be a game to him to see if he could puncture my heart with those sharp and acute words.¨

Initially before and in the start, the infamous and overused phrase ¨i love you¨ had meaning beyond words. Words that may have not even been considered to be int he English language but should have just to describe the emotions that phrase can bring to someone, the joy, the security, the reassurance knowing that someone cares about you and shows that perhaps they are as head over heels as you are for them. Suddenly the things you say to one another starts to mirror your relationship, the phrases, and tacky nicknames begin to become more repetitive, they start to become something that you need to rely on in order to show or prove that they actually love you and it isn’t only a stunt. It becomes a challenge to see is who can retain the most information about one another without occupying too much space in your brain to not be able to remember basic functions and manners or to remember your identity before you met them. You’re then caught up trying to learn his full name, his favorite food, and his shoe size in order to compete against him. He already seems to know your weaknesses and insecurities within the first month or two. You disregard and forget that he even acquired this information and don’t even question where he got it from; your only concern is to play along with his mind tricks and steadily lose interest in the rest of your friends and family and make him your soul purpose you wake up extra hours early to save him a seat next to you. You allow yourself to be lead on while he takes notes on your behaviors and how you react to your environment in your everyday life while he continues to feed you false information.

The first stab had been made, not actually a stab, but the first argument to lave behind a crater or rip in the relationship that would forever alter the way you felt about each other. He begins to drift away in hopes that you will give up personal information to regain his trust, and it works. Now he knows your hopes and dreams and thinks they’re too big for you to achieve; he degrades your emotions to keep you close to him in hopes that you will not be the one to fly away first. You begin to think more before you act, you fear that if you say anything slightly too bluntly you will push him away further, you would have wasted the immense amount to the effort you had already put in and felt as though he still loved you the same.

¨Congrats on your anniversary!¨ People congratulate you, blindly not being aware of the trauma brought upon you in those long twelve months. He reaches to hug you as if he had also put in the same energy as you had. You swear you still long him but feel sick and panic inside your head as his arm reaches around you slowly. ¨Is this how love is supposed to feel?¨ You ask yourself this when you know the answer deep down but hate to swallow the pill. You question the commitment put in and whether it was worth it or not, you let off with too much without any consequences now while he pokes at your insecurities for disobeying him in the slightest. He mocks you for not allowing him to leave you for the day for his flirtatious friends and suddenly he says he wants to cut ties with you.