I climbed down the steps of the school bus and into the chilling autumn air. I shivered. It wasn’t because of the cold.
It was my first day at school. I looked around, and saw children everywhere greeting each other, hugging, talking. Things I wouldn’t be doing with my friends this year.
I walked into the huge building, looking desperately for my first class. According to my schedule, I had Language Arts first with Mrs. Murphy.
“She’s absolutely wonderful,” Mr. Garza had said. “All of the students love her.” I think he forgot that I’m not everybody.
I sighed a relieved sigh when I finally found the classroom. I walked in, with a few minutes to spare.
Most of the seats were still empty, which is good. It meant that I would have first choice.
Here’s something I learned: Choose a good seat on the first day of school. You just might end up sitting there for the rest of the year. If you choose a bad seat, you’ll have a terrible year if the teacher says, “I hope you like where you’re sitting, because these are you assigned seats.”
I chose a seat near the middle, behind a really tall, but nice looking girl. She turned around. “Who are you?” she asked.
I smiled to show I’m nice. “I’m Evelyn. What’s your name?”
The girl appeared to be studying me thoroughly. “You don’t need to know,” she said. “You’ll find out soon enough.” With that she turned back around.
I was puzzled. Why would she ask my name if she didn’t want me to know hers? I decided the girl was lunatic.
A woman (who I assumed was Mrs. Murphy) sat at a desk and watched as students slowly filed into the orderly room. She seemed to take note of each face, almost as if she was looking for familiar ones. Maybe Mrs. Murphy was as lonely as I was.
The bell rung, and she got up and stood in front of our class, who was quietly talking. She cleared her throat, and just as I thought she was going to speak, she brought a small stick down and rapped at a table. Rap a tap tap. Rap a tap tap.

She smiled. “Now that I have your full attention,” she began. “I want you to know that I will start class a different way each day. Today I used this stick.” She gestured towards the table where the small stick now laid. “Tomorrow will be a surprise. I like to keep things interesting around here.” Her grin grew even wider. “My name is Mrs. Murphy, as you might already know. I see some familiar faces, so some of you must’ve had siblings go through this school, am I correct?”
A small murmur went around the room.
“You’ll have many adventures in this class alone. Some good, some bad. Some fun, some boring. But you will show me respect by not talking back and doing as I say. Got it got it good?”
A few people nodded, and a few others looked bewildered, like nobody had ever asked them to respect somebody before. Or maybe it was her phrase ‘got it got it good.’
Mrs. Miller seemed nice enough, but what about the other teachers? What about the students? There was still seven hours of school left, and so far, my day was nothing spectacular.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Mrs. Murphy eventually dismissed us to our next class. To my relief, a bunch of people in my first block class was also in my second block. We all walked down the hall to our next class together, some talking, but most us were silent.
My next class was science. I hate science. Actually, I’ve never been a fan of dissecting animals, slimy bugs, or things that explode. But it wasn’t the class I was worried about.
When I was waiting for my bus that morning, there was another girl from my school waiting there too. She was in the grade ahead of me, the 7th grade, and had already had all the teachers and classes I was getting this year. “Watch out for the science teacher Mrs. Shanks,” she had said. “Last year, a kid named Zain was bothering me, so I turned around and asked him to stop, and Mrs. Shanks gave me detention, right there on the spot.”
It wasn’t just her I heard the unpleasant peculiarities from. It was my mom’s friend’s son, and several of his friends too. “She’s a witch with eyes and ears in the back of her head.” “She smacks you.” She points at you with five fingers and says ‘you’re rude!” “She holds the phone weird.”
By the time I was sitting in my seat, I was absolutely terrified she would look at me and call me rude. I was not a rude person. In fact, I’m a very sensitive and emotional person. It would not be good for my reputation if I cried on the first day at my new school.

* * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * ** * * *

I had been wandering the halls for five minutes, looking for my next class. Man, I was going to be late. Than I would have to face everyone staring at me when I walked into the room. I was almost positive that if that happened, someone would scream, “You’re late!”

The mere thought was mortifying. I better find somebody to help me find my class.

I frantically looked up and down the isolated hallways. I finally spotted the principle walking down one of the halls, his shiny black shoes going screek screek screek.

I called after him. He turned around, and smiled. “Sixth grader are you?” he asked pleasantly. Mr. Garza had mentioned something about our principle, Mr. Callaway, being a nice person.

“Sir, can you help me find my class? I’m going to be late, than people will call me a freak, and-’’ It was all I could do to keep from crying.

Mr. Callaway patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ve had about five people come up to me today with the same worries.” He looked at my schedule. “Follow me.”

He led me down the twisting, unlit hallways. I shuddered. The school suddenly seemed so big, cold, and unwelcoming. The shadows on the walls reminded me how alone I was here, and I felt scared all over again.

Mr. Callaway brought me into the office and pointed to a chair. “Sit here until I come back,” he ordered.

The secretary looked over her desk. “It’s always a shame when I see a sixth grader in trouble on the first day of school,” she whispered to nobody in particular.

I stared at her in astonishment. How dare she think I was a hooligan! I’ve never been sent to the principles in my life! I’ve hardly even been yelled at by a teacher, let alone in trouble on the first day of school.

Our principle came back. “I found the issue!” he said happily, waving my crumpled schedule in the air. “I have a new one printing for you, and you should be good to go.” He reached over and grabbed what appeared to be my schedule from the printer.

Mr. Callaway handed me my new schedule. “It seems your next class is science with Mrs. Shanks.”

I looked at him. “But I just came from that class, sir. Do I really have to sit through it again?”

To him, this was an unreasonable question. “Of course,” he said. “I can’t just let you sit here in the office and read for the next hour.” This seemed to be a nonnegotiable topic.

With that, Mr. Callaway turned on his heel, and led me back down the hall to science classroom where I had come from fifteen minutes before.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


I opened the door to my science classroom, and stood in the midst of twenty-five students looking at me. Mrs. Shanks looked up. “Somebody got lost,” she said. The class snickered.

I was offended. I wasn’t lost! It wasn’t even my fault. Something was wrong with my schedule.

I looked at her and smiled as best I could without looking sarcastic. “ No ma’am,” I said, my voice dripping with disgust. “I wasn’t.”

Mr. Callaway put his hand on my shoulder, as if to stop me from pouncing on Mrs. Shanks and clawing her eyes out. “She had an incorrect schedule that I had to fix.”

Mrs. Shanks stepped out into the hallway with Mr. Callaway to discuss something. I knew it was me. It was always me.

“Your late!” somebody cried.

I placed my things next to a girl with cinnamon colored hair. “As Mr. Callaway said,” I began without even looking up. “My schedule was screwed up, so they fixed it for me.”

“Hey you’re that new girl from Wisconsin!” a boy cried from behind me. “My brother told me you moved in down the street from me.”

A murmur went across the room. “Wisconsin.” “Don’t they grow potatoes?” “No, Ellie, that’s Idaho. Wisconsin is the dairy state.” The room suddenly fell deathly silent. I greatly feared everyone could hear my heart pounding.

Suddenly, a boy whispered, “Freeeeeeak!”

The whole class burst out laughing. I was absolutely mortified. The girl with cinnamon colored hair looked up at me. “Well, do something,” she whispered.

She was right. Mustering up every last ounce of dignity I had left, I climbed on top of the table and said, “Do you know what we do to rude people back in Wisconsin?” When no one answered, I continued. “We bring them to a plantation, get them all fattened up, and throw them in a machine that’s makes them into cheese.”

The whole room gasped just as Mrs. Shanks strutted back into the room. She looked up at me. “Excuse me. What on earth are you standing on the table for?”

The room was once again silent. “I was making a statement, Mrs. Shanks,” I said quietly.

She looked at me, than nodded. “Well, make your statement from the ground.” She walked towards the front of the classroom.

As I was getting down from the table, something I never expected to happen in a million years happened. One by one, my peers started clapping. Slowly at first, than gradually growing louder.

The girl with the cinnamon colored hair smiled. She leaned over. “Nice job,” she whispered. “My name is Lizzy.”





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


I found out with my new schedule, Lizzy and I had our first five classes together. Perfect. I had made my first friend.

Our final class before lunch was social studies. Our teacher, Mr. Sissel, was by far the strangest one. He looked like a cross between Shaggy from Scooby-Doo and a hippie.

Mr. Sissel had us all sit at small, circular tables with three chairs at each. I sat with Lizzy, and another girl who was also friends with Lizzy. They began talking.

I wanted to contribute to one of the many conversations around me, but I hate feeling like I bug people. This was yet another point in my day where I felt so overwhelmed, I wanted to cry.

Mr. Sissel started the class by telling us to get out a folder and put our name on it. He passed around several cheerful colored Sharpies. Lizzy took neon orange for our table.

Lizzy’s friend had a look of mock disappointment on her face. “Lizzy, you really should have gotten the lime green,” she whined.

Here was my chance to be a help, not a hindrance. “Forget the lime green,” I said. “You should’ve gone for the electric blue!”

The girl laughed, a good sign, I think. “I’m Ellie,” she said, looking directly at me. Another good sign. She wanted me to know her name.

“I’m Evelyn,” I said, flashing a happy smile.

Ellie studied me. “You’re the new girl,” she exclaimed. “The one from Wisconsin. Everyone knows about you.”

I felt my world had come crashing apart. The first day of school and everyone was already talking about me! This was not good. I felt absolutely terrible about myself, and I must’ve shown it because Ellie said, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s good that they’re talking about you. It means everyone notices you, and knows who you are. It took me forever to get noticed when I moved here.” Ellie smiled. “Besides, it’s the most exciting thing that’s happened around here in a long time. And, I have relatives who live in Wisconsin. I’ve always wanted to go there, but between school and sports, I’ve never really had the chance.”

I felt an immense wave of relief flood through me. I had another friend, one who thought highly of me. Everything was still going pretty good.

Mr. Sissel picked up the markers and passed out a sheet of paper that listed all of the class rules and expectations. “I would like you to read over these rules with your table. You have five minutes.”

We sat there, reading over the list, while Mr. Sissel took role. He called out the names one by one, until he paused, than hesitantly said, “Dan?”

One boy’s head popped up. He smiled stood up on his chair, and waved his hand and yelled, “It’s Dane!” His chair tipped backwards, sending Dane tumbling to ground.

Ellie, Lizzy and I all turned and looked at him. Ellie shook her head, making a sibilant sound. “My, my, my. That boy will be a handful this year, I can already tell.”

Still in shock, I turned to face her. “Is he always like that?”

Both Lizzy and Ellie shrugged. “He didn’t go to our school,” Lizzy said. “I had no idea who he was until he stood up and shouted his name.”

Being from a small town with only one elementary and one high school, it never occurred to me that there were several schools in a big city. I never actually thought about being in an actual district before.

“So, exactly how many elementary schools are there in the school district?” I asked. This was another relief to me: I wasn’t the only person here who didn’t know everybody.

“To many to count,” Lizzy said. “I’m sure if you went on the Denver Public Schools website you’d be able to find out though. We might be able to visit the computer lab during lunch if you really wanted to know.”

This was another thing that never occurred to me. My elementary school was to poor to ever have computers. The only computers we had in the school were for the teachers, and a few occasional ones scattered that were student accessible. Here, you had to have a whole room full of them for the hundreds of students who could come in with classes and do projects.

Maybe school this year wouldn’t be so bad. I already had two friends (who I could hopefully keep throughout the year), and I get to use computers. My old school never actually taught keyboarding skills, so maybe that’s something else I’ll be able to learn.

I was wrong. This day was turning out to be extraordinary.



My Feelings About School: Why I Moved


I know that I promised you and myself that I wouldn’t enjoy myself here, but maybe I could bend that a little.

So what if the teachers are lunatics? I met a few pretty awesome people today, and they seem to enjoy me. Lizzy even asked if I could come to her house this weekend! I should probably ask Mom about that, so she won’t get mad if I tell her at the last minute.

I think, even though I’m bending my rule, I still can’t tell anyone. Nobody could ever replace my old friends, not ever. Nothing can ever replace my memories. I want to go back there more than anything.

I asked mom why we couldn’t go back. She said that was adult business, and that I, being the minority here, didn’t need to hear about it. I’ll get her to tell me, but I better wait a few days before asking her again.

I should probably tell you why we moved here in the first place, because if I don’t, Mr. Garza will just end up asking me anyway when he reads this. It’s a very long story, so hold on and be patient with me.

Back in Wisconsin a few years ago, everything was perfect. We had a big house, a large property, and I had plenty of room to run with my group of friends. But than, about a year later, my friend Mayella’s dad lost his job. Mayella’s family had to sell a bunch of stuff to get money, and eventually, they had to move in with a relative in the next town over because they couldn’t pay their bills.

Well, just a year or two later, it seemed that almost everyone in my small haven was losing their jobs and moving away. I remember hearing my parents whispering fiercely at night when I was in bed. They worried about their jobs, paying the bills, and most of all, me. I learned that it was getting harder and harder to pay the electric, water, and heating bills every month. My parents seemed to argue more and more, and I was getting scared that they would either divorce, or we would have to live on the streets, like some of the other families I’ve seen.

As each chilling night passed, the whispering got more and more intense. They seemed to talk louder, faster, and longer every night until one night it stopped altogether. I felt content and safe, so I fell asleep, knowing that whatever was bothering my parents had probably passed over.

The next morning when I woke up, I saw mom packing. She told me that she needed to move out for a while and find a better paying job so she could help support our family. I asked if dad was going with her. She didn’t answer me. Mom told me I could either stay here with dad, or I could go with her. She said I had three days to decide, so I could take my time.

I really don’t remember much after that. I remember grabbing my flip flops and running to the landfill, where my friends and I used to meet if we ever had problems.

I huddled under the little fort we had built a few summers earlier, and praying for one of my friends to show up. It was than I realized that most of my friends were gone. Their parents lost their jobs and moved them out of this town that was dripping with poverty, and brought them somewhere safer, where they could get a good education.

I didn’t want to stay and watch the only place I could call home fall apart. I knew exactly what I had to do, but it hurt me so much to even think about it.

I remember bawling my eyes out, and laying on the ground. The next thing I know, I’m laying down in the backseat of mom’s car with boxes and suitcases packed in around me.

The sleek looking yellow and black bus slowed to a stop at the corner where I would be dropped off.

Fall had come early that year, the leaves were already on the ground, and made a crisp sound as the children trudged through them. I found that several people from my school lived near me: a bunch of people had gotten off at my stop. Including the rude boy from my science class.

When school ended, the students had filed onto one of the many buses that were parked outside the school. I found a seat in the middle of the bus, not in the back where the Populars sat, but not in the front where the nerds sat. I realized as we pulled out of the circle drive, that I was perfectly balanced between the two. Or, at least I would be by the end of the year.

I felt content, and almost a bit sleepy on the ride home. The bouncing and bumping of the bus was comforting and soothing, so I decided to let myself doze off a bit. I was almost asleep when I heard that same obnoxious voice coming from the back of the bus. The same voice with the same loud opinion.

“Did you hear about the newbie?” he cried. “She came from Wisconsin!”

“Really?” another voice asked. I could detect a hint of disbelief in their voice. “Wisconsin? That’s miles away. Who would move from Wisconsin to here?”

“Yah,” a third voice chimed. “I think you’re joshing us!”

“He’s the newbie here, guys!” a gruff voice said. I assumed he was an eighth grader, the leader of the pack. “He’s just a sixth grader who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Isn’t that right noob?”

I could hear everybody getting a bit feisty in the back, which wasn’t anything new to me. We always had fights on the bus back in Wisconsin. But this one worried me. It sounded like they were actually going to hurt him. And they were much older.

“No, Dameon. I’m tellin’ the truth, honest.” I could almost smell the fear coming from the rude boy’s voice.

“What’dya think guys?” Dameon asked. I could tell he was smirking from the sound of his voice. “Should we let him of the hook? Or should we teach this punk a lesson?”

“Is the sky blue, Dameon?” another boy’s voice said.

“Yah, gitt’em!” a tough sounding girl cried.

I heard everyone getting up, preparing to beat the poor boy until he wet his pants. I couldn’t just sit here and watch this happen, especially when it was about me.

“Wait!” I exclaimed. From the second the words were out of my mouth, I knew I had made a mistake. A deadly mistake.

“Who said that?” Dameon asked. “Show yourself, freak!”

I took a deep breath, ready to die. Slowly, I stood up and turned to face the posse. “I said it,” I began. “Me. The girl from Wisconsin.”

I heard a few people in the group gasp. A few others whispered intensely. I was real.

“So, noob was telling the truth?” Dameon asked, the stupid smirk back on his face. He was evil, devious, and mean.

“Yah, noob was telling the truth,” I said. “Do you know what truth is? Or do you want to go home and ask your mom?”

The group laughed. It was on.

Dameon laughed. “You think you’re tough girly?” he said. “You think you can take me?”

I laughed. “Think? I know I can’t. I just wanted you to know I was real, and not a nonexistent creature like unicorns. Oh, I didn’t mean to ruin it for you. I know you still want to believe there’s leprechauns and unicorns at the end of rainbows.”

The group laughed again. I got them laughing at Dameon. Which might’ve been a bad thing, because I could see Dameon was getting angry.

Lucky for me, the bus stopped at my stop, and Dameon lived farther down the street.

“Later Dameon,” I said. I decided to wave, just to make him angry. Man, I was going to get it tomorrow.

I turned on my heel, and trotted of the bus, happy with myself for standing up against the bully, even if the war wasn’t over yet. I felt someone tapping on my shoulder as I stepped off the bus, so I turned around. To my surprise, it was the rude boy.

He looked shy and awkward standing there. “Um, I just wanted to say thanks,” he said. “I always open my big mouth and get into trouble like that, but nobody has ever helped me out. So, thanks.” He turned to walk away, but I called after him.

“Wait,” I called. “What’s your name?”

He studied me for a moment, as if to see if I could be trusted with a grave secret. “Harrison,” he said. “What’s yours?”

I smiled. “Evelyn,” I said. “Evelyn Crowley.”

Harrison nodded. “Oh,” he said. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.” He turned a sprinted down the street as fast as he could.

Three friends in one day. I think I may have set a world record. I smiled to myself, and skipped happily down the street and into my welcoming new home.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I walked into my house, and was greeted with a musty smell. I saw the top of my mom’s head over the stacks of boxes. She weaved through the maze until she stood before me, grinning. “Hi, sweetheart,” she said. “How was school?”

I sighed, disregarded her question, and sat down on top of a box. “Mom, when’s this smell going to fade?”

Mom frowned. “I think I might have the box of candles around here somewhere.” She started searching.

I stood up and looked at the label of the box I was sitting on. “Found it,” I said, opening it up with a nearby box cutter.

Inside the box, I found all of the candles we’ve ever owned. The sweet smelling ones, the fragrant ones, and the sickening ones.

I pulled out my favorite one. “Light this one,” I said. “I love the smell of vanilla.”

Mom laughed and pulled out another, fragranced with pumpkin pie. “It’ll go along great with my favorite!”

I laughed too, enjoying this little game. “You know what’ll go great with pumpkin pie and vanilla?” I asked. I dug through the box for my other favorite.

“Hmmm,” my mom said. “Would it be…?”

“Cinnamon!” we cried together. By now we were both laughing hysterically. I have no idea why it was so funny. Maybe it was just one of those happy moments, where everything in the world was okay, and there was no poverty or despair anywhere. Except back home in Wisconsin. I pushed the thought out of my head, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Mom happily went around lighting candle after candle, until the whole house smelled sweet. It smelled like a mixture of all the happy things in life.

“You never answered me,” Mom said. “How was school?”

Good, great, absolutely fantastic, my head screamed. Instead, I shrugged. I still wanted her to drive us back to Wisconsin, where dad was waiting. “It was okay,” I said.

I think Mom bought it, because she had a concerned look on her face. “Did you meet any new friends?” she asked.

Okay, I thought. Time for the water works.

I made myself look like I was about to cry. “Well,” I began. “I thought I did. But than she started talking about me and…” Now I was bawling my eyes out.

Mom looked at me with mock pity. “Aww, Evie, do you think I’m that stupid?” She stood up. “Now grab that box cutter over there and help me unpack.”

I sighed. I never figured out how she could always tell when I was faking. I grabbed the box cutter and started opening boxes. This was a sign that we weren’t going back to Wisconsin anytime soon.

I ripped open a box, and nearly started crying at the contents in which it held. And I wasn’t faking this time.

* * * * * * * *
My most cherished childhood possessions. My old teddy bear and blanket that I hadn’t seen in years were neatly folded and tucked at the top of the box. I pulled them out and began sobbing violently. I cradled the items at my chest.

Why would Mom pack these things? She said we were only staying here temporarily! We were renting this home; it was the cheapest we could find. We only had a two-year lease on it.

Slowly, I began to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. A horrifying picture came to my mind, a picture that I didn’t want to think about. I pushed the thought out of my head, trying to focus on being happy after finding these momentums. After all, I thought they were lost.

Than another mystery came into my mind. Mom told me I lost them after I turned five. Why would she lie to me, and than keep the toys?

“What’cha looking at, sweetheart?” Mom asked, creeping up silently behind me.

I held the blanket under her nose. “You told me they got lost,” I wailed. “Why would you lie to me?”

Mom looked a bit confused for a moment, but than she realized what I was talking about. Her confusion quickly turned to sympathy. “Oh, honey, I just wanted you to stop sleeping with them,” she said. “You were getting to big, and Dad said,” she stopped when she saw the look on my face.

“Why’d you bring them, Mom?” I asked. “Why not leave them back in Wisconsin, where we will be heading back next year when our lease is up?”

Mom had a look of pity on her face. She knew something I didn’t know. Or maybe, I already knew it, but I didn’t want to accept the fact that we weren’t going back to Wisconsin.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


A pattern slowly emerged in my life. I would get up for school, do the morning stuff, go to school, come home, and go to bed. I grew closer with Lizzy and Ellie, and even met two new girls, Destinie and Mango.

When I met Mango, I thought she was a peculiar little thing. She had lime green streaks in her hair, wore the most unusual (but most fashionable) clothes I had ever seen, and had an extremely bubbly and outgoing personality.

I had math with Ms. Mango, where we sat at the same table. She would talk nonstop, while I would occasionally speak up and talk to Lizzy. Finally, Mango spoke up one day and said, “Ok, what up with you?”

How rude, I thought. How dare she think something is wrong with me?

“Don’t be offended,” Lizzy said. “Mango always talks to people like that.”

I thought this was a bit odd, but spoke anyway, choosing my words carefully. “Well, I come from Wisconsin, I hate cheese, and I’m extremely good at math.”

Mango smiled. “What’s your name?”

Cautiously, I said, “Evelyn Crowley. And who do you presume to be?”

Mango’s smile turned into an all out grin. “My name is Mango Avera Bernstein. It is spelled Emma, but pronounced Mango.”

Now it was my turn to grin. “Yah, I tried to pull that on a sub in the third grade, except my name was Kiwi. The sub said, ‘Don’t lie to me’ than continued on with roll call.”

Mango was laughing. “I tried that this year! The sub was so mad!”

We were both laughing now. Apparently, it was pretty loud, because our teacher Mrs. Noard (who I liked to call the Barbie Dictator, the reasoning behind it you will find later on in this book) shushed us extremely loudly and annoyingly.




* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


It just so happened I had art that term with an extraordinarily cute boy named Alex. Alex was about half a foot shorter than me, had blonde hair that was always in his face (I think I fell for that legendary hair flip), and had his pants ‘sagging’. I always told him to wear a belt, he always told me buzz off.

I still remember how we met. It was in our Family and Consumer Science class when we were making C pillows. I sat in the back that day with a bunch of other nice people. I was sitting next to him, and we were talking, when Tyshone suddenly says, “Alex, stop flirting with Evelyn!”

The whole class burst out laughing, but all Alex says is, “Evelyn is a nice girl and all, but she’s not my type. Besides, I have a girlfriend.”

Tyshone leans over to me and whispers, “That’s just a nice way of saying you’re ugly.”

Now the whole class was yelling “ohhhhh.”

“What’cha gonna do about that, Evelyn?” yelled Cameron.

I shrugged. “Nothing,” I said. “I’m a bigger person than he is.”

Cameron shook his head. “That’s what goody two-shoes say!”

The whole class once again burst out laughing.

“Hey!” Alex said. “Stop. Evelyn’s nice, and even though she’s not the prettiest flower in the bed,” he stated.

“Thanks a lot for the support Alex,” I muttered.

He glared at me. “She does not deserve to be treated that way. She’s a person too.”

Tyshone coughed. “You mean it,” he said.

More laughter from the class.

“Forget it,” I said. “It’s hopeless.”

Luckily, the bell rang just than, and we all scurried out of the classroom. Alex followed me. “Sorry I couldn’t stop them,” he said.

I smiled and shrugged. “Hey, you tried. That’s more than anybody has ever done for me before.”

Alex smiled back. Because as my mom says “you’re smile’s more contagious than yawns in the morning.”
Mr. Cox’s booming voice brought me back to reality. As I sat in the classroom, I started brushing the dried clay off the sleeves of my long-sleeved shirt. I glanced up at the clock and sighed deeply. We had been sitting there for a while now, waiting for Alex to shut up. Another ten minutes of class wasted by Alex's talking. I looked over at him talking to Sylvia. Why won't he just shut up? And why is he so into her? What's so special about Sylvia anyway?

Alex looks over at me and smiles. I give him my famous look that's telling him to shut his mouth. Amazingly, he gets the message, and even more amazingly, listens to it.

Mr. C looks over at Tanazz, who evidently won’t shut up either. Alex and Tanazz could be so similar sometimes. Apparently, Mr. C was on his last straw. Mr. Cox sends Tanazz to the back of the room to sit next to Yvonne, who for anyone was a real punishment to sit by. Yvonne yells if you take her paint, pencil, or paper, and if that’s not embarrassing, she starts slapping you around, too.
''Can I sit next to Katie?'' Alex asks.

''No,'' Mr. C answered absentmindedly.

''But I'll-''

“What don't you understand about no?'' Mr. C finally lost it.

Eventually, the teacher explains what we're to do today, and says if we needed to, we could share paint cans.

As I got my paint, Alex walked over to me. ''Can I work with you, Katie?'' he asked.
''I don't care,'' I said, but my heart whispered ‘you do stupid.’ He's awesome, and it is so much better than sitting alone and watching him and Sylvia have fun the entire class period.

We sat down with our can of paint. “So,'' he said. ''What's up?''

I shrugged. ''Nothing much. How about you?''

He shrugged. ''Nothin' much.''

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Sitting with him isn't supposed to be this awkward.

''Colts or Saints?'' I asked randomly.

He thought for a minute. ''Colts,'' he finally answered. ''They should have won the Super Bowl.''

''They were ahead until the 3rd quarter. Than their defense got a little careless.''

We continued talking about football.

''Why'd you choose blue and orange?'' Alex asked, glancing at my picture.

''Because I love the way the two compliment each other,'' I explained. I looked up at him.

''Why'd you choose them?''

He smiled sweetly at me. ''Because yellow and purple are Vikings colors, and orange is my favorite color.''

''It's my second favorite. Blue is my first,'' I said, smiling back.

He started laughing. ''Blue's my second favorite color!'' he said.

I started laughing too. I have no idea why those sentences were so funny, or why he had even brought the topic up, but I didn't care. I was having a wonderful time.

He stopped laughing abruptly, and he looked at me, his face solemn.

''What?'' I asked, worried that I had done something wrong to ruin the best moment of my life.

Alex stuttered, as if looking for the right words to say. ''Um, I was wondering-''
''Time to clean up!'' Mr. C's voice boomed from the front of the room.
Alex started cleaning up the paint.
''What were you going to ask me?'' I asked.

He stared at me for a second, before replying,
''Never mind. I'll tell you later.'' He hurried away right after saying that.

I stared after him and sighed, for the second time that period. Actions speak louder than words. So do the things left unsaid. So does your heart.

And I knew what my heart was saying.

* * * * * * * * * * *
There was a draft somewhere. I could feel the cold air from the outside world creeping in. It was only October, but the weather was already in the lower 30’s. Back in Wisconsin, it would’ve been about 50 degrees.

I checked my clock for the tenth time that night. The green digital numbers read 11:30 PM. I had been lying in bed for nearly two hours.

My mind was racing. Everything in my life was happening so fast. New home, new school, new friends, more homework, smaller family.

I still couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong with Mom. She had been acting exceptionally nice lately, and acting very sympathetic around me. She knew something I didn’t know, but what could it be?

I shivered. I’d have to remind the renovators tomorrow to find and fix the draft in my bedroom.

My bedroom. This wasn’t even my real room. It was a temporary room while we got money to send back to Dad.

But something didn’t add up. It cost more money to drive out here, rent a house, and fly back than we would make in a year. We would be losing money if that were the situation. And why would we bring out all of this furniture with us, and rent a moving van if this was only temporary?

A feeling of dread slowly crept over my body. I once again pushed the thought out of my head. I needed to get to sleep. I’d be exhausted in the morning.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


It was than one in the morning, and despite my efforts to fall asleep, I couldn’t. I keep checking my clock, and every time, it seems that an hour has gone by.

By than I was extremely worried, and still fretting over the facts and reasons in my head why we might be staying here longer than a year.

But why would she lie to me? Why would she hide these things from me? A small voice in my head whispered, ‘The same reason she told you your teddy bear was lost.’

Now I was crying. I was taking huge gulps in between sobs, actually facing the facts. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to make sure I was right before jumping to conclusions or hating anybody.

Slowly, I swung my legs out of bed and onto the chilly hardwood floor. I shuffled down the hallway to my mom’s room and gradually opened the door. I peered inside. She was asleep, with one arm hanging off the side of the bed. I took a deep breath and walked in the room.

I stood over her and stared for a minute before deciding what to do. I reached my hand down, and shook her softly.

“Mom?” I whispered, slowly shaking her. “Momma?”

Mom sat up quickly, as if I had startled her. “What is it, baby? Did you have a nightmare?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

I shook my head. How should I begin this? I sat on the edge of her bed. “Mom?” I asked. “We’re not going back to Wisconsin are we?”

My Feelings About Mom


I really don’t know how I feel about Mom. I mean, she’s my mom, so I guess I have to love her, but she lied to me. She told me this was all temporary, that it was just a nightmare, and that one day, I will wake up and be back in my own bed in Wisconsin.

But I guess deep down, I always knew it was a lie. I just didn’t want to believe it.

Mom officially told me that we weren’t going back last night at about one in the morning. I had woken her up, and asked her if we were going back to Wisconsin. Mom sat up with me, explaining why we couldn’t go back, and why she had lied to me until nearly three in the morning.

Mom’s explanation is completely bull. To me, it sounds like she’s lying to cover up another lie she had told.

“Honey,” she had said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I’m sorry I made you figure this out on your own. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

I had sat on the bed, staring at the floor. I started swinging my legs so it looked like I was occupied with something.

“It got… complicated between your father and I,” she said.

Not ‘my husband and I’ or ‘Daddy and I’. I knew the upcoming news would not be good.

“We didn’t have enough money to pay off the bills, and your father was already working two jobs, and I just couldn’t take up another one at that time,” Mom said, making excuses. That was so typical of her. “We figured it would be best if we would, um, go our separate ways for a while. It’s not permanent or anything,” she continued, but I cut her off.

“Neither was moving here,” I mumbled.

Mom looked at me. “Excuse me?” she said.

I looked up at her, this time full of rage. “You said living here in Colorado wasn’t permanent either. You said going to this school was only temporary! You’re probably lying this very minute about you guys being separated. You’re probably going to end up like a bunch of other parents out there, and get divorced!” I screamed.

Mom stared at me, speechless. Finally, she gathered what was left of her dignity, and said “I know this is hard for you Evie, but you just need to cope with this. You’re still keeping a journal like Mr. Garza told you to right? You can write down all of your feelings about this in there and,” she paused, and looked at me. Once again, she had that look of pity on her face. “And maybe we can try to be a family again.”

I shook my head, trying to let everything sink in, trying to calm down, but nothing was working. Everything she said enraged me more and more.

“I’ll burn it,” I said. “I’ll burn that stupid journal he gave me! I don’t care about you, or that stupid book! I never wanted any of this in the first place. I never asked for any of this.”

I stood up, my hands shaking. “Don’t expect me to show up for counseling at school either. I can cope with this just fine. I don’t need some dumb book to show me how I feel.” I took the nearest thing I could find, which happened to be Webster’s Dictionary, and chucked it across the room. “I know exactly how I feel! You know what I feel right now? I feel extremely outraged!”

With that, I turned and stormed out of her room. I marched into my room, slammed the door, and locked it. If she wanted to mess with me, that was fine. But she wasn’t going to think for a second that I would cry in front of her, I wouldn’t let her know how much this was hurting me, how much she betrayed me.

So listen you dumb book, you’ll be lucky if you survive tomorrow. Because most likely, I’ll go down to the city fire pit, and throw you in there, along with all of my stuff from Wisconsin. Including the picture of Dad and I taken last summer at the beach, because he hasn’t seemed to care enough to call even once since we left him.

I soon became friends with Olive and Destinie via Mango. I found out Olive and Destinie went to the same class I went to at the local theater.

One night, while we were at the class (which by the way is called Second Saturday), we were told we were allowed to choose our group. Naturally, Olive, Destinie and I flocked together.

“Ok,” the instructor said. “Each group must make up a skit about a super hero who saves things that normally wouldn’t need saving.”

Olive suggested we save puppies. “They’re cute and cuddly and oh so helpless!” she cried.

Destinie shrugged. “But puppies would need saving. Like you said, they’re absolutely helpless, like cats.”

Thinking back to the Saturday Night Live episode I had watched the week before, I suggested we save porcelain fountains. “Except the super hero has to use a New Jersey accent,” I added.

Olive and Destinie started laughing. “You be the super hero,” Olive said. “And I’ll sing Hannah Montana’s song Super Girl throughout the entire skit.”

Destinie agreed. “I’ll pretend my phone is stuck in my porcelain fountain. I’ll be like, ‘Super Girl, help!’”

Now we were all laughing. The instructor told us to perform our skits. Destinie, Olive and I went first.

Olive started us off by singing Super Girl. Destinie came in next. “Super Girl!” she called. “Help! Help me!”

I ran onto the floor where we were performing. “What on earth is wrong?” I asked. “Whatever your problem is, I can fix it!”

Destinie fake sobbed. “My phone is stuck in my porcelain fountain,” she said, turning towards our audience. “How on earth will I ever get it out?”

“Don’t worry!” I said. “I’ll save you and your,” I turned to the crowd, and used my New Jersey accent to say “Porcelain fountain.” I winked, and everyone laughed.

I reached my hand into an imaginary fountain and pulled out my phone that looked like a toy.

“Oh thank you Super Girl!” Destinie cried. “You’re the best super hero ever!”

At that moment, Olive was finishing up the song, so Destinie and I turned to the crowd and sang, “I’m super super girl.”

Everyone cheered for our cheesy skit. We all laughed and sat down and waited while the next skit performed.

Too bad they didn't have this back in Wisconsin, I thought to myself. It would have been a lot of fun to do with my friends out there.







* * * * * * * * * * * * * **



I went home that night with a good taste in my mouth. I had friends who loved me, a mom who tried her best to help me cope, and a new home. I curled up in a ball on my feathery bed, and fell asleep.

That night I had a dream. It was a scary dream, without being a nightmare.

In my dream was that kid Dane, who I told you about from the first day of school. We were standing outside after school, and he was telling me to do something. I kept saying no, that I didn’t want to do that, and than he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

I woke up, startled and alarmed. I had never had a dream like that before. I ran my fingers through my hair, wondering what I should do. Than Dane popped into my mind.

That was probably the scariest part of the night. When I realized that I liked Dane.
I waited on a ledge outside our school one afternoon for our bus to come. Destinie sat beside me, talking. But it was just background noise. I was still deep in thought about the night before.

How could I like him? He was Dane! He was annoying, stupid, but cute and funny at the same time.

“Are you even listening Evelyn?” Destinie asked.

I looked up at her. “Uh, yah,” I said.

Destinie shook her head. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been acting like this all day. Somethings bothering you.”

Destinie always knew it when I was worried. But this time I couldn’t tell her what was wrong. I never told anybody who I liked.

I shook my head. “It’s nothing Dessie,” I said. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

She sighed. “Yes it is. I’m your best friend, and it’s always my business.” Destinie patted my shoulder. “Who is it? Who do you like?”

I smiled. “You wouldn’t understand if I told you.”

Destinie shook her head. “Try me, girl” she said.

“Okay,” I said. “I like Dane.”

Destinie started laughing. “Why on earth would you like him? He is so stupid!”

I was greatly offended. “No he is not stupid. He is very smart, and funny, and cute.”

Destinie shook her head again. “What happened to Alex?”

I was shocked. I had never told her about that. “How did you know about that?” I asked.

“You flirt.” Destinie said. “A lot. It’s noticeable to everyone, including him.”

I blushed. I never knew that I flirted. Worse, he must have known I liked him.

“Did Alex like me back?” I asked.

Destinie avoided the question. “Evelyn, you’re to pretty for that retard Dane anyways. Please go back to liking people who are actually nice.”

Obviously, Alex never liked me.

“So, I’m guessing Dane doesn’t like me.” I said. “Great, I like someone who is in a lower league than I am and he doesn’t even like me back.”

Destinie chuckled, than shrugged. “I can’t see in that boys mind. Actually, I’m pretty sure nobody can.” She kicked her feet a little. “But why don’t you ask him yourself?”

I looked at her, puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

“Ask the boy out,” she stated. “It’s not that hard.”

Not that hard? Asking him out would mean admitting to him that I liked him. I’d admit to robbing a bank before I admitted to liking Dane!

“No, I most certainly will not. Than he’d know that I like him and that would ruin all the fun.”

Now it was Destinie’s turn to be puzzled. “What fun?”

I smiled, thinking of all the fun I’ve had with liking boys over the years. “The fun of him not knowing, the fun of flirting, the fun of trying to get his attention.” I looked at her. “You’ve never had to worry about that have you? You’ve always had the guy you like ask you out?”

Destinie was pretty. She was tall, lean, and had gorgeous brown hair with blond streaks in it.


She was silent. Which was a-OK because just than, my bus pulled up. I picked up my backpack, and started to walk away, but changed my mind at the last minute. “See you, tomorrow Destinie,” I said. Than I boarded my bus to go home.






* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I talked to Josie while climbing onto the bus. Josie was one of my mom’s friend’s daughters who I’ve met a few times before. She was a year older than me, and in the seventh grade.

Jabba the Hut (our nickname for our obese bus driver), said to us “Because of him,” she said, pointing to a boy named Tyshone. “You will all have assigned seats for the rest of the year.”

She sat us in seats next to someone else. A boy named Noah sat next to me.

Noah had a twin named Harrison. Yes, the same person who called me a newbie on the first day of school. They were both nice (now that I’ve gotten to know Harrison), and enjoyed making fun of people (in a friendly way) along with me. We usually talked about a kid with autism at our school, named Seth.

“This is stupid,” Noah said.

I nodded. “She’s blaming Tyshone for something she didn’t even see happen.”


Noah looked thoughtful for a moment. “What did happen?” he asked. “It must’ve been something pretty terrible to get us put in assigned seats for the rest of the year.”

“I have no idea.” Nothing even happened and now we were all getting in trouble for it. “But honestly, I’m pretty surprised Jabba could even get out of her chair. I bet that’s the first and last time we will ever see her up.”

He started laughing. “I’m surprised her but didn’t get stuck in between the arm rests,” he said.

Josie turned around from the seat next to ours. “Did you see her put her boobs in Noah’s face?” she asked.

I started laughing. “No, I didn’t,” I said. “Was it pretty funny?”

“No!” Noah exclaimed.

“You should’ve seen his face,” Josie cried. “It was hilarious.”

“They put us in these seats so we won’t talk or do bad things,” I said. “And so far, they’ve failed.”

Noah agreed. “We’re going to find a way,” he stated. “We’re kids. We always do.”

I smiled. “We’ll all find some way to make this fun.” I gazed out the window as our bus drove through “the hood.” “We’ll all talk. Or maybe we can be really bad and all get kicked off the bus together.”

Josie said it would be fun, but Noah just shook his head. “I think I might just ask my dad to pick me up from school. I mean, the bus takes so long to get here every day.”

It was true. School got out at 2:30, but our bus didn’t get there until nearly 3:00. Which was fine by me because I got to talk to all of my friends and just hang out.

“No, you won’t,” I cried. “Than I won’t have a bus buddy. I must be really horrible if you’re willing to tell your dad to pick you up just so you don’t have to sit next to me.”

Noah was laughing again. “No, it’s just that I don’t want to wait a half an hour every day after school, and than be told where to sit on the bus.”

“But you get to talk to you friends,” I said quietly.

Noah smiled. “I guess.”


My Feelings About The Bus


I’ve always enjoyed taking school buses, because I’ve always had friends on there to sit next to and talk to. If Noah leaves, than I won’t have anyone to sit next to.

I hate Jabba the Hut. She’s a fat, mean, and stupid old lady who never lets anyone have any fun. She should just leave us alone, and stop blaming us for stuff we didn’t do. What she should’ve done was put Tyshone in a seat in the front, and not punish everyone else along with him.

Nobody even saw what Tyshone did, and I was sitting next to him. Supposedly, the head of the bus station was on the bus that day and saw Tyshone do something that nobody else on the entire bus saw him do. So naturally, the bus driver would have to do as the head of the bus station told her to do, but I’m sure that Jabba came up with this all on her own.

The whole world seems to be turning more and more stupid everyday. You want some proof, journal? Here’s some examples: Jabba the Hut for punishing the bus; Dad for not calling after we left him; Mom for taking my childhood toys and hiding them; and me for falling for Dane, because we all know nobody has ever liked Evelyn in that way.

I thought a lot about what Destinie had said. Especially about the part where I had to ask Dane out.

That was the scary part. That I actually considered doing it. But that takes major courage, something I never had.

I walked into our house, which smelled of fresh paint and wet plaster, and plopped down on the couch and sighed. Mom popped her head into the room.

“Hey, sweetie,” she said. “Want to grab a brush? I’m almost done.”

I stood up and grabbed a brush of the tray of paint. I ran it down the wall with thick, even strokes. Mom always said I had a thing for art. I could always put on a coat of paint smoothly, evenly. I used to draw all the time. I remember back in Wisconsin, my closet was filled with art supplies. I had colored pencils, watercolors, pastels, oil paints, and so much more. I had canvas after canvas covered with paintings, drawings, anything. It was every artists dream.

I looked at the wall, my eyes filling with tears. I remembered why I stopped drawing.

The poverty hit our little town hard. It hit our family especially hard. We stopped being able to afford the little things in life that bring us so much joy. For Mom it was books. For Dad it was baseball cards. For me, it was my art. They explained to me why they had to stop buying my paints and canvases. They asked if I could make do with some old colored pencils and sheets of printer paper. For a while that worked.

I would draw people. My favorite thing to do was go into downtown and draw the busyness. I loved seeing all the people walking the streets, browsing in stores, or even sitting on benches. All those little things made me happy.


Than one day it all stopped. People began moving, businesses began closing down, and the streets and benches became deserted. That’s when I started drawing the depressing things. Abandoned homes, foreclosed businesses, untended gardens. I realized that I didn’t want to draw poverty. I wanted to draw happiness, busyness, and people. So I stopped altogether.

Mom looked at me. “Evie, are you all right?”

I wiped the tears from my eyes and nodded. “Yah,” I said. “I think I’m just allergic to something. I’m going to go into my room.”

I placed the brush carefully back into it’s tray and ran upstairs into my room. I closed the door quietly behind me.

I opened the only box in my room that I hadn’t unpacked. The box that contained my art supplies. I quickly pulled out oil pastels, and the last few of my canvases that thankfully didn’t get damaged in the move.

I set up my easel and placed the canvas on it. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I began drawing anyway.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


The next day I sat in Language Arts, anxiously awaiting Destinie’s arrival. I had to tell her what I had done, the horrible deed I had committed the night before. I found myself tapping my feet, a nervous habit I have.

Finally, Destinie walked in the room. I glanced around. Dane was already in his seat, but I guess I would have to tell her with him here.

She sat down next to me. “Hey Evelyn, what’s up?” she asked nonchalantly. She looked at me. “Is something wrong?”

I sighed. “I did something.” I blabbed. “I did something bad.”

Her eyes got wide. “Oh my God. What happened?” A huge smile spread across her face. “What was it? Was it terrible? Did you get caught? Holy crap this is awesome!”

I sighed again. “I painted.”

Destinie looked like she was about to smack me. “What’s your problem?” she asked. “What, are you not allowed to paint or something?”

She wasn’t getting it. “No, that’s not it. That’s not all. I painted a picture of him.”
I nodded towards Dane.

Destinie looked towards him. “Really?” she asked. “That’s,” she looked back at me. “Nice. Sweet.”

I smiled. She liked it. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. Plus I had painted again. The best part was it was a person, and I loved it.

“So when are you going to show it to him?” she asked.

Wait a second. Hold on. “Are you kidding me?” I practically screamed. “Never! It’s a secret.”

Destinie nodded, as if waiting for more. “And secrets are meant to be told,” she said. “So tell him you like him and show him the painting.”

I shook my head. “No.” I said. “No, no, no, no, no. Secrets are meant to be kept, specifically between two people. They are not supposed to be told to anyone.”

Destinie looked confused. “Evie, your never going to get the boy to go out with you if you don’t tell him you like him.” She looked back at Dane. “And as disgusting as he is, don’t you want to go out with him?”

I looked at him too. God, he was adorable. But was I really ready to be in a committed relationship with him? I shrugged. “That’s the thing Dessie,” I said. “I don’t know if I want to go out with him.”

She shook her head. “That’s the point of liking someone Evelyn.” She sighed. “You, my dear, are so confusing sometimes.”

“I like the idea of him, just not the reality of us,” I explained.

The bell rang just than, ending our conversation. But it didn’t end my thoughts. Did I want a boyfriend? Did I want Dane? Was I willing to risk everything I had to ask him out? I shook my head. Everything was so confusing. I just need to relax.




* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Coming out of my daze, I was in Social Studies, sitting next to Lizzy. Lizzy kept going on about the boy she liked, Vy, and wouldn’t shut up about it.

Suddenly, the question was asked. “So who do you like?”

I froze. Why would she ask that?

“Hello?” she asked. “Who is it?”

Should I tell her? After all, she was one of my best friends. I’m sure she would keep it a secret. “Dane,” I whispered.

She looked shocked and grossed out at the same time. “Eww,” she cried. “Gross. Why him? You are way too pretty for him!”

I was absolutely flattered by her compliment, but also quite offended that she didn’t see what I saw in him. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked, completely horrified. Immediately, I knew it was the wrong question to ask.

“What’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with him? Gee, Evelyn, let me see. He deleted my report the day before it was due, he ripped my hat,” she listed, counting everything out on her fingers. “Oh, and remember the time he took my lunch and ran around the lunch room eating it and screaming ‘Victory is mine’?”

By now I was a little embarrassed. Of course I remembered that day. I had sat in my seat watching the whole scene happen, wishing that was my lunch he had stolen. Pretty pathetic, huh?

“For what it’s worth, it was an accident when he deleted your report. He told how bad he felt afterwards,” I offered. I knew it wouldn’t help at all.

Lizzy snorted. “Yah I’m sure it was an accident. Just like it was an accident when he took my lunch.” She looked at him. “Can I tell him?”

“Tell him what? That you hate him for stealing your lunch and deleting your report,” I said between giggles.

“No,” Lizzy said. “Tell him you like him” She shook her head. “Evelyn, you are so slow sometimes.”

I was shocked. How could she betray me like that? She was supposed to keep the secret. “No, you most certainly may not tell him that. Why would you even think of telling him that? I thought you were my friend, you traitor!” I exclaimed.

Lizzy was giggling now. “But friends are supposed to help other friends. Hey, I’m just doing you a favor here, Evie. Come on, don’t be so uptight about it.”

I was being uptight? “I am not being uptight! I’m just being paranoid. You can’t tell him, I forbid you!”

“Fine,” Lizzy said. “I won’t tell him. Happy?”

“Yes.”

How dare she even think for a second that she would be able to tell him? Who does she think she is?

But maybe I wanted him to know all along.












My Feelings About Dane


I don’t know why I like him. I just do, and it just kind of happened. He’s pretty cute with his wavy, dark brown hair and his stunning hazel eyes. He has everything an insensible girl (me) would want.
I admit, he is mean to me sometimes. Like yesterday in Social Studies. We were working on our project together, when he randomly turned to me and said, “Evelyn, nobody likes you. Just go away and never come back.”
Yah, that kind of hurt. It made me feel like crap, so I went into the bathroom and cried. Eventually, Lizzy and Ellie came in, because they saw I had been missing from class for a while. They told me Mr. Sissel wanted me back in class in five minutes otherwise I was going to get a detention.
So, being good friends, they helped me clean up my act. I washed my face, until my eyes weren’t as puffy and red. Ellie took out her eyeliner and carefully drew it on. Lizzy had some mascara with her, and let me wear that, too. By time we were finished, I didn’t look half bad.
“No go in there and make him jealous,” Ellie said, smiling.
Another thing I hate about him is the way he acts around his friends. When we are alone, he acts very sweet and kind to me. But as soon as we’re around his friends, he acts like a retard. I hate most of his friends. Except for Alex. Alex is cool.
I love the way he smells though. He always smells like cologne, except it smells good. Not that Axe crap that most guys wear, but something lighter, sweeter.
I love his jeans, too. I know that seems silly and insignificant (probably especially to you Mr. Garza, who will be reading this), but I notice little things like that. It’s those little things in life that can bring so much joy into a person.
Last night I decided to name each star in the sky with a reason why I liked Dane. About half way through doing it though, I realized that I would run out of stars before I would run out of reasons.
I’ve liked Dane for more almost three months now. I read somewhere that a crush lasts approximately four months, and if it lasts any longer, it means you’re in love. Do you think it’s true? We’ll just have to wait two more months to find out, I guess.
Dane, if for some bizarre reason you are reading this, let me tell you something important. It’s a poem I wrote for you:

No matter what you do, or whom you like, just remember who will be there for you at the end of the day. The one that will never go away. The one that will stand there loving you unconditionally in pouring rain, or a raging blizzard. Who do you think it is? I think it’s me.

Once again, I came home and sat on our beaten up couch, a routine I had begun to develop. By now, most of our home has been renovated and painted, so Mom is no longer asking me for help on anything.
I got up to grab a can of Coke out of the fridge. So much has been on my mind lately. Sometimes I just wanted to break down and cry. Even Mr. Garza is trying to get me to cry. “Everyone cries sometimes,” he said. “Just let it all out sweetheart.”
I swear Mr. Garza is gay.
I found a note on the counter. It was from Mom, saying that she was out at the store and might be gone for a while.
“Gee, thanks for staying home so I don’t get lonely, Mom,” I said sarcastically, letting my bad mood get the best of me.
I grabbed my Coke, and decided to call Alicia, a girl from Merrill. She is one of my mom’s friend’s daughters.
I heard a faint “Hello?” on the other line.
“Hey,” I said. “It’s Evelyn. Want to hang out?”
In the few months I had been here, Alicia had become one of my best friends in the world. She was almost as good as my old friends back in Wisconsin. Almost.
“Yah,” Alicia answered. “Come on over.”
I walked over to Alicia’s. It was just warm enough that you didn’t need a jacket, but you could feel winter on its way. I shivered a little.

I walked right into her house. She turned around. Addie and Anne, two of Alicia’s other friends (I guess they were kind of mine too) were also there.

“Thanks for knocking,” Alicia said sarcastically.

I closed the heavy oak door behind me. “No problem.”

“We’re on Tordol,” Anne said. “You know what that is right?”

Of course I knew what Tordol was. My friends and I used to go on it all the time back in Wisconsin. It was our favorite pastime. For all of you who don’t know what Tordol is, Tordol is a truth or dare website. If you have an account, you can log in and play truth or dare at a party. Man, we had some good times with Tordol.

“I’m game,” I said.

Addie went first. Addie’s dare was to lie on her back, spit in the air, and try and catch it in her mouth. She missed entirely and got spit all over her face and her jacket. I was laughing.

She got up and wiped her mouth. “I missed on purpose,” she said, laughing a little herself.

Next, was Anne’s turn. “All righty Annsicle,” Alicia said. “Your dare is to crack two eggs and eat them raw.”

We all followed Anne into the kitchen, where she cracked the eggs and put them into her mouth (yes, she actually did it!). We all moaned.

“God, Anne,” I said. “Ever heard of salmonella?”

Anne smiled, and some yolk dripped out of her mouth. She swallowed. “Nope,” she said happily.

“Okay, Evie, your turn,” Addie said.

Alicia clicked the dare button. She smiled. “You have to tell us who you like, and than let us call them on your phone and tell them that you like them.”

I was seriously thinking of backing out of this one, but I couldn’t. We are religious about truth or dare.

I swallowed. “I like Dane,” I said.

Anne gasped. “Dane Vorbrich?” she cried.

I nodded.

Anne shook her head. “Aww, come on Evelyn. You can do so much better than that.”

Alicia held out her hand. “Phone,” she said.

I swallowed again. I’ve never told a boy I’ve liked them before. I don’t think a boy has ever found out that I’d liked them before. To be honest, I was scared.

I handed over my phone to the person who would ruin my life forever. Alicia looked through my contacts list until she found his name. She hit talk.

We all waited in silence. It was so quiet you could hear it ringing. Than we heard a “Hello?”
I could literally feel my heart shattering into a million pieces. I was really counting on him not to pick up.

“Hey,” Alicia said in her best valley girl voice. “What’s up?”

She went quiet. All I heard was a bunch of muffled sounds on the other end.

“Oh, this isn’t Evelyn. I’m her best friend Alicia. And,” she paused and looked at me. I must have looked pretty pathetic and scared, because the smile was quickly wiped off of her face. “And Evelyn heard a rumor going around today saying that she liked you, and I just wanted to make sure you knew she didn’t.”

I smiled and mouthed thank you to Alicia. Anne groaned.

“Come on,” she whispered. “Follow through with the dare or I’m gonna take the phone and do it myself.”

We heard Dane mutter a few more things.

“But,” Alicia said; now looking a little nervous herself. She looked at me and mouthed sorry. My heart sank and shattered again. “But she thinks you’re pretty cute.” She rushed the last two sentences. “Hello?” She looked offended. “He hung up on me!”

I shook my head and sniffled. Alicia looked up at me. I felt betrayed. My best friend had just betrayed me.

“Evie,” Alicia said real soft.

I shook my head slowly. “I gotta go,” I said.

I stood up and trudged home. Night was falling, and it was getting a little colder out, but I didn’t really notice. I felt sad and a little scared. What would happen at school tomorrow? Would our friendship be ruined?

I reached my house and slowly climbed up the stairs into my room. I changed into warm, fuzzy pajamas and climbed into bed. “I’m ready,” I said. “Please God, I’m ready to die.”






* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


The halls were full of students and their usual chatter. I stood by my locker scared, alone, and depressed. Today was the day Dane would laugh in my face.

I walked quickly to class, avoiding eye contact with everyone else, just in case Dane had already told everyone in our grade. I put my stuff under my desk and sat down in my seat.

Across the room, Dane sat at his desk turned around and talking to Sarah. He flirted with her so often; it made me want to hate the girl for stealing him. But nobody could hate Sarah, because she was as sweet as a tiny bunny sniffing a flower.

Dane looked up and caught my eye. He motioned for me to go out into the hall. Reluctantly, I stood up and left the security of my desk.

The two of us stood in the crowded hall for a moment silently. “Who called me last night?” he asked. “Was that you?”

Here it comes. “Kind of,” I answered, staring at my shoes. I kicked at a small rock laying on the floor. “My friends and I were on Tordol, which is a truth or dare website, and my dare was to give them my phone and they got to call someone on it. And they chose you.”

Dane nodded, taking it all in. He seemed to be thinking something over. “I didn’t hear anything. It was just a bunch of screaming. And,” he looked at me. “I got bored and hung up.” Dane smiled that smile that made me go weak in the knees. No boy had ever had that power over me. “All right?”

I nodded.

Dane smiled, than turned and walked back into class.

I didn’t know much, but I knew one thing for sure. Dane had heard every word of that conversation.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Despite all the good things that had happened to me lately, I went home and bawled. At first I didn’t know why I was crying, than I realized why.
I was crying because my dad didn’t even think to call once since we left him.
I was crying because we left him.
I was crying because I missed my friends.
And I was crying because I realized I loved Dane.






* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I had a dream that night. It wasn’t a happy dream. It wasn’t a scary dream. You can’t really label it.
In my dream, there was water everywhere. I don’t know where I was, but I might have been there before. There was also a large wood behind me.
I sat at the edge of the water, splashing my feet in it, when Dane came up behind me. He put his arms around me, and kissed me on the cheek once. Twice. Three times.
We walked through the woods together. There was a deafening silence, and a feeling of peace and calmness.
The two of us stopped near a huge oak towering hundreds of feet above our heads. I felt minuscule. Apparently, Dane didn’t share the same thought.
“It’s beautiful, right?” he said. “But of course, not as beautiful as you.”
That’s when I figured out that I was in a dream. I mean, Dane obviously would never say that to a girl. Especially to me.
Despite being in a dream, I blushed. I blushed because everything I had ever wanted was coming true. Perfect guy, perfect place, now all I needed was for him to…
Dane closed his eyes and leaned in. I squealed in delight. I remember closing my eyes and leaning in waiting for that special moment, when I heard a faint buzzing sound. Dane pulled back, hearing it too.
All of a sudden, it was over. I was out of my dreamland, and back into boring old reality. I sat up quickly and rubbed my exhausted eyes. I hit my alarm, and grumbled at it for a minute or so.
I smelled bacon cooking, so I reluctantly got out of my bed, and changed into some warm clothes. I shivered, and considered climbing back into bed, when the smell of the bacon frying wafted back into my room. I slowly trudged out of my room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen, which was filled with the usual heavenly breakfast aromas.
Mom looked up at me when I walked in. She was standing over the stove with a spatula in her hand and a pile of pancakes sitting next to her on the counter. “Hi sweetheart!” she said happily. “Aren’t Saturday’s great?”
I wondered why she was so happy. Don’t get me wrong; my mother is a very happy person. Usually, she is so happy that when we’re at the store or some other place, someone will come up and ask me if she’s high or drunk. It’s just that today, she is exceptionally happy.
“Um, sure,” I said. “Why are you so happy, again?” I grabbed a plate and started piling on pancakes and bacon.
Mom held up a carton of eggs. “One or two?” she asked.
I held up two fingers as I poured a big glass of orange juice.
Mom cracked the eggs. “I am so very happy today because I found out that we qualify for a scholarship to the local community college.” She flipped the eggs. “Do you know what this means?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “It means I can finally go back to college! I can earn my degree, and than go on to become a doctor,” she exclaimed.
I munched on a piece of crispy bacon and thought this through. “What about work?” I finally asked.
Mom waved a hand at me. “Oh, Evie, I have this all figured out. I’ll work days, probably from nine A.M.. to five P.M.. From there, I’ll head on over to the college, and I’ll stay there until eight or nine. You won’t mine staying home alone will you?”
Actually, I did mind. I just figured out that I would never see my father again, and now I’m losing my mom too? I wanted to tell her not to go to college, and to stay home with me forever, but she looked too happy. And she had made this wonderful breakfast for me. Do you know how hard it is to get turkey bacon as crispy as I like it?
Instead, I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just hang out here, or maybe go to Destinie or Mango’s house after school sometimes.” I took another bite of bacon. “It’ll all be good.”
Mom smiled real wide. “Great!” She slid my eggs onto a plate. “I’ll enroll today.”
She handed me my eggs, and skipped happily out of the room. Yes you read that right, she skipped.
I stared at my plate of food, suddenly not feeling that hungry anymore. I got up to throw my food away. At the last minute, I decided I couldn’t waste wonderful turkey bacon like this, and sat back down to finish.

* * * * * * * * *
The end of the semester was coming around, which was both amazing and terrible. It was incredibly amazing because the end of the first semester means that I'm halfway through the year. It was bad because it also means finals.
I know what your thinking. You're probably thinking, “Evelyn, you're in middle school. You don't take finals you retard!” But really, I do. Our middle school is the only middle school in the district that takes finals. I mean, couldn't my mom have sent me to some other school that doesn't take finals?
So I have to start preparing for endless weeks of cramming and studying. Mr. Garza said that cramming wasn't good. “Study in thirty minute intervals,” he said. “If you study to much, your brain will be overwhelmed and you won't remember anything. I remember when I was your age, I studied all night long the night before my final, and I ended up failing it. ” No offense Mr. Garza, but you're like forty, and I don't think your remember when you were thirteen.
For the past week, I've been digging out all of my old assignments and tests, looking for any questions I missed or had trouble on. Destinie has been trying to help by quizzing me. The only problem is when I miss a question, Destinie will say something like, “Evelyn you're such a moron sometimes. You've missed the same question three times already! Why can't you get it through your head?”
Maybe I need to get a new study partner.
Our math teacher Mrs. Noard has also been trying to prepare us lately. “It's no big deal,” she said. “I'm just going to count it as a normal test since this is your first final. Just remember to stay relaxed during the test.”
That's easy to say when you’re the one making it, not taking it.
Mom even promised to make my favorite breakfast during finals week. “Just so you feel comfortable and relaxed,” she told me. A week full of pancakes and turkey bacon. Maybe finals aren't so bad.
The worst part of it all was Kaylee. Kaylee is the super preppy girl and bully at our school. Every school has one. But if you don't think your school has a bully, you're probably it.
During lunch that day, Kaylee bragged about how easy finals were going to be. “I know exactly what is going to be on the tests because my mom knows a guy.” She flipped her hair. “I will know all the answers before we even take it. So I guess it's like getting an automatic A.”
Next to me, Destinie just sat shaking her head. “I can't wait to see her fail this,” she muttered. “I'll laugh in her face.”
I love Destinie. I really do. But sometimes, she can get a little carried away with, well, everything.
That's when Kaylee turned around. She smiled sweetly at me. “Evelyn, I'd help you study, but I'm already helping out another charity this week.”
The entire cafeteria “ohhhed”.
Destinie stood up. “No, Dessie, please don't,” I whispered.
“What charity Kaylee?” she asked. “The halfway house that your mom's at?”
“Aww, crap,” I muttered.
Now she had done it.
Kaylee hopped down from the chair she was standing on. “You think you're so smart right? I'm going to laugh when you fail this test.”

Destinie smiled. “But at least I can fail this honestly. I don't need to have the answers, because I can study. I've had the highest scores on tests ever since the third grade. Remember when I beat you in the quiz bowl then?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. Cumpston, our vice principal, coming over. “Destinie,” I hissed. “Sit down.”

She ignored me. “Admit it Kaylee. I'm smarter then you.”

Now Kaylee was mad. “If you think you're so tough, why don't you fight me right now?”

The whole cafeteria got deathly quiet. I was afraid to speak. Luckily, Mango did it for me. “Destinie,” she whispered. “Cumpston alert!”

Destinie turned around just as Mr. Cumpston grabbed the back of her shirt. “You’re not fighting anybody Missy,” he said.

Kaylee laughed. “Ha!” she said. “Take that Nemmers!”

A large hand reached out and grabbed the back of Kaylee’s shirt just as though words left her incredibly annoying mouth. “You’re in trouble too little girl,” he hissed. “Both of you. My office. Now.”

I groaned. Great. My best friend was in trouble because of yours truly, the pain in the neck me.

Mango patted my shoulder. “It’s okay Evie,” she said soothingly. “It’s not your fault. Kaylee as being a big meanie head again.” Leave it to Mango to make anyone feel better.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

After lunch, I rushed down to the office, hoping to be able to catch the verdict. Unfortunatley, Mr. Cumpston’s door was locked. I tried pushing and pulling, just so I was sure that I wasn’t a complete moron.

I sat in one of the chairs outside the door and prepared for a long wait. If Destinie was the one in trouble, I better have a speech prepared to defend her. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear a round of applause for Evelyn Crowley, the youngest lawyer alive.

The door behind me opened. I turned around, and peered into the small room. Mr. Cumpston was shooing Kaylee and Destinie our of his office. Kaylee had a disgusted look on her face. Destinie, on the other hand, looked a bit smug.

I smiled. “I presume Dessie was the winner of this case,” I said, still acting like a lawyer. Maybe I had found my future career.

Kaylee groaned. “Cumpston got me for standing on the chair,” she said. She shook her head. “That I can understand. But how does she get away with the entire thing? I mean he didn’t even accuse you of anything!”

Destinie smirked. “When you’re as well behaved as me, people tend to overlook the little mistakes you make in life.”

“Well behaved?” I snorted. “Yah, I’d like to see that.”

Kaylee laughed a little. For a moment, the three of us were almost getting along.

“Okay, losers. I gotta get to my next class before the teacher takes roll,” she stated. The moment passed. “So, out of my way.”

She snapped her dainty fingers and strutted out of the office like the queen of England. Destinie smiled. “The only thing that was missing from that picture was the hair flip,” she joked.

I laughed. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Kaylee wasn’t so bad. Maybe having a misbehaved friend was a good thing. Maybe life continues on.







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I laid sprawled out on my bed, paintings and drawings surrounding me. I was thinking of maybe starting to draw again. Little things, like Destinie laughing.

I took a sheet of printer paper and made a big curve. A big heart would look good on my wall, maybe right above my bed. Maybe it would have my initials on it. E.C.

I made another curve, right next to the first one. I chose a light pink colored pencil and slowly shaded in the heart. It looked pretty.

I chose a light blue, almost a periwinkle, and drew my initials on it. Next was the background.
I chose a pastel yellow, my grandmother’s favorite color.

I smiled. My grandmother, Evelyn Marie Crowley, was a wonderful person. One of my favorite things about her was that she and I shared a name. She had died a few years before of colon cancer. I remember she said something about having a good life, and that she was too old to go through chemo.

I suddenly had a strong urge to visit her grave. I really needed to find a place to put this until I can place at Grandma’s grave.

Taking my time and rehearsing what I was going to say, I walked slowly down the hall way and our stairs. Mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. It smelled like tacos. She looked up and smiled.

“Hey sweetheart,” she said, washing her hands clean of raw meat. “Does tacos sound good tonight? No that you have much choice.” I swear her happiness is contagious. I felt a fuzzy warmness in my stomach. But that could have just been me getting sick to my stomach on the thought of asking her to go back to Wisconsin, the place where my father lived.

I nodded and smiled back at her. “Sounds great,” I said. “My favorite. Um,” I stopped short. Suddenly I felt a little guilty asking for this. I hoped she hadn’t heard me begin my next sentence.

“What is it, Evie?” she asked me. Once again, my mother crushed my hopes and dreams. She walked over to me and put a hand on my forehead. “You’ve been acting a little strange lately. Are you sick? Have you been feeling all right?”

I swallowed. “Y-yeah,” I stammered. “I’m just a little cold. Could you get me some water?”

My mother frowned. “Sure babe,” she said. “Go lay down on the couch and watch some TV. Maybe you should just have some chicken soup for dinner.”

As I walked away I heard her mumbling something about calling the doctor.

Now I know you all probably hate me right now for not coming clean about my painting, but what was I supposed to say? She made my favorite dinner! She was the drunk kind of happy again! I lay down on the couch and turned on the TV.

Mom came in the room with chicken soup and a glass of water. “You eat in here tonight,” she said. I honestly cannot remember the last time mom let me eat in front of the TV. I had to put a stop to this madness.

“I want to go back to Wisconsin,” I blurted.

Mom froze. Literally, she froze in the middle of putting the soup on the coffee table.

Well this isn’t what I wanted. “I mean,” I began. “I want to visit Grandma’s grave. I painted a picture,” said.

Mom’s face looked totally worried. And it wasn’t because I lied about being sick.

“And I want to place it on her grave,” I continued. “So I was thinking,” I said, but stopped mid sentence. I could tell Mom didn’t want me to say any more.

She sat down on the chair across the room and put her head in her hands. I thought I maybe heard her sob. “Oh Evelyn,” she muttered.

It was completely silent in our house for a few minutes. Which was cool, because that meant that Mom wasn’t going to yell at me right away.

She looked up at me. Her face was red and puffy, like she had been crying. The thought scared me. “That’s not the reason you want to go back to Wisconsin is it?”

I was silent. “Actually, it kind of is. I wouldn’t want that beautiful picture to go to waste. It’s just going to collect dust if it sits in my room,” I said. “If you really want me to, I can shove it under my bed, but then it might get damaged or dirty.”

Mom almost smiled. “You want to see your father,” she stated. “You miss him, don’t you Evie?”

* * * * * * * * * * *
I really don’t remember much after that. All I remember is running. I was running down my street. I didn’t know where I was going, what I was doing, or what I was running from, but I was running.

Slowing down, I found myself in front of Alicia’s house. Suddenly, I felt comforted. I let myself in and went into her room. She was sitting on her floor going through a drawer full of markers. “Hey,” I said.

She gasped and turned around quickly. Her face relaxed. “Oh Evie,” she said. “It’s you. You scared me.”

I nodded. I hadn’t meant to scare her. All I wanted was a little comfort and maybe something to eat.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. Alicia still looked a little spooked. “And how exactly did you get into my house?”

I smiled. “Your door was unlocked. Uh, sorry for scaring you but it’s kind of an emergency. To me at least.” I looked around. Her room was the cleanest I’ve ever seen. Usually, it’s so messy you can’t even see the floor. “I painted a picture.”

Alicia looked a little confused. “Um, okay?” She surveyed me, probably checking to make sure that I wasn’t insane. “And that’s a bad thing because?”

Obviously, she was missing the point. “You’re not getting it!” I cried. I picked up her stuffed dog named Velvet and hugged it. “I want to go back to Wisconsin. I want to see my father. You have no idea what it’s like to not hear from him for months, not see him for months, not even know where he is!”

Alicia stood up. She put a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s get some hot chocolate,” she said soothingly. “We can talk this through.”

We made our way slowly down her stairs. This was the nicest I can remember her ever being to me. What was going on? Was I going crazy?

She boiled two cups of water and got packages of mix in hot chocolate out from the cupboard.

“So what’s wrong Evelyn? Why do you want to move back to Wisconsin?” she asked as she mixed in the powder. The hot chocolate sounded extremely good suddenly.

“I miss him,” I muttered. “I miss my dad. I want to wake up every morning, and know he is right down the hall in his room or maybe in the kitchen cooking pancakes for breakfast.” I gratefully picked up the steaming cup. The hot chocolate burned my tongue, but I took another big gulp anyway. “You have no idea what it’s like not having your father around.”

Alicia took a sip of her hot chocolate and made a face. She placed the mug back on the counter. “Actually Evie, I do.” She looked at the floor. “You know my parents are divorced. My dad lives out of town.”

“Yah, but that’s different,” I protested. “He’s in the next town over. You can visit him whenever you want.” I took another big drink out of my mug. “Me, I don’t even know how to get back to Wisconsin. I don’t even know if he’s living in the same house. I don’t know anything, Alicia, and I can’t do anything about it! It’s driving me crazy.” I felt something wet slide down my cheek.

Alicia reached over and wiped the tear off of my face. “Hey. It’s going to be okay.” She wet a cloth and handed it to me. “Everything always turns out right. It may take a while, but it will be okay. It always is.” Alicia hugged me. “Just remember I love you.”

That’s when I really started to cry. Alicia had never told me she loved me before. It really touched me, and as you have probably figured out, I’m a very emotional person.

We stood there like that for a few minutes. “I have to go,” I said finally. “My mom probably is wondering where I am. She’s most likely getting worried.”

Alicia nodded. “Yah I understand.”

She led me back through her home and to the door. As I was slipping on my shoes, I said, “You’re a great friend Alicia.”

She smiled and opened the door. “I know,” she said. “I’m five stars.”

I walked out of her house and back towards mine. I realized that maybe I didn’t do as bad as I thought I would. I actually made a bunch of great friends. Maybe I’m a likeable person. I smiled to myself. Maybe I’m five stars. Just like Alicia.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


I opened our front door and found mom asleep on our couch. I silently took off my shoes and headed upstairs to my bedroom.

I sighed and sat down on my bed. The mattress sagged under my weight. I patted it. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a new one. I’ll have to remind mom about that.

In the corner of my room was the painting of grandmother. All of a sudden I felt like crying. Not just any cry, but one of those cries where you cry for hours. I felt a warm tear slowly slide down.

I crawled underneath my warms sheets. Even thought it was warm out, I turned my electric blanket on. I pulled the covers over my head and sat there crying. The next thing I know mom was in my room, pulling the covers off my head.

“Evie?” she whispered. “Are you awake?”

I pretended to be asleep. Suddenly I was aware of the smell of hot chocolate. My stomach growled.

Mom leaned over and kissed my forehead softly. “I love you Evelyn,” she said.

I heard my door close. My eyes stung with tears. I sat up and grabbed the mug of hot chocolate sitting on the table next to my bed. My hands shook as I took a drink of it.

My mind was racing. I needed to think of a new way to get back to Wisconsin. A new way to see Dad. A thought slowly emerged in my head. It was time to consult Destinie.

* * * * * * * * *
Later on that night I asked Mom if Destinie could sleep over. I had a new plan reeling in my head, but I needed Destinie to tell me if my plan was going to work or not. Fortunatley, Mom agreed, saying, “It will be delightful to have some company over.”

I called Destinie and asked her to sleep over the next Friday night. “I’m going to need your help with something,” I said. “I have a plan, but I need to know if it’s going to work.”

Destinie laughed. “You’re becoming more and more like me every day. Of course I’ll come.” Destinie coughed. “I can’t wait to hear what it is.”

I smiled to myself. Destinie was right. I was starting to do things that she did. I was turning more and more evil every day. The only thing was, I didn’t know if it was a good thing.




Later on that night I logged onto Facebook. I checked my chat list. I smiled happily when I saw that Dane was online. I wanted to talk to him so badly, but every time I tried, I couldn’t get my fingers to type anything. And when they did, I couldn’t get my pinky to press enter. I sighed. Cole, one of my friends from school, was also online. I decided to talk to him.


Me: Hey

Cole: Hey

Me: What’s up?

Cole: Nm. What’s the math homework?

Me: We finished it in class remember?

Cole: Oh yeah. What’s up?

Me: Well, I’m actually in a bit of a rut right now. You see, the boy I like is also online, and I want to talk to him really really badly, but I can’t gather up the nerve to do it. Help?

Cole: LOL. Sorry, I can’t help you. I have trouble talking to the guy I like to.

Me: Oh thanks for trying… go be gay somewhere else LOL.



Cole stopped responding. This worried me.



Me: Hey, are you still there?


He didn’t respond. I shrugged my shoulders, figuring her just walked away from his laptop and would be back any minute. I searched peoples pages and looked at their walls, when suddenly, Maddy, another friend from school, tried to chat with me.



Maddy: What did you do to Cole?

Me: Nothing! I didn’t say anything!

Maddy: Are you sure?

Me: Yes why?

Maddy: CUZ HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU!



Now I was confused. He liked me a minute ago when we were chatting. What could have gone wrong? What did I say?


Me: Why not?

Maddy: IDK!

Me: Well ask him!

Maddy: He said you told him to be gay somewhere else. How could you do that Evelyn?

Me: I was joking with him! hE knows that!

Maddy: Obviously not! He’s mad at you

Me: Well tell him I’m sorry!

Maddy: He said he doesn’t care.

Me: Tell him I love him!

Maddy: He said he detests you


I realized that I had huge tears running down my face. I couldn’t believe I was crying again!


Me: Tell him I’m crying!

Maddy: He said “SUCKS TO HER!”



Now I was bawling. Why was he so upset about this? I always joked with him about gay stuff.


Me: I don’t understand why he’s so mad over this.

Maddy: Because he’s bi!

Me: HOLY CRAP HE IS?

Maddy: Duhhhhh.

Me: I didn’t know this

Maddy: Ohhh LOL. Kidding fail!

Me: This isn’t funny! He hates me

Maddy: Sucks to you! He’ll get over it. He always does.


I wasn’t sure. I’ve screwed up before, but never this badly. I wouldn’t blame Cole if he never talked to me again.

I logged off and went into the kitchen.

As usual, mom was standing over the stove. “Stirfry tonight?” she asked without looking up.

I licked my lips and smiled. “Sounds great,” I said. I noticed something. Mom wasn’t smiling, which as you know, is quite unusual. “What’s wrong?”

Mom dumped some onions into the pan. She sighed. “Nothing sweetheart,” she said. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Mom, if it’s worrying you, it’s going to worry me. If it affects you, it’s going to affect me. Face it,” I said patting her shoulder. “We share everything that goes on in this house. Just like you used to share it with Dad.”

Mom froze for a second, and then continued with making the stir-fry.

She was silent. I was beginning to wonder if she was going to tell me what was wrong or not, when she whispered something almost inaudible.

“What?” I asked.

She stirred the stir-fry angrily. “I failed my final,” she said. “I blew it Evelyn! The one shot I have at success and accomplishment and I blew it.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I failed you.”

Now I was about ready to cry. “Oh no Mom,” I said. I held her hand. “It’s okay. What was your final grade in the class?”

Mom sniffled. “A low B.”

I smiled. “See? That’s all that matters. You passed the class. You won’t have to retake it. So what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is I’m only getting two credits instead of the three I should have gotten if I had gotten an A.” She stirred the food, which was beginning to smell heavenly. “I’m going to have to take another course until I get that last credit.”

I sighed. There was really no making her feel better. “Mom I love you, you’re great in all, but I’m starving.”

Mom smiled. “Of course you are. You always are.”

I playfully smacked her arm. “Can we eat?”

Mom hugged me. “Yes. Sorry for worrying you.”

“The only thing I’m worried about is starving before I can get that delicious stir fry in my tummy!” I helped myself to a big plate. Taking my seat, I realized that for a while, I can live with only one parent. But just until I can get Dad back.




* * * * * * * * * * * *

A few nights later, Destinie came over to spend the night. “This is going to be so much fun. We can paint each others nails, and do each others hair, and stay up all night,” she said.

“And work on my plan,” I said. “Don’t forget my plan.”

Destinie laughed. “Of course not,” she said.

I led her up our long staircase. “So,” she said, running her hand up the banister. “What is this genius plan you’re working on?”

I put my index finger to my lips, shushing her. “Quiet! My mom might hear!” I looked behind us, just in case she was at the bottom of the stairs.

Destinie smiled. “Oh, so this is one of those plan where if you get caught, your in major trouble?” She laughed again and turned the doorknob. “Man, this just keeps getting better and better.”

She opened the door and let herself into my room. Destinie took a quick look around, then threw her things in a corner and flopped down onto my bed. She patted it. “Tell me about it,” she said.

I closed the door quietly. “Well,” I said, sitting on my bed next to her. “I really don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“You want to move back to Wisconsin.”

I was shocked. Did I make it that obvious? “H-how did you know?” I stammered.

Destinie smiled and picked at a scab on her knee. “Whenever you talk about it, you get this dazed look in your eyes. And take really long pauses between sentences when you talk about it.” She looked up at me with her adoring brown eyes. “It’s your home Evie. There’s nothing wrong with missing it.”

“I never said there was,” I mumbled, staring at the floor. I kicked at a piece of dust. “It’s just… well, let me put it this way. I really like it here, don’t get me wrong. But, like you said, Wisconsin is my home. I grew up there, and I guess I just kind of need to get back there, and prove to myself that this was for the better, like my mom says it is.” I wiped a tear off my cheek. “The only thing I’m afraid of is we will get there, and it’ll all be gone. That there will be nothing left of it.”

Destinie was silent. She nodded as if she understood what I was talking about, but of course she never would fully know what I was going through.

“I think we were one of the last people to leave,” I said. “I remember all of my friends moving away, or going to live with relatives. Poverty struck our small town hard Dessie. And maybe, just maybe, it might never recover from it. Maybe it will stay abandoned forever.” I went to wipe another tear off my face, when I realized my entire face was soaked. “And what if I get there, and it’s not even standing? What if some new casino is there, or a hotel, or…” I was sobbing too hard to finish the sentence.

Destinie hugged me. “Or if the happiness was all in your head?” she asked.

I nodded. “Maybe our town was always like that. Maybe we never had a perfect family, or a perfect house, or a perfect life. Maybe we were always poor. Maybe I would have ended up hear anyways, even if my parents hadn’t divorced.” I realized I had said that word for the first time, finally knowing that no amount of denial could make it not true, or bring them back together.

Destinie put her hands on my shoulders. “Evie, look at me. You need to stop. Stop with all of these maybes. Don’t worry about the things you can’t change. Worry about the things you can change, and change them.” She stared straight through me. “If you really want to see your dad again, tell your mom. Tell her you’re serious, and that you think it’s important to have a father.”

I sniffled. “What if I don’t want to see my father?” I asked. “What if him not being in my life is for the best?”

Destinie smiled. “Only you can decide that.” She patted my shoulder. “Let’s think happy thoughts now. How about we go make Dane jealous?”

This got my attention. “How are we going to do that?”

Dessie went over to her bag and rummaged through it. She pulled out a makeup kit, complete with bronzer, blush, eyeliner, mascara, and all the other necessities for getting guys back for breaking your heart. “Makeover time Evie.”

I sat in my swivel chair, ready to be transformed. Destinie came over and began choosing colors. I smiled to myself. I realized that even though I hadn’t actually told Destinie my plan, she helped me come up with a new one without even knowing it. Something told me that this plan wasn’t going to fail, and I was finally going to get what I want. The only thing I was hoping for was that Mom would take me there for my birthday.



My Feelings About Destinie


Lately I’ve begun to wonder when Destinie became the most amazing person in my life. She’s always there for me, and is a great comfort. For some reason, she seems like a dream, or like a mythical creature, something that doesn’t exist.
Destinie always knows exactly what to say, especially about boys. She knows what they like, and how they click. I always laugh when Destinie says that she can get any two people together. I remember asking her why she didn’t try to get me and Dane together.
“Because your not compatible,” she said. “You guys aren’t even opposites attract. You’re just opposites.”
Way to make me feel great, Destinie.
I whined, “Can’t you do something? Anything? Make him at least look at me?”
She would patted my shoulder and hugged me. “Hey, I’d make him love you if I could. You know that. But I can’t. You just gotta trust me on this one. He’s not the guy for you.” She hugged me again. “I love you.”
I hugged her back. “I know,” I said. “I love you too.”
Every time she sleeps over at my house, we give each other makeovers. She usually likes to curl my hair. “Pretty Evie,” she says afterwards.”
I smiled whenever I think of her. She makes me feel happy and special, just like a best friend should make you feel.
Yes I love her. Yes she’s my best friend.
Lately I’ve been getting into poetry. So this one is for you Dessie Wessie:

Friends from the beginning
Friends ‘til the end
Our friendship is something
We can always mend.
Because I love you
And you love me
And we’ll be together
A big friend-family.

Okay, yah, not my best. But you get the point. I love her. She’s my best friend, and I’m always going to be there for her.

That night, Destinie and I uploaded the pictures of me to Facebook. Right away, we started getting comments on them. Mango said, “Aww, look at pretty Evie!” That made my day.
Destinie twisted a lock of her hair around her finger. “See?” she said. “I told you you were pretty.”
I scrolled down the page, my eyes searching for Dane’s name under the comments. “Yah, but I guess Dane didn’t think so.” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice. My eyes stung with tears.
Destinie hugged me. “He’s just one guy, hon,” she said. “There are plenty of others out there, just waiting to find you.”
Why does she have to be so amazing?
“I swear Destinie, inside and out you’re better then I am.”



* * * * * * * * * * * *


My birthday was just about two weeks away when my mom started asking about what I wanted.

“A new ipod would be cool,” I said, holding up a thick, metal contraption that just happened to be my ipod. I had gotten one of the first ipods to ever be released, so it looked like something from the Stone Age.

Mom nodded. She picked up a few clothes laying on the floor of my room. “You haven’t asked about Wisconsin in a while,” she began.

Perfect. The first step of my plan was working.
I shrugged. “You always seemed kind of… irritated whenever I brought the subject up, so I stopped.” I scrolled through my playlist. “I might also need a few more pairs of jeans,” I added smoothly.
“Oh,” Mom said. “Would you, I don’t know, still want to go to Wisconsin? Not that we will. I was just wondering for, you know, future references.”
Future references? What the heck was she talking about?
“Yah sure,” I said. “A little more makeup would be nice.”
Mom walked out of my room. So she was going to take me to Wisconsin for my birthday. Man, Destinie needed to hear this. I couldn’t wait to tell her at school.




* * * * * * * * * * * *
Mom officially told me the news on the day of my birthday. We were sitting at dinner. We had ordered Chinese from this restaurant that had opened up down the street.
Mom twirled the mein around her fork. “So Evie,” she began. “I was thinking, that maybe you were right. Maybe you should visit your grandmothers grave and, you know, give her something. Maybe it will help you cope with the fact that…”
“Thank you thank you thank you!” I screamed, jumping and twirling around our dining room. I ran over to her and squeezed her. “Oh thank you so much! I love you I love you I love you!”
Mom laughed a little. “Sure sweetie. But I have to warn you…”
“I know,” I said. “You’re coming with me. You’re monitoring what I pack. Blah blah blah.” I threw the rest of my food in the garbage. “When are we going?”
Mom finished off the last of her mein. “Next Friday. We’ll stay there for about a week. But Evie…”
I was already running upstairs to pack. I had been waiting for this moment ever since we moved out here. Maybe, if we go back home, Mom will realize how much she misses it, and maybe she will get back together with Dad. We could be a normal family again. I smiled at the thought.
I threw a few t-shirts and a couple pairs of jeans into the suitcase. There would be no last minute packing for this trip. I was so excited, I could hardly wait until next Friday.
In all of my hurried packing, I accidentally knocked a picture off of my dresser. When I bent down to pick it up, I realized it was the last picture that was taken of us as a family.




* * * * * * * * * *
By 10:00 in the morning, we were on our flight out to Wisconsin. I was wriggling in my chair. It was my first time flying, and everything made me nervous. I almost ninja slapped a flight attendant for offering me peanuts because I thought she had implanted little bombs inside the package. Talk about paranoid.
My stomach was twisting into a knot. I felt like I was leaving part of me behind. It was like leaving Wisconsin all over again. Maybe this wasn’t what I was supposed to do.
Mom squeezed my arm. “Isn’t this going to be great? Just you and I, vacationing for a week. We can go to the beach, and visit a dairy farm, and see your grandparents.”
I took a deep breath and smiled. “Yah, this is gonna be fun.”
I looked around. In front of us was a very obese man eating a candy bar. Next to him was a petite woman. She leaned over and kissed him. I just about gagged.
Across the aisle was a man with a briefcase. He was looking at his Blackberry and muttering something into his ear piece. Abruptly, he looked up and saw that I was staring at him. My face grew hot with embarrassment, but he smiled at me.
I leaned back in my seat, figuring that I had had enough of looking around for a while. I sighed. This was going to be a long flight.
I was just dozing off when I lurched forward. At first I thought the plane was going down, but then I realized that I had just had my seat kicked.
The kicking seemed to stop, so I tried to fall back asleep. Out of the blue, I felt another small kick. And another. And another. I was growing angry at this point.
Mom looked up from her book. “Something the matter?”
I pointed behind me. “Some little punk is kicking the back of my seat.” I rubbed my eyes. “I’m tired Momma,” I whined.
Mom groaned and turned around. “Excuse me,” she said. “Can you please stop kicking my daughters seat?”
I stood up and looked behind me. “Yah, I’m trying to fall asleep.”
The kid was probably about 7 years old. He stuck his tongue out at me and called me something that I’m not comfortable with repeating. I slowly turned abck around and sat down again.
“Little Kid has a big vocabulary,” I muttered.
Mom laughed. “I’ll switch seats with you if you want.”
I shook my head and closed my eyes again. Hopefully, I can sleep for just a few minutes before we start cruising.



* * * * * * ** * * ** **
The next thing I know, Mom is shaking me awake. “We’re going to be landing soon sweetie,” she was whispering. “Time to wake up.”
I groaned and sat up. The little kid behind me wasn’t kicking me, so I assumed he was fast asleep. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Everyone was fastening their seat belts. Mom nudged me, so I figured that was my cue to buckle mine too.
Slowly, the plane started to descend. The trees slowly became visible, as did the buildings around the area. I saw the airport coming into view, and felt myself get excited. The plane was screeching along the runway. The kid behind me woke up and started crying.
The plane came to a sluggish stop. Everything suddenly seemed deathly quiet. Without warning, the pilot came on over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen we have reached our destination. Please take your luggage and leave the plane in an orderly fashion. Thank you!”
Mom stood up and pulled our suitcases off of the shelf above us. I took mine from her, and followed her off the plane. As soon as I stepped onto the platform, the bright sun hit my eyes. I squinted against it. “It’s brighter then I remember,” I said.
Mom smiled. “But we have a wonderful breeze today,” she said, pushing her hair out of her face. “It’s gorgeous outside! What a perfect day for a vacation.” She skipped down the platform like a child.

I followed after her. “So, um, where are we staying?” I asked, kicking at a pebble. We walked inside of the airport.
“Oh, I got us a hotel. I wish it was better though.” Mom walked up to security and placed all of her items on the conveyer belt. I did the same. “I always hate staying in Motel 6’s. They always smell like smoke.”
Honestly, I was utterly disappointed that we weren’t staying with Dad, but I wasn’t surprised. What on earth would make me think that there was even a possibility of us staying with him. We didn’t even come on this trip to see him. We came to get away for a while and just relax.
Mom pulled out her phone to call a cab. I hate cabs. Every cab I’ve ever ridden in was always gross or smelled weird, like nobody had ever cleaned it. Plus the drivers were really weird. The last cab I had ridden in, the driver didn’t speak one word of English. All he did was talk in mad fast Spanish the whole time we were in the car.
A few minutes later, the cab pulled up. It was really trashy looking and all beat up. Mom and I slid into the back seat. I nearly gagged because the cab stunk so badly.
Mom finally spoke up. “Can you take us to the Motel 6?” Mom asked the driver.
He grunted in reply. The driver was wearing a white undershirt with sweat stains on it, and a Kansas City Chiefs hat. I felt a pit growing in my stomach. I knew he probably hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning, and that he had probably worn that shirt at least three days in a row, a he might even have to wear it another few days too.
I looked out of my window and sighed. “How long until we get there?” I asked.
Mom looked up from the game she was playing on her phone. She shrugged. “Another 20 minutes or so,” she said, then immediately went back to her game.
The driver turned on the radio. One of my favorite songs came on, so I started humming to it. Suddenly, the driver turned around and glared at me. I stopped humming and went back to staring out the window.



* * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * ** *
I didn’t realize how heavy my bags were until I had to lug them up three flights of stairs.
Mom took out the key to our room. “Hurry up and unlock it!” I cried.
As soon as I heard the small click of the lock, I shoved my way through the door and threw my bags on the ground.. “Finally!” I gasped. “Those bags are so heavy!”
Mom laughed and set her bags on the ground. “Tell me about it.” She looked around. “Hmm, so what should we do first?”
I guess neither of us had really thought this through. Some vacation this was going to be if the entire town was poor. What I really wanted to do was go back to our old house and see if Dad was still living there, but I knew Mom would never go for it.
“Tell you what,” she said. “I’ll stay here and rest, and you can go see if Aspen is still living here. Didn’t she used to live about 10 blocks down from here?”
Suddenly I was excited. I hadn’t even spoken to Aspen since the move, so I practically knocked my mom over making a mad dash for the door.
I sprinted the 10 blocks to where Aspen lived. I was so excited to see her that I didn’t even notice that homes getting trashier and trashier as I ran down the street. That’s why I was so shocked when I reached her house.
The place looked like it hadn’t been lived in for years. The shingles on the roof was falling off, the boards around the house were loose, the windows were cracked, and the paint was chipping. I was suddenly afraid to take a step onto the walkway in case it crumbled away beneath my feet. Without warning, the front door opened, and a tall figure stepped out.
It was a girl. She was tall and thin. The girl had long, shiny blonde hair that fell about halfway down her back. Her eyes were a crystal blue and wide. She gazed at me. “Evelyn?” she finally asked.
I forced a smile. “Yah, it’s me Aspen.” I called. “Let’s go to the beach, just like we used to.”


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I kicked my bare foot at the sand surrounding me and looked up at Aspen. “So what’s been up lately?” I asked.
Aspen shrugged. “Nothin much. Mom’s been out a lot lately.”
I was shocked. “She still leaves you? How long is she usually gone for?”
Aspen shrugged again. “I dunno, maybe four days at a time.” She looked around. “It’s a nice day. Real beautiful.”
I slapped her thin arm. I couldn’t feel anything but skin and bone on it. “Aspen this is serious! Who watches you while she’s gone? Does your sister come home or do you stay with someone?”
Aspen looked confused. “No one. I stay on my own.” She bent over and picked up a small shell. “This is a nice shell. I wonder if any crabs have e’er lived in it.”
I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her up. “Okay, I’m not a lawyer or anything, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to leave your thirteen year old daughter at home unattended for four days. Aspen, you can’t go on living like this.”
She looked me straight in the eye. “Listen Evie, I ‘preciate your help and e’rything, but it ain’t none of your business. I’m perfectly fine livin’ on my own.” She looked out at the sunset. “Besides, I’ve got my boyfriend to keep me company. And a job. I’ve been workin’ up at Maisie’s Diner lately.”
Go figure. Aspen has always been the prettier friend in our relationship. She was the girl who had a different boyfriend every week, and went back to one guy eighty million times. Somehow, even with our town only having a population of maybe 500, she manages to find a boyfriend.
“That’s not the point Aspen!” I said, anger beginning to well up inside of me. Ever since we met, I had never been able to get a point across to Aspen very easily. It was almost as if she couldn’t process what I was saying.
She ignored me. “I’m ready to go,” Aspen said.
I looked at her and sneered. “I’m not.”
I made my way down the beach to the volleyball net. Aspen groaned and hesitated, but eventually chose to follow me. She ran to catch up with me.
I decided now was the time to pop the big question. “Have you seen my dad lately?” I asked nonchalantly. I prayed that I didn’t sound to eager.
Aspen didn’t seem to notice or care. “Yah, I’ve seen him ‘round town a couple of times. E’ry time I see him, I always say, ‘Hey Mr. Crowley! How you been doin’?’ and he always grunts in reply, like he don’t care ‘bout me no more.”
Honestly, I don’t think my father ever did care about Aspen. Every time Aspen came over he would tell me, “Come on Evelyn. You can get better friends than her. She’s white trash.” I always thought it to be an awful thing to say about my best friend, especially since she had almost no one besides me. Our family was almost like hers, because she never had a real, loving family.
“Is he still living in the same place?” I asked.
“Far as I know. I haven’t heard ‘bout no one movin’ out in a while. Mostly e’eryone’s settlin’ in here now. Their all getting’ used to the fact that there ain’t no more money, and that this is how people live now a days.” Aspen swung around the pole supporting the net. “I haven’t seen him with no one else either. Your dad must be awfully lonely since y’all left.”
I snorted. “Lonely? I doubt he even cares that we’re gone, because he hasn’t seemed to care enough to call me even once since we moved.” Tears were beginning to sting my eyes. “He never cared about us at all, not one little bit. And you know what Aspen? It was a good thing that we moved, ‘cause he would’ve just kept on not caring about us, and our home would’ve been one big circle of hate, because I sure as heck hate him right now!”
After I had finished my screaming fit, everything seemed deathly quiet. I smoothed my shirt out. “I’m ready to go now,” I said calmly. Aspen nodded and put her arm around. Together, we walked back to her house.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I pulled her front door open carefully. I was afraid that if I had pulled any hard, it would have fallen right off it’s hinges. The door was dirty looking, with paint chipping in places. The window on it was cracked, the screen torn up like a cat attacked it.

Her mom was standing in the kitchen wearing a faded flower-printed apron. She turned around when she heard the door screech open. Her mother was tall and thin, with dark brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her eyes were brown and sad. She looked almost nothing like Aspen. Aspen’s mother looked shocked when I walked in.

“Oh! Evelyn! Why are you… what are you doing…” She struggled to find the right words. “I thought you moved,” she finally said.

I nodded. “Good to see you Ms. Karlin. You’re looking well,” I said. Carefully, I slipped my shoes off so as not to get the house any more dirty. As if that was possible, I thought looking around. “We did move. Out to Colorado. But we came back for a, um, vacation.”

Her mother snorted. “Some vacation,” she muttered, turning back around.

Aspen touched my arm. “Let’s go upstairs.”

She led me over to a door that was barely attached to its hinges. She reached out and opened, and led me upstairs. I followed obediently.

As soon as I stood up, my head hit the ceiling. “Ow!” I cried, rubbing my head. Aspen didn’t even turn around. She walked right up to another door and opened it.

I shook off the pain and crawled the rest of the way up the stairs and into her room. Aspen was standing in front of a dresser that was small enough for an eight year old to use. I noticed her head was almost touching the ceiling. I didn’t remember that from the last time I was here.

“You grew,” I said flatly.

Aspen picked up and brush with about half of its bristles missing and began to brush her hair. “Yes, well, that does tend to happen.”

“You know what I mean,” I said, sitting down on her bed. I noticed she hasn’t gotten a new one since I left. It must be awfully small. “If you grow any more your head will hit the ceiling every time you stand up.”

Aspen slammed the hair brush down on the dresser. The whole dresser shook and looked about ready to topple over. “Can you stop worrying about me for like two seconds and take for granted the stuff you have? This is my life, so stop trying to control it! Who the heck do you think you are coming back after six months and acting like you are all that and telling me about how you guys do things in Colorado. Why don’t you just go back there if Colorado is so great? I’m sure you have plenty of other rich friends out there!”

I was in shock. Nobody has ever yelled at me like that before, especially not my best friend.

Aspen stomped over to her bedroom door and yanked it open. “Leave,” she commanded.

I sat there dumbly. How dare she kick me out!

“Now! Or are you gonna tell me about the Colorado way to kick people out?”

As soon as those words were out of her mouth, I was up and out. I trudged down the stairs. Ms. Karlin turned around. “Leaving already?” she asked.

Without answering her, I grabbed my shoes and pulled open the door. I stepped out onto the porch and slammed the door as hard as I could. I didn’t even care if it just fell off of its hinges, or if it took the whole house down with it. Maybe leaving here was the smartest thing Mom has done in a while, I thought as I sprinted down the street to the hotel. Maybe my life wasn’t as perfect as I thought it was.

* * * * * * * * *My mom was reading a parenting magazine when I stomped in. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and she had her reading glasses on. She glanced up slightly when I walked in. “Hey honey,” she said, eyes glued to her magazine. “Did you meet up with Aspen? How did it go?”

I slammed the door in response and dove under the covers of the hotel bed. A mint laying on the pillow rolled off and decided to hide with me.

I heard Mom put her magazine down. The chair creaked as she got out of it. She shuffled over to me slowly and put her hand on the covers where my shoulder was. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked soothingly.

I moaned.

“I was going to suggest that we go to Maisie’s to eat tonight, but I guess you’re not in the mood.” I heard her pick up her magazine. “What do you say?”

For a brief moment, I was happy, remembering how Maisie’s was always my favorite place to eat out. Then I remembered that Aspen worked there, and I got angry all over again.

I grunted. “Aspen works there,” I said into my pillow.

At first I didn’t know if Mom had heard me or not, considering it probably sounded like mush all muffled by my pillow and everything, but she must have because she clicked her tongue.

“Oh, Evelyn,” she muttered, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “You can’t just hide from your problems. You’ve got to face them head on, talk it out. If we went to Maisie’s tonight, you might see Aspen there, and you two could talk this over and make up. How about that?”

I pulled the covers away from my face and looked up at my mom suspiciously. “You’re not that deep,” I said. “You just got that from your parenting magazine.”

Mom smiled and held her hands up apologetically. “You caught me. But Evie, I’ve really been craving one of there old fashioned hamburgers lately.”

I smiled and hugged her. “And I’ve been craving their milkshakes. Let’s go.”




* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Mom called a cab, and it drove us over to Maisie’s, which layed at the very edge of town.

Maisie’s was one of those places that had a giant old fashioned clock on the outside of it. On the inside, it had checkered floor tiles, a soda fountain, 50’s music playing, and waitresses serving food on roller skates. The best part about Maisie’s Diner was whenver you ordered a milkshake, the waitress would stand on the booth, balance the glass on your head, and pour the milkshake. If they spilled it, you got the shake for free.

We were seated immedietly in a booth near the back of the diner. Mom gave me a nickel to choose song from the big jukebox.

I watched as the waitresses glided around the diner on their roller skates, making everything seem so easy. A little kid in a corner of the diner spilled her chocolate milk, and a blonde waitess zoomed by me with a mop to clean it up. Suddenly, I longed to join them.

I sat back down with mom after a few minutes and waited to be served. Mom looked around anxiously, as if it was awkward sitting here with me. “So,” she finally asked, deciding to break the silence. “How is it being back…” She searched for the correct word and failed. “Home?”

Horrible! It’s horrible and I want to go back to Colorado, where everything is normal and everyone’s middle class. While my mind was ranting, I faked a smile and said, “Great. It’s awesome.”

I looked around, my eyes grazing the room, searching for a waitress to flag down.

The bell on the door jangled as someone walked in. Naturally, my eyes floated over to see who entered. I gasped so loudly, everyone within a three table radius turned around.

Mom smacked my hand and shushed me.


“But Mom!” I whispered, pointing at the soda fountain. “It’s him!”

Mom choked on her water and turned to look in the general direction in which I was pointing. Sure enough, there he was, sitting at the fountain drinking a Coke, just like I remembered him doing when I was little. My father.

Mom sat there stuttering. “But… but… how is he… I didn’t know… Evelyn, what is he doing here?” she finally managed to ask. “If this is one of your delusional schemes…”

“Mom, I swear, I don’t know what he’s doing here,” I said, turning back to her. “I didn’t even think of the fact that me and him used to come here all the time.”

Mom squinted her eyes at me then turned to look at him again. “Oh dear,” she muttered, and then stood up and started gathering her things. “Forget this. We can go somewhere else for dinner. Right now we have to…”

“Hello,” someone said.

Mom and I both turned to look to see who it was.

“Hello Jeffery,” Mom said, nodding towards my father. “You look well. How’si t going?”

Dad smiled and looked down at me. “It’s been quiet. How are you Evie?”

My face got red, and I was suddenly embarrassed. “Good,” I said. “I’ve been settling into school.”

“Great,” Dad said, squeezing my shoulder. “Have you made a lot of friends?”

For some reason, I was uncomfortable talking to my father. “Um, I guess.”

Dad smiled again. “That’s my girl. I knew it wouldn’t take you long to make some friends.”

Mom shifted her weight, looking uncomfortable as well. “We really have to be going,” Mom said. “We ate a lot and have to get ready for bed.”

Suddenly, the waitress came up from behind my father with a giant tray of food. “Here’s your order,” she said to us.

I smacked my hand to my face. “Could you have timed it any worse?” I mumbled.

“What’s that honey?” Dad said to me.

I cringed when he said that. “Nothing,” I hissed. “I’m just really tired.”

Dad sat down next to me in our booth. He motioned for Mom to sit as well. Hesitantly, she did.

The waitress placed all of our food on the table and smiled at us. “Anything else?”

Mom ignored her and stared down at her lap. I did the same.

“Why are you guys so quiet?” Dad asked. “You need to tell me what’s been going on. Why are you guys here anyway?”

“Vacation,” I mumbled.

Dad smiled. “When were you going to come by?”

“Where?” Mom asked.

Dad looked confused. “To see me, of course. You weren’t just going to come to town and not see me were you?”

Mom picked at her fingernails. “Well,” she said under her breath. “That was the plan.”

Dad looked hurt. “Evie, you were going to come right?”

I shook my head. I really wanted to ask him why I would want to see him if he didn’t want to call me. “I came to give something to Grandma.”

“Oh. Well,” Dad said, looking sad. He stared at a scratch on the table. “What were you going to give her?”

“A picture,” I said.

He smiled a little. “Good. I see that you are into art again. You were always so talented. I never understood why you stopped.”

“Because the world stopped.”

“Excuse me?” Dad asked.

I shrugged. “What is there to paint when nothings around except closed business’s and broken homes? I certainly wouldn’t buy a painting of a sad world.”

“Some people might. The world is a strange place, the people stranger.”

Mom sat there silently, nibbling at her hamburger. Her eyes flickered back and forth between Dad and me.

“I’m sure your grandmother would love the painting if she were here,” Dad said, trying to lighten the mood. “She always did love your artwork.”

“Why did she tell you? Or did you just assume that everything was jolly good?” I asked, suddenly feeling a bit angry. “You haven’t even seen the painting. How do you know if it’s any good? It’s just been sitting under my bed collecting dust for the past few months, just like everything that came from here.”

Everything abruptly got quiet. Like, scary quiet. I looked around to make sure no one was looking.

“Now Evelyn,” my dad said, his voice low. “Let’s keep our voice down. People will start staring.”

I felt myself getting angry again. “When have you ever cared about what people think? When have you ever cared about anyone else? You certainly didn’t care about us when we left. You didn’t come after us, or try to stop us, or even call to talk to me.”

“Evelyn,” my dad said.

“No,” I said. “That’s what really makes me mad. You didn’t even call. It’s like once we were gone, you completely wiped us from your memory. I can’t believe you didn’t even call.”

“Evie, honey,” Mom said. “It’s not like that…”

“How do you know? You haven’t talked to him any more then I have since we left. It’s just as much your fault as it is his. You didn’t want him to have any part in my life. You never suggested that I call him, and I was always to afraid to, just in case he wasn’t there anymore. But guess what? He’s still here, and evil as ever, barging into our conversation and our dinner and our lives and…”

“I didn’t give him our phone number,” Mom said.

I felt like I had been slapped across the face. “Wha… what?”

Mom took a deep breath and put her hamburger down. “I didn’t give him our phone number,” she repeated. “Because I needed to some time to cool off.”

I sat there silently, letting everything sink in. “But… why?” I asked. “I… I really needed to talk to him.”

“I know. I can see that now,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were this upset, or that you would blow up like this once we did see him.” Mom twirled her hair around her finger. “I was going to have you call him once I cooled off. Honest. But then you started asking about him, and figuring everything out and…”

“You know?” Dad asked. “Man, this is a relief. I thought you didn’t know about the divorce.”

I put my hand up. “Shut up. Mom’s talking,” I said.

“And I’m sorry,” she finished. “I just got angry all over again once you started asking about him.” Mom dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “I really am sorry Evie.”

“So I’ve been hating Dad for all these months, when he didn’t even have our phone number,” I said, figuring everything out. “I feel like crap.”

Mom nodded. “It’s all my fault Evelyn. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

I stood up. “I want to go home,” I said.

Mom stood up to, gathering her things again. “Okay. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

I shook my head. “No. I want to go back to Colorado.”

“But… but we just got here,” Mom said. “We’re supposed to spend the whole week out here, just having fun.”

I snorted. “Yah, I’m having a lot of fun,” I said sarcastically.

“Evie, dear, we’re on vacation. Let’s just go back to the hotel and chill out,” Mom said, trying to comfort me.

“Some vacation this is,” I said, quoting Mrs. Karlin. I turned and walked out of the diner.

A few minutes later, Mom came out of the diner. “I called a cab,” she said. “It’ll be here soon.”

I ignored her and sat down on the curb. I kicked at a small pebble.

Mom sat down beside me and pulled her parenting magazine out of her purse. “I really am sorry Evelyn,” she said after a minute. “I never meant to hurt you.”

I nodded. “I know,” I said. “But you did. And you can’t take it back.”

She sighed. “I know. That’s the worse part about screwing up.”

“Welcome to my life,” I muttered, kicking the pebble again. “Just remember this the next time I screw up.”

Mom smiled. “You have one ‘Get out of Jail Free Card’,” she said. “Deal?”

I looked up at her and smiled back. “Deal,” I said, shaking her hand. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t just let me call him.”

Mom shrugged. “I don’t either,” she said. “I guess I was just thinking one thought, and not wanting to believe it was the wrong choice.” She pushed her hair out of her face. “But I guess it was.”

The cab pulled up, saving me from any other conversation. I stood up and climbed in the backseat and placed my head against the headrest. Mom climbed in after me.

“Where ‘ya goin’?” the driver asked Mom.

“To the Super 8,” she said. “Then to the airport. And hurry please. We have to get a ticket to Colorado immediately.”

* * * * * * * *
About two months later, we got out of school for the summer. It felt good knowing I had survived my first year of middle school.

One day, Destinie and I were laying on my bed, flipping through the yearbook. We were playing one of out favorite games, picking out the people we thought were pretty, and then telling a story about them.

I had picked out a few girls and a couple of my friends, telling a bunch of funny stories about each.

Destinie pointed to a small picture. “I think she’s really pretty,” Destinie said.

I squinted down and the tiny picture and realized she was pointing to my school photo. I shrugged. “She annoys me,” I said, flipping to the next page.

Destinie scanned her eys over the page. “Really?” she asked. “I think she’s a really great person. She’s really funny, smart, pretty, and unique. Evelyn’s one in a million.”

I smiled. “When someone say’s your one in a million, that means there is six thousand other people just like you. Way to make Evelyn seem important.”

“Well, just think. If you were standing in Times Square in New York City, wouldn’t it be cool knowing that somewhere in the city you had a twin?” Destinie asked, grinning. “To me, it’s absolutely fascinating.”

“To me, it’s bogus,” I said.

Destinie smiled and hugged me. “Ugh, Evie. You are impossible.” She patted my shoulder. “I love you.”

I hugged her back. “Love you too, Dessie.”

That’s when I realized that maybe Wisconsin wasn’t my home. Maybe Wisconsin had never been my home. Maybe Colorado was just where I belonged.

“You’re my best friend Destinie,” I said.

“Well, I better be,” she said. “Because you’re my best friend too.”

Yes. I belonged here, right next to Destinie, Mango, Lizzy, Ellie, Alicia, and all my other friends.




* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I wish I could say everything in my life turned out perfect. But it didn’t.

I never ended up going out with Dane. Actually, a few weeks after I got back, he came up to me with a bunch of his friends and made fun of me, saying they wished that I would’ve stayed in Wisconsin, because I was a good for nothing redneck. I cried for hours in my room, talking on the phone with Destinie, telling her the whole thing. The next day she was suspended for beating Dane up.

I never did end up having a relationship with my father after the whole diner incident. I mean, yes, I did go out to visit him over the summer and on breaks, but it was always awkward, like he didn’t trust me after I had admitted to hating him because he never called. And for the most part, even after we gave him our phone number, he never did call, except on holidays and my birthday.

Mom ended up getting remarried. She found a boyfriend three months after we came back from our vacation. He was one of her classmates at the community college, and was named Drake. They went on dates every Friday and Saturday night. Drake proposed to her a year after they began dating, and Mom said yes. Truthfully, I loved Drake and was happy for both of them.

Kaylee ended up spreading millions of more rumors about me, such as: “Evelyn smokes.” “Evelyn’s dating Jack.” “Evelyn’s screwing with people’s relationships.” But I just stopped caring. She was scum, and not worth my time.

I never ended up talking to Aspen again. I called her house a few times, but she was never there. Even when I gave her mom my number and told her to tell Aspen to call me, I never received one call from them. I eventually stopped trying, and figured that Aspen wasn’t worth any of my time either.

Dad never got remarried. Every summer when I went out to visit him, he wouldn’t even have a girlfriend. When I asked him about it, he always told me he never had time. When I asked about Aspen, he said she never said hi to him anymore. The worst part was him making comments about Mom. He’d trash talk her right in front of me, even when I would tell him to stop. He’d always tell me to shut up. About a year after we visited him, he developed a drinking problem and had to go through counseling.

So here you go Mr. Garza. I finished my book. I hope you will show this to another girl who moves here, and is all alone. Make sure she knows that I’m her friend. Make sure she reads this, cover to cover. But most of all, make sure she survives sixth grade. After that, she’s home free.