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Birthday Candles
December 28, 2011
The three decker cake stood before me on the table
All thirteen candles lit and waiting,
The wax melting and fading,
And the base plunged into the goodness of vanilla icing
As the spotlight birthday song continued to be sung.
Once it’s over, the candles seem to get brighter,
Smiles seem to get wider,
And the balloons seem to get lighter
As I stare at the round, sugary cake.
I can feel everybody’s eyes on me,
Beckoning my wish to come and blow out the candles,
So that the mocking cake can be devoured.
I can’t think of my wish or how to put it in words;
I feel pressured with all the family’s and camera’s eyes
Poised on me with expectance.
The icing covered cake sweats on the table,
And within seconds I make up my mind
I take a deep breath and blow 12 flaming candles out
And on the 13th I whisper softly,
'I blew out my birthday candles
And wished for you.'
© Meghan T., Scottsdale, AZ
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 189 comments.
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 27 2012 at 6:50 pm
lol thanks!
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND said...
on Jan. 26 2012 at 9:54 am
This was really, really good. I loved the imagery, it was like I was there. Great job!
EthanCalhoun PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 25 2012 at 5:36 pm
really well written, i liked this poem alot
LonelyDancer GOLD said...
on Jan. 25 2012 at 10:10 am
This was really, really well written. It was easy to imagine yourself there, like aninvisible person watching the sceene unfold. As someone said above of below me (Not sure which) One of my favorite parts whas when you wrote about hte candles getting brighter and the balloons getting lighter, I've noticed the same thing always seems to happen and you captured that perfectly. My favorite line has to be the last one though, it summed the poem up beautifully, an extra sparkly ow to tie up the perfect package.
KarlynDavis BRONZE said...
on Jan. 24 2012 at 7:04 pm
This was AMAZING!!
_ella_herondale BRONZE said...
on Jan. 24 2012 at 5:59 pm
I really liked this. I thought it was cute, but also serious. It also had some humor in it that made it fun to read. Nice!
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 23 2012 at 4:17 pm
aww! thanks =)
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 8:26 pm
:D thanks!
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 8:26 pm
Thank you! =) and sure! I'm going to right now! :)
Simple_Minds BRONZE said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 6:57 pm
Wow, I usually don't like poems but that was good.
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 6:41 pm
Thank you :)....and this poem is supposed to be a sudden, unexpected, and surprising poem. It's dedicated to someone, and i wanted to surprise them with it, especially with the ending. What do you mean by "more original way"?
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 6:38 pm
Thank you!
marissadele PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 6:37 pm
Thats what i was aiming for, an unexpected ending. It's actually to someone, as you can see with the dedication, and so i wanted it to be surprising for them. When they read it, i didn't want them to know until the end that i wished for them. It was a surprise =)
I like the majority of this poem - it keeps me in good suspense and has some interesting images. I think my favorite lines are the set "the candles seem to get brighter....the balloons..." because they build the suspense really well. The transition to "the mocking cake" seems a little sudden, but I don't know if that's a negative thing or not. It sort of works with the poem, just something to know. The second half of the poem loses a little of the impact, mostly because of lines "I feel pressured....with expectance" - Is there a more original way you can word this? There's a pretty stark difference between that line and "the icing covered cake" line - the icing-covered-cake line is so original and image-provoking and I'd love more of that in the other two.
To Noah,
I will always be wishing for you.