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Quietly
I made a mistake with you
You made me feel safe for awhile
Helped me let me let down my walls
I told you about the past that haunts me
Thinking I was doing something good for myself
Your false “love” hurt me, broke me, made me feel worse
Why did I think I could have you and not let silver kiss my skin
It all bled together
I told you things I can’t take back
Secrets of the night
Secrets hidden in my mind
Things that shouldn’t of been brought to light
Demons haunt my mind
All day, all night
What led me to believe you were so perfect
When truly you're imperfect as imperfect can be
I found you, I had you, I let you go
Now only silver can get me through the night
The water stings my skin
What I thought no one could see, everyone could
My silver was supposed to be a secret
But I let a friend in
It’s spiraled downhill since
Don’t know what to do anymore
In the beginning I was hoping my secret wouldn’t be discovered
Everyone thinks I’m better
How I wish that were true
But silver is my lover again
How I now wish someone would see
Would help me
But it’s gone unnoticed
Will it ever be caught
The broken skin and rigid red bumps
Hiding in plain sight but hidden all the same
Too busy for me or to blind to see
Do I want to be caught or let it be swept away
Blood drips down my stomach
Down my sides
But I’ll suffer quietly
So as not to trouble anybody
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True story. I don't know how I felt about my friend going to the counselors but I'd come to terms with it. Last night, August 24, 2018 was the worst night I've had in a long time. Lost my streak that had lasted all summer except for one time I couldn't help it. Every time I've nicked my skin while shaving I have struggled so hard not to cut. Last night I didn't even have to nick my knee. I just went for the "silver" and it happened.