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Him & Him

January 15, 2010
By electrichearts SILVER, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey
More by this author
electrichearts SILVER, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together. "

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Commandments stone on slave-prince mountain maul
Less pay rebuke from quiet burdens pained
Thy new deems obsolete hath heaven call
Weeping doves cast crimson, edicts inane
Virtuous bride veneer exalting fifth
Wed tender beguil’d hands dearth commonplace
Forsake poor ills cherishing dev’lish sift
Abstract His binding ring; expunge thy grace
Hath said adoration shall relish flaws
Perhaps claimed forth heeding His hail and beck
Yet so accept tragedies, tender claws
Vehement joys s’rrounding thy face and neck?
Discern, breed sheep, elude, lest He appease
Exist no truer words abode of these

The author's comments:
This was written about a battered wife, who fears to leave her husband due to her commitment to God and religion, public scorn, and her husband. It does not take place in any specific place or time as such women have almost always and as long as partnerships have existed, suffered in silence. It tries to say that despite the Bible's intention to promote peace, love, and devotion in marriage, the social bind can also destroy when a spouse becomes abusive.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 111 comments.

Tongue_Blep PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 14 2011 at 2:33 pm
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 769 comments
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It was an awesome poem!!! Great job! i just wrote two stories called nightstalker and the beast. If any of u read them please post comments if u liked them or not or if i should change anything. Thanks! :D
Antoinette16 GOLD said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 5:54 pm
Antoinette16 GOLD, Ringgold, Georgia
12 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible" Taylor Swift :)

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This is great, I had to read it a couple of times to understand it, but it's amazing.
Lola_Black GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 4:22 pm
Lola_Black GOLD, Harrison, Michigan
11 articles 2 photos 276 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I've always been famous. It's just everybody's just now finding out." --Lady Gaga

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I feel kind-of dumb, since I had to read it a few times to get it. And even then, I still needed the side caption or I would still be confused. But, it's beautiful. The words just flow together, you know? Whether you know what it's saying or not, it still sounds right.
emanmkhan SILVER said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 1:58 pm
emanmkhan SILVER, Austin, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.\" Maya Angelou

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Wait a sec, this isn't in the print magazine?!
emanmkhan SILVER said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 1:54 pm
emanmkhan SILVER, Austin, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.\" Maya Angelou

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You are gifted, my friend.
The~Watcher said...
on Jun. 2 2011 at 9:54 am
Mmm... I'm not quite sure that the author understands all the words. I mean, maybe she has a general idea, but doesn't quite get what part of speech they are or typical connotations. I knew what all the words meant, but they were strung together in a way that didn't make much sense.
oswinnnn GOLD said...
on May. 30 2011 at 11:23 pm
oswinnnn GOLD, Byron Center, Michigan
17 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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This left me absolutely speechless. You have an amazing talent. Don't give it up. 

 

kdtodd BRONZE said...
on May. 19 2011 at 12:17 pm
kdtodd BRONZE, Paw Paw, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
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I really love this poem! It is really good!
AndySixxLover GOLD said...
on May. 10 2011 at 8:10 pm
AndySixxLover GOLD, Weatherford, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
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Some of the words were BIG but it was good

 

Dominicano_Loco PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 28 2011 at 1:18 pm
Dominicano_Loco PLATINUM, Spotsylvania, Virginia
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Sorry to say but the wording is very complicated. It appears to have a story and some meaning behind it, but the complicated wording takes alot away from readers such as myself.
* Lovin Sbeeee said...
on Feb. 3 2011 at 4:20 pm
I have no idea what any of that says. Umm. Dictionary Pleaase>?
marlina said...
on Dec. 17 2010 at 6:51 pm
so touching! this belongs in the magazine
Marlyre PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 10 2010 at 9:37 pm
Marlyre PLATINUM, Kalamazoo, Michigan
21 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
"when you cry, do you waste your tears?" Madonna

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WOW, diction so elaborate and language woven to suit the times of biblical birth, great! i have a sonnett in pending, but could you read some of my stuff?
anime18 SILVER said...
on May. 15 2010 at 7:28 pm
anime18 SILVER, Brampton, Other
7 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
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I WISH I COULD HAVE SUCH PASSION IN MY WRITTING
CreativeScript PLATINUM said...
on May. 8 2010 at 4:07 pm
CreativeScript PLATINUM, Port Hardy, Other
26 articles 0 photos 13 comments
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This is really good! I liked how professionally and well written this is.

CHECK OUT MY STORIES: Driving Drunk & Ouiji Board if you like HORROR & PERSONAL LIFE EXPERIENCES!

kread18 DIAMOND said...
on May. 6 2010 at 11:57 pm
kread18 DIAMOND, Berkeley, California
65 articles 0 photos 33 comments
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thank the lord, a sonnet in the sonnet section!! and a darn good one that that... i can never get my words to work out this way. You've definitely mastered the art of language, and your message is amazing. this needs to be in the printed magazine!
BlueInk94 PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 26 2010 at 8:45 am
BlueInk94 PLATINUM, Valley Park, Missouri
30 articles 0 photos 75 comments
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Shakespeare  sonnets were meant to be interpreted in various ways. One of them may have used metaphors. But this poem is undeniably AMAZING! I always have trouble using the rhyme schemes withoutloosing the overall meaning. ITS INSPIRING!

 

electrichearts SILVER said...
on Apr. 21 2010 at 6:45 pm
electrichearts SILVER, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together. "

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An extended metaphor is not a characteristic of a Shakespearean sonnet. ;)
Milo! said...
on Apr. 3 2010 at 10:46 pm
There's no extended metaphor in the second quatrain. There should be one since I'm assuming you're writing a shaekspearean sonnet
electrichearts SILVER said...
on Mar. 8 2010 at 4:53 pm
electrichearts SILVER, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in suicide, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together. "

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haha you're very kind :)