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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 2183 comments.
4lyfebasketball said...
on Oct. 21 2008 at 5:17 pm
I thought your poem was amazing, and for those who said you didn't like the message, or it could have been better... poetry is a release of emotions... and it takes a lot of time and motivation to put out a good piece of work, so if you didn't like it, don't comment it, because who are you to critzise his feelings and thoughts that were put into this piece of work? It was good enough to be put inot this magazine wasnt it?
Jenovapuppet said...
on Oct. 21 2008 at 4:51 pm
wow,I write poetry as well.And let me tell you,this really inspired me!
fallingfromfire said...
on Oct. 21 2008 at 1:46 pm
i really like this poem. good job with the rhyming, that can be really hard and i really like the message in the poem :3
murph said...
on Oct. 21 2008 at 12:29 am
hey this is really good check mine out it's called suzy-day it's on the recent poems list thanks
ClaireBear722 said...
on Oct. 20 2008 at 3:04 pm
This is soo good girl
Amertie said...
on Oct. 19 2008 at 8:25 pm
I love the idea. The only problem I had was the rhyming feels awkward at some points. I think that, if your choices are forced rhyming and no rhyming whatsoever, it's better to go without rhyming. But overall, this is really nice.
Tess Brooks said...
on Oct. 19 2008 at 4:03 pm
Totally loved your poem, and the title. Makes me feel like I'm not the only person in the world trying to break free from Daddy's bonds. Keep writing.
Tess Brooks said...
on Oct. 18 2008 at 3:19 pm
I dunno why people say they don't like this poem, 'cause it rocks. Some people will say I'm just happy and diluted and i think everything in the world is good and pure, 'cause,you know, I'm only 11. This poem kinda reminds my of a poem of my own, Farwell Daytime Prison. But 'cause I'm 11 I've got to wate another 2 years 2 submit it to teen ink, so see ya then.
cool_scorpio said...
on Oct. 17 2008 at 4:22 pm
Well i agree with some...the birdie thing was a little silly... and the whole thing just didn't flow.. it sounded a bit fake...and the whole thing just stretched so much... this is just my opinion... i am sorry but i just don't see anything in this poem
VanillaRose said...
on Oct. 16 2008 at 2:02 pm
honestly..i did not like this poem as such, i found it rather disturbing and even so poorly expressed.Sorry if im being a little too harsh , it's just my opinion.=D
nickki_nick said...
on Oct. 15 2008 at 7:00 pm
i believe ur poem is totally dude cause of how i could imagain how u was feeling when u wrote it thats how awsome it was
Neko said...
on Oct. 15 2008 at 3:23 pm
Personally, the word choice (Birdie) made it seem ,to me, like a children's poem. I also suggest capitalizing the I's and the beginning letter of each line, grammmer is an important part of peotry as well, not just the rhymes.
katierosee said...
on Oct. 15 2008 at 3:23 am
this is really amazing. i can tell u put a lot of work into it. i just hope i can write half as well as u one day.
c.c. said...
on Oct. 14 2008 at 11:08 pm
hey guys,
Just checked my email...recived a lot from Teen Ink. Thanks for your comments, both good and bad. If you have poems you want me to respond to, let me know. I'm in college, so I know how to give good feedback. Leave your links in the comments box like Courtney Renee did. Enjoy life, keep writing, peace. =P
Just checked my email...recived a lot from Teen Ink. Thanks for your comments, both good and bad. If you have poems you want me to respond to, let me know. I'm in college, so I know how to give good feedback. Leave your links in the comments box like Courtney Renee did. Enjoy life, keep writing, peace. =P
katcullen said...
on Oct. 14 2008 at 1:49 pm
WOW that is really really good.. reminds me of me and my dad
Mona said...
on Oct. 14 2008 at 2:43 am
This poem is really remarkable, I think it's unique in its own way.I really feel connected to this poem.
chelsie said...
on Oct. 13 2008 at 9:47 pm
I love this poem!
nonelse said...
on Oct. 13 2008 at 1:22 pm
i really liked this poem, but i didn't really like that part about being bound..i didn't really get it....
blowwnawaytoday said...
on Oct. 13 2008 at 4:50 am
um some parts of this poem were really awkward..like the line about the birdie. i think you're trying too hard to make it sound good and it doesnt really flow. but obviously other people enjoy i dunno i just really get nothing from it
Thanks again for all the feedback, but I do have some of my own. When commenting on poems try not to make enemies... Some things you should respond to are: meter, line, rhyme (types), form, diction, image, theme, tone, allusion, alliteration, repetition, and etc. The list goes on and on. Support your statement. Ask questions.
I just got the magazine with this poem in it in the mail. Thanks Teen Ink. Pysched, Carl