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Daddy's Womb MAG
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
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This article has 2183 comments.
Simply put, why are teens on here always trying to determine what’s wrong or right about the poem instead of interrupting it—that’s how workshops work… You tell me what you got from it…I listen…I then edit attentively, based on the understanding you got, and the one I want to communicate to you. And the closer you get to my interruption…the more successful the poem whether you like or agree with the content/form or not.
You have no idea how much tolerance I have…I ignored foolish comments since August because I know you’re teens! But wouldn’t you rather know how you’re responses can mature? Don’t misunderstand me! I’ve welcomed all the comments whether I agree with them or not! There are, in fact, some comments I disagree with that are understandable.
But my overall mistake was expecting and/or trying to demand constructive and literary criticism from others who may not have had the opportunity to analyze the craft as much as me. I mean no disrespect, and please don’t misinterpret me.
But here we are so far off track from the purpose of TeenInk. Do you have a poem I can read?
P.S. I can tell that you actually give a dam. Thank you.
Excuse any grammatical errors—I am way too tired.
The number one way to tick a writer off—any writer off—is to tell them what they mean instead of what you took from it!
That's the whole point of feedback! You tell the author what you think of how it's written. If you only want people to say "oh I love it, it's awesome." Don't put your work up for people to comment on. Not all comments will praise your work.
and stop leaving comments saying you don't like the rhyme scheme or how it's formatted. does it really, honestly matter? he was just putting his feelings into a poem, like most of the people here, and you're going to say you don't like it's format? no. if i wrote this, i'd say "okay and i care why?..."
we're not professionals here. we're TEENAGERS. we don't have to try and impress anybody. we are just living our lives and writing our hearts out. isn't that enough for you? you know without having to use proper english throughout...anything and everything?
:)
oh and i LIKED the poem, by the way. i can relate.
PS: Yo, crich897, is ma gwamer wong dud, "i" dnt dink so.
Not to mention the 12 capitalized I's made me want to cry. I don't think this should've been published like that. No self respecting publisher that I'm aware of would allow this to get through like that.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73993/For-Christian/ <--- I'm sickened by that one...still kind of bitter about that break up.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73986/Blindsided-By-Betrayal/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73987/Coming-To-Terms/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73988/Failing-Fate/
Just FYI I know some of these are emo sounding or overly emotional in other ways but strong emotions tend to bring out my writing.
And as a literary mag person I strongly suggest you check out nanowrimo.org its pretty cool. Our chatroom is pretty awesome too.