Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2183 comments.


on Oct. 17 2012 at 12:11 pm
guillermo123 BRONZE, Kansas City, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
hi

I liked that you used the word I, it gives the reader a better understanding of your personal experience.

on Oct. 17 2012 at 9:56 am
NoMercy666 BRONZE, Goose Creek, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It aint no sin to be glad you're alive." -Springsteen

Your poem has a nice idea but the rhyming factor limits it greatly. Avoiding end rhyme could probably help expand the point your poem is trying to make.

on Oct. 14 2012 at 3:30 pm
AmericanMoth BRONZE, Lilburn, Georgia
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
I like quotes. Quotes are cool.

What can I say that hasn't already been said? This is gorgeous!! This is the type of poetry that will be printed in textbooks for the next generation to read. 

SaKarias said...
on Oct. 10 2012 at 9:14 am
SaKarias, Reykjavík, Other
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -Ghandi

I really liked this poem, it was so sensitive and dramatic. It was so realistic, the second verse was the one that really caught my attention. I really liked the rythm and the rhyme. Maybe you would like to check the grammar, but I hope you keep on writing. Because you just got yourself a new fan! :)

Teemie BRONZE said...
on Oct. 9 2012 at 8:29 pm
Teemie BRONZE, Fayette, Mississippi
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful - Eric Thomas

Very Beautiful

Jennna BRONZE said...
on Oct. 9 2012 at 1:01 pm
Jennna BRONZE, Fairhope, Alabama
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments
beautiful. 

on Sep. 29 2012 at 8:30 pm
taylor_baby07 BRONZE, Manvel, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
believe in your self and you can do anything.

Loved it!!!! one of my favs!  

on Sep. 26 2012 at 3:21 pm
Andrew121957 SILVER, Rockingham, North Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Love<3 :D

on Sep. 23 2012 at 10:52 am
sweetheart1998 BRONZE, Lees Summit Mo, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
ones you lose yourself , its beautiful thing when you find yourself again . Sometimes you turn out even stronger .

i really love this !

on Sep. 22 2012 at 11:35 pm
Prehistoric-Fool GOLD, Wellesley, Massachusetts
16 articles 2 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Every path is the right path. Everything could&rsquo;ve been anything else. And it would have just as much meaning.&rdquo;<br /> &mdash;<br /> Nemo Nobody

That's a bit too harsh, but I do agree about the rhyme scheme... That one "as I gazed at the birdie" immediately deflated my original expectation of such a high rated poem.
Overall, however, I really like the way this poem conveyed what it wanted to say- and the message that came with it. Yes, it could have been better written, but it is still a good poem.

on Sep. 22 2012 at 7:59 pm
JNikole15 BRONZE, Rockville, Maryland
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Dreams are what keep us going when real life lets us down.&quot;

This is amazing...I totally understand the feelings

on Sep. 21 2012 at 5:17 pm
Emily_Greene GOLD, Spring Valley, California
10 articles 0 photos 41 comments
Very nice and from an innocent point of view.

JadaA said...
on Sep. 21 2012 at 1:53 pm
JadaA, Atlanta, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A life spent making mistakes is not only honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.&quot;

this poem is awesome... it really made me think!

on Sep. 19 2012 at 12:29 pm
SHEWHOBELIEVED GOLD, Tomah, Wisconsin
17 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;To love, for us men, is to clasp one woman with our arms, feeling that she lives and breathes just as we do, suffers as we do, thinks with us, loves with us, and, above all, sins with us.&quot;<br /> Baroness Orczy

i really find this to be different and uniqe. please check me out sometime too. At SHEWHOBELIEVED

on Sep. 17 2012 at 9:39 pm
CelebrateDifferences, Long Island, New York
0 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Gods of Olympus.&rdquo; Piper stared at Leo. &ldquo;What happened to you?&rdquo;<br /> His hair was greased back. He had welding goggles on his forehead, a lipstick mark on his cheek, tattoos all over his arms, and a T-shirt that read HOT STUFF, BAD BOY, and TEAM LEO.<br /> &ldquo;Long story,&rdquo; he said.&rdquo;

I agree with Miss_Lady, this poem makes you want to go on adventures!

on Sep. 17 2012 at 6:14 pm
shapeshifter56 GOLD, Cave Creek, Arizona
14 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Instead of waiting for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.&quot;<br /> --Unknown Author

We actually studied your poem in English class! How crazy is that? I was thinking, "I recognize this from somewhere...oh my gosh! It's from teenink!" Anyways, I love this poem. I didn't get it at first, but the more I read it, the more I like it. Great job!

on Sep. 16 2012 at 9:41 am
Miss_Lady SILVER, Cairo, New York
6 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.&quot;

I found this very imaginative and original. I love poems written this way. It makes me feel like a little girl again on an adventure, ready to do and try anything. I think that as we grow older we grow more cautious when sometimes we just need to take a big leap. This poem was very inspiring.

Dan.Kelly95 said...
on Sep. 14 2012 at 11:02 am
Ahh this was deep.

Kevin.leal95 said...
on Sep. 14 2012 at 10:51 am
Kevin.leal95, South Bound Brook, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
TOTALLY!!!!!

on Sep. 14 2012 at 10:44 am
feliciaannbro3, South Bound Brook, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i know right !?!?!?!?!?!