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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2183 comments.
feliciaannbro3 said...
on Sep. 14 2012 at 10:40 am
omg this was amazing! i love it <3
I found this really painful to read. I mean I think if you are going to make a poem that rhymes at least come up with some better rhymes. You could use some assonance or some slant rhymes, you didn't have to be so blunt. This really reminded me of a bad childrens book.
SharplyDull SILVER said...
on Sep. 7 2012 at 5:14 pm
I really like this. Really, this is what real poetry is. I applaud you for making something both readable, understandable, and with a deep philosophical side. I truly enjoyed reading this, and I hope that you get more published.
SophiaGilbert SILVER said...
on Sep. 6 2012 at 2:59 pm
this poem is really well thought out. it brings up so many images. great job! could you check out my poem "actions of the past" ?
Raven_Rayne SILVER said...
on Sep. 3 2012 at 10:39 am
The writing itself is amazing, and the fact it has a meaning behind it makes it even better!! This is wonderful work! Fantastic tallent shown here :)
Rayarocks98 SILVER said...
on Sep. 1 2012 at 4:36 pm
I love this! I know how you feel, I feel the same way. Like I'm bound in invisible chains, and no one can help me. Thanks for writing this, it spoke to me.
life-as-we-know-it BRONZE said...
on Aug. 25 2012 at 11:47 pm
This is a great poem. I love it!
choogie said...
on Aug. 24 2012 at 10:15 am
congrads on getting it published
morgan said...
on Aug. 23 2012 at 10:50 am
it's good, but at the third paragraph, the beat changes, which is kind of confusing.
The_girl_at_her_desk SILVER said...
on Aug. 19 2012 at 10:56 am
omg !! so awesum !!!
kizzy16 said...
on Aug. 11 2012 at 6:30 pm
this poem was not ok not good it was awsomeeeeee!!!!!!!!! great writting..... ^_^
kizzy16 said...
on Aug. 11 2012 at 6:30 pm
this poem was not ok not good it was awsomeeeeee!!!!!!!!! great writting..... ^_^
LadyFreeWill GOLD said...
on Aug. 11 2012 at 1:44 pm
As everyone else has said -well done. This poem was an enjoyable, easy read while also carrying a deeper (clever, too) meaning. There was one bit I found that I thought messed with the flow a little; at the end of the first stanza 'if my feet had left the ground'. This line has some verb tense confusion, and I recommend perhaps changing it to 'feet ever left the (etc.)". Again, great poem! Congrats on getting published!
HinataHyuga SILVER said...
on Aug. 3 2012 at 4:17 pm
OMG!OMG! THIS POEM HUNTED ME... WELL I JUST READ UP TO THE SECOND STANZA BU IT IS SOOOOOO COOOL I LOVED IT! KEEP IT COMING! IM NOT SATISFIED!!
evie313 said...
on Aug. 1 2012 at 9:14 pm
This is really great! Could you look at "There He Goes & There He will Be" and comment on it to say what you think. It would be greatly appreciated if the word was spread.
browneyez16 GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2012 at 2:30 am
I very much agree!
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